Next step donor eggs any advice please?

(7 Posts)
Scottish80 Sun 05-May-19 15:58:15


As above..does anyone have any advice? I’ve got my review meeting with the hospital on the 23rd and going to do my homework this time and try get as much info as possible.

My counselling started last week and the counsellor was really lovely. She suggested I should speak to my two younger siblings about their opinions on donating as they’ve both suggested they would do it. I haven’t had the balls yet to speak to them..will see them at a night out soon and it wouldn’t be appropriate to talk about it then. Again any advice? Counsellor also suggested if they wouldn’t donate for me but donated for another then I would move up the list.

Is this the right page or does anyone know of another thread?

Thanks for reading x

OP’s posts: |
JeNeBaguetteRien Sun 05-May-19 17:20:05

I think the counsellor is really jumping the gun actually suggesting you ask your siblings without considering/exploring with you the longer term impact on your wider family.

What if they say no? What if they say yes? Have they had children of their own? Would they feel any extra 'claim' on your child.
What if they both say yes, how do you choose? What if it doesn't work?

In some cases yes a donation from family can work really well but I'd have thought the first step would be to work through your own feelings re donor eggs (and partner's if applicable).

I'm likely going to be using donor eggs myself and know a fabulous child conceived with DE so I'm absolutely in favour of the concept.

Whether you are at this step depends on why your previous attempts haven't worked out, how much more likely you are to succeed.

Good luck.

JeNeBaguetteRien Sun 05-May-19 17:21:37

To answer your last question there is a specific Donor Conception topic under 'Becoming a Parent', perhaps ask to have this thread moved there.

Scottish80 Sun 05-May-19 20:05:38

Thank you for your reply JeNeBaguetteRien...I think I jumped the gun with the sisters thing and didnt explain myself properly. Apologies. Basically I was told after my first attempt at IVF (and cancelled due to lack of viable eggs) that ED would only be my best shot at trying to conceive. I stupidly went to the appt myself as I thought the ultrasound would be ok and have an idea of EC date..only to be told it wouldn’t work and they cancelled all 3 attempts.
I went home and later called my sisters..we went out a few days later and it was them who suggested to me about the ED and to be honest I was shocked as I didn’t even think about them being in the picture.
I want to just talk to them, get their honest opinions and yes they both have kids. The eldest of the two has a 6mth old and teen son. The youngest has a 4 yr old, I’ve already spoken to her (way before ED even came into conversation) about her having another and I know she’s reluctant to say with all our 7 year fertility issues..but she did suggest she would donate her eggs to anyone if she could. But I’m a long way from there..just want to have the chat and see what their husbands think.
I’m a long way off even thinking about the next stage..there’s so much to think about and my partner says he would be happy to do whatever it takes. We’ve even been talking about adoption too but like I say there’s a lot to think about and the counselling is probably the best decision I’ve made re fertility lately. I was lost months ago and now I’m slowly beginning to peice myself back together.
Thank you for your reply..I hope all works out for you too! I’ll have a wee look for that link too! 😊

OP’s posts: |
Teddybear45 Mon 06-May-19 09:59:28

I think you need to really think about this before you ask your sisters again. How would you feel having a baby that looks like your husband and one of your sisters? How Would your sisters and family feel - would they see the child as more their’s than yours? How would your husband feel? A lot of times it’s a lot easier to go for a stranger that looks like you.

JeNeBaguetteRien Mon 06-May-19 10:33:10

No apologies OP, just wasn't sure if it was an idea that had come directly from your counsellor.

Okay, the reason your IVF was cancelled is important.
The clinic need to explain to you why they are not considering trying again with a different protocol. Are they saying you will never have mature eggs?

My first cycle was cancelled as they weren't going to get any eggs (just a few follicles which were too small).
This was with long protocol IVF and maximum dose stims. I went for a scan, it wasn't going well, a nurse told me on the phone that I'd need to consider donor eggs as I'd be unlikely to ever get any eggs. B h

Next attempt was short protocol and actually a slightly lower dose of stims. Still not great numbers but I have low AMH. I got 4 eggs of which 3 mature and 2 fertilised.
I've been to 2 further (private) clinics who have both said I can try again with own eggs or go straight to donor eggs for improved chances, but nobody has categorically said to move to donor.
My advice is don't just 'accept' what you're told, ask why, especially if you were entitled to 3 funded rounds.

That's the medical side, now the emotional side. Failed IVF has been so difficult to cope with, especially with the common misconception that it's a silver bullet for infertility. Counselling sounds like a good idea. I wasn't trying to 'butt in' on your family discussions, just throwing out there a few questions. If either of your sisters were to consider donating they and their partners would also be recommended (required?) to have counselling.

Re adoption, you can always find out more but they usually want your IVF journey to have finished before you can go on any waiting list. And it's a whole different ball game, finding families for children, often with very complex needs.

Good luck whatever your next steps are.

Lauren83 Mon 06-May-19 19:25:46

I too tried own eggs twice before moving onto donor eggs (1 failed and 1 cancelled cycle) I agree with the others about speaking to your sisters, if the genetic link is important to you then yes it may be a good idea depending how they feel however it usually brings with it a lot of additional issues like said above, anon donors are chosen due to their high AFC/AMH so you may want to consider what would happen if your sister agreed and her results were substandard?

You want to give yourself the best chance and this may be with an anon donor. I had a few offers from friends but I wanted an anon donor as I didn't want to see my donor when I looked at my child. He was born in Jan last year and I wouldn't change a thing about him, I'm so glad I used donor eggs as if I hadn't I wouldn't have him. I also have an own egg baby due next month and this pregnancy feels no different to the donor egg one

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