(9 Posts)
anon64829264 Thu 16-May-19 10:56:43

I am so sad. I've just had my second miscarriage after having infertility issues for the last two years. I'm not sure why but this MC has hit me harder than the first. I've just had an appointment to check all is okay and I literally cannot pull myself together.
A friend told me she is pregnant and I couldn't hardly say 'oh congrats, I've just lost another one', and another friend is having a gender reveal party that we apparently have to attend. I don't know how to put on a happy face for them and I feel so selfish.
I feel very alone, my husband has been great but it's not the same.
I realise so many other people's stories are similar to mine, or even worse, I'm just struggling so much today.

OP’s posts: |
Rspu3 Thu 16-May-19 14:54:43

So sorry about your miscarriage op 💐
I can’t begin to understand how hard thst was for you as I haven’t ever been through a miscarriage, I do understsnd the pain of infertility though so you are not alone. You are allowed to feel sad and don’t try to bottle it up. You don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to. Do your friends know about your miscarriage? If they do they will understand and if not we’ll dont push yourself to attend if you don’t want to. X

MrsP240518 Thu 16-May-19 14:55:04

I'm not sure if I can offer you much comfort but I didn't want to read and run. Me and my husband have been TTC since March 2018, I've never been pregnant or experienced a miscarriage so have no idea what you must be going through, but I do know what you're going through with regards your friends. My SIL told me she was pregnant a few weeks ago, I can't be happy for them as her husband followed it with "we weren't even trying, we didn't even want another one".... just wow! I too have to go to their gender reveal, play the doting aunt and pretend I'm super happy and smiley for them. All I want to do is sit in the corner, drink copious amounts of wine and ignore any human interaction!

I can also understand how lonely you feel, I sometimes want to stand in the middle of a crowded room and scream I'M NOT OK but we put a smile on our face and we pretend to be ok because it's easier!

Sending you lots of love, in time you'll get through this flowers

Hollowvictory Thu 16-May-19 14:55:59

So Sorry. 💐💐💐
You do Not have to attend a gender reveal party. Be kind to yourself don't do anything that makes it harder. 💐💐

anon64829264 Thu 16-May-19 16:38:55

Thank you for your reposes. Sorry to hear about your troubles as well.

No, none of my friends know. I will tell them but It's only just happened and I don't feel like I can rain on their parade with my bad news. I think I'm going to give the gender reveal a miss.

@MrsP240518 the inconsideration of some people is what gets me as well. I know people may not know the full story but in my case they know we have problems and I got from my SIL a few months ago 'i would never wish this on my worst enemy' when referring to morning sickness, and 'if you ever get pregnant'. I wanted to punch her.

I'll get past this, I know I will. It's just so hard sometimes.

My friend intends to announce her pregnancy at work tomorrow and I'm just not sure I can take it, I'm happy for her, but there is nowhere to hide and I'll just cry!

OP’s posts: |
Rumplestrumpet Thu 16-May-19 18:55:09

So sorry to hear of your miscarriage - it's cruel and so unfair. Your feelings of loss are legitimate and valid and you don't have to pretend you're ok. I had a miscarriage last autumn and even though it was early, so physically straightforward, I was just so so sad. It felt like all my dreams has been ripped away from me - all the plans we'd been making, the joy we felt.

And yes, other people's good news is hard to swallow. My best friend is due around the anniversary of my miscarriage and another friend gave birth just after my due date. And another close friend confided she had had an abortion when I miscarried.... It all just felt so incredibly unfair.

But 9 months on I've managed to deal with those feelings and come to terms with it. I hope you're able to look after yourself acknowledge your feelings and be kind to yourself.

And just stay away from painful reminders - make yourself scarce when she's announcing her pregnancy at work. Avoid the gender reveal. Prioritise YOU.

Good luck xx

Zest11 Thu 16-May-19 19:15:34

Hi anon64829264 I am so sorry to hear of your second mc. Please so not think of yourself as being selfish, you are protecting yourself. We have struggled with infertility for 2.5 yrs and I had 1 cp about 8 months ago. It is so rubbish. One thing I have learnt during this journey is to be selfish and put myself first. I don't go to birthday parties and I do go through periods of weeks and often months without seeing some friends. 2 of my friends are pregnant with their 2nd, 1 of which we were trying when she was pregnant with her 1st and the 2nd is due just after the time mine would have been. It is so so hard and I feel for you but please put yourself first!


hoping2018 Fri 17-May-19 22:24:03

As someone who has been through infertility and out the other side - DO NOT go to any gender reveal parties. Call in sick tomorrow if needed! It’s all about self preservation - personally I told close friends what we were going through so I didn’t feel like a bitch but I in no way regret avoiding pregnancy and baby related things whilst going through ivf.

I now have my lovely little boy - I have a friend on cycle number 5 of ivf who is still trying, when I told her I was pregnant she said “I’m happy for you but don’t expect me to talk to you anytime soon” and I take no offence in this!!! I completely understood / when you start telling people you’ll be surprised how many then confess to troubles conceiving.

Look after yourself x

MayZ Sat 18-May-19 10:13:37

So sorry for your loss thanks

I've been TTC for a year had a MC last autumn and am struggling too. It took me time to get over the MC and it's even harder when people close to you don't know what you're going through and make hurtful comments (innocent to them). I'm currently going through fertility testing that makes IVF look like my only hope and trying to stay positive but it's an uphill struggle.

I second everyone's comments on look after yourself first, if your gut feeling is to stay away then do so.

We all deal with it in different ways, I hope your partner is supportive and I'd suggest telling at least one close friend so you have someone else to talk to, it has helped me greatly.

Sending hugs and thoughts, life can be crappy sometimes xx

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in