Multiple IVF failures, feeling hopeless

(20 Posts)
sunshineandsea Sat 04-May-19 14:10:59

Our third IVF attempt has just failed and it really feels like this will never happen for us. TTC #1 for 3 years now and I'm just so sick of living in this nightmare. Our first cycle last year resulted in 2 embryos, one fresh transfer and one frozen both BFN. This was our second fresh cycle and we had much better quality this time with a top grade perfect looking blast put back, but my period started before I even made it to test day. I just don't understand why this keeps happening and why we have had so much bad luck.
Just went over to our local for lunch to try and cheer ourselves up and it was full of families enjoying the bank holiday weekend. I think we were pretty much the only ones there without kids. Just brought it home even more that it might never be us in that position.
Anyone else having a shit weekend and want to commiserate?!

OP’s posts: |
zonkin Sat 04-May-19 14:14:58

I have been through many IVF cycles and did have success. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up after a negative cycle. A site I found invaluable was

Lots of advice, chat, etc from people going through the same journey

FingersXssd83 Sat 04-May-19 15:04:14

I'm in the same situation and totally get it. Have an extra complication that they now think I have endo (was previously unexplained) so may need surgery before we can continue. I'm a mess, can't sleep, can't concentrate, keep crying. Wherever I go I just see women the same age as me with multiple kids. Have an appointment with the GP but it isn't until 20th and can't get to see the counsellor until June :/ I'm a pain for my DH to cope with. It's bloody rubbish!

Waterdropsdown Sat 04-May-19 15:09:16

Do you live somewhere that has a choice of clinics? if it was me I’d reckon that it’s time to have doctors who do things a bit different give me their opinion.

Waterdropsdown Sat 04-May-19 15:09:56

Sorry should have said first - I’m so sorry that’s awful for you.

Amara123 Sat 04-May-19 15:22:09

I did three fresh and two frozen before I had a baby. My successful attempt was with the Lister. Time to take stock I think. Wishing you the best, have been where you are and it is so hard!

Hobbes39 Sat 04-May-19 15:58:32

@sunshineandsea - I'm so sorry your attempts so far have failed. IVF is so hard and such a rollercoaster of emotions. I don't know how old you are or if you have a diagnosis explaining your current infertility, but I certainly found the lack of knowing WHY it was so hard was just so difficult to cope with.
IVF is really a process of trial and error sadly, so can often take many goes. And also, sadly, even after many goes it doesn't work. Only you know when you are prepared to stop.
We had unexplained secondary infertility (we have a DS5, they don't know why we couldn't get preg again) We went through 1 fresh (CP), 2nd fresh (bfn), frozen (bfn), a 3rd fresh (mmc), another frozen (bfn), and our last frozen (another mmc). I had given up. We got so close but no baby. My DH wasn't ready to give up and so we had one last go. Got only 2 embryos in the end - no frozen. Transferred those 2 - I'm now 19w pregnant with twins... so while I'm not counting my chickens, this time it finally seemed to work, even though it seemed like it wasn't going to, so I am glad we gave it one last shot! I was 39 when we started ivf, now 42. Its such a hard process and the knocks feel so utterly demoralising. It's so hard to pick yourself up again. If you can, take some time to just let yourself feel as crap as you want to - if your clinic offer counselling then do try to use it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next x


sunshineandsea Sat 04-May-19 18:48:01

Thank you so much for your replies, it really does help to talk to people who are in or have been in the same situation. This is the first time I've really thought of giving up as the setbacks are so hard to take, but I know we will keep going a bit longer. We have 2 frozen and I want to find out about further testing before we have those put back.

@zonkin thank you I will take a look at fertility friends

@FingersXssd83 I know exactly what you mean about being a mess, the impact of this on your mental health is huge. I don't have any helpful advice but I think how you are feeling is totally normal! Endo was mentioned as a possibility at the very first scan I had to investigate what might be wrong but they were never interested in looking into it further and it has always played on my mind that it could be contributing to our issues.

@waterdropsdown there isn't much choice round us unfortunately, even our clinic is a bit of a trek to get to. They do have better success rates than the others that are a similar distance though. I've been happy with them so far, they do a lot of research and seem to be really up to date, even in the 7 months between our 2 fresh cycles they had changed some things in line with current best practice. They did make some changes to my protocol for the second cycle too. So I think we'll stick with them for a bit but may well look at other options or more in depth testing elsewhere in the future

@Hobbes39 thank you. I'm 31 and we haven't really had a concrete diagnosis. Have been told different things by different doctors! I do only have one ovary and one tube, and that tube is blocked so obviously can't conceive naturally now but that doesn't explain why we couldn't for 2 years before I lost my other ovary and good tube (long story involving a horrendous experience on clomid and more terrible luck). Thank you for sharing your story, that is so amazing you are having twins after going through all of that, I really hope your pregnancy continues to go well. We think we will transfer two embryos next time. It's not an easy decision to make but I just cannot keep putting myself through the torture of the 2ww and if they are both going to fail I'd rather know in one go, and if by some miracle they both stick we'd be very happy!

OP’s posts: |
FingersXssd83 Sun 05-May-19 15:48:46

Hi @sunshineandsea what protocol have you been on and have you tried steroids and aspirin? If there's suspected endo then I believe the LP is recommended as it helps decrease any inflammation. I've been on SP for the last three cycles before endo was mentioned and now wondering if that's maybe stoked the endo, caused more inflammation and led to the BFNs :/

I think transferring two sounds like a sensible idea and its great that you have some frosties (I don't get any). Will you do a medicated or natural FET?

x x

Hollowvictory Sun 05-May-19 15:50:26

I changed clinic after 3rd unsuccessful cycle. Was successful with twins on 4th cycle with new clinic throwing everything at it. 3rd failed attempt was really hard I do empathise 💐💐💐

Iheartlondon Sun 05-May-19 19:58:00

We had 3 failed transfers before dd and I remember being absolutely crushed after the 3rd bfn. Similar to you it was fresh then frozen but we then had some tests done for immune issues which could be worth looking into. Turns out I have high levels of natural killer cells. Our 3rd cycle was another fresh cycle with full immune treatment (clexane, aspirin, prednisolone and intralipids) then 4th successful transfer was an Fet with full immune again and we put 2 embryos back then too.
Also, I remember that AF arrived as soon as I stopped the cyclogest once and before another time so I had injectable progesterone as well as the cyclogest.
It's so so hard going through it, I really hope that everything works out for you flowers

Boohootoyootoo Sun 05-May-19 20:05:22

I chucked everything at it - moved to London for 6 weeks and went to ARGC. It worked.

RunForTheHillock Mon 06-May-19 07:42:45

The lowest point of my life was after my 3rd failed fresh cycle, 4th transfer in total. It ended in miscarriage.

I took a few months off to grieve and find myself again and make a plan. We didn’t make huge numbers of embryos but had transferred several top quality and had not been successful. Our issue was “mild male factor”.

We felt I had been extensively investigated but my husband had not and the issue was with him, so why do gynaecologists/reproductive endocrinologists not seem more interested in males?

We paid to see Mr Ramsey, high DNA fragmentation found, and DS had antibiotics. The next semen analysis was normal.

Our next cycle was successful, it gave us our DS, and we have 2 frozen.

Huge hugs and good luck to you, take some time and plan your next moves.

Teddybear45 Mon 06-May-19 09:53:44

Did you get L1/L2 tests? Expensive but cheap compared to a failed cycle. I really regret waiting 3 failed transfers with ‘perfect’ embryos to get them done as I got my BFP immediately after the results flagged up a need to change my protocol.

sunshineandsea Wed 29-May-19 20:16:09

Thanks for your replies and sorry it's taken me a while to respond! This is all helpful stuff, we are seeing the consultant this week and I have plenty of questions.

@FingersXssd83 I have been on the long protocol both times but haven't tried steroids or asprin. Last time we did a medicated FET, I guess we will do that again as my ovulation day can be unpredictable.

@Iheartlondon Thanks, for the immune testing what did this involve and how much did it cost if you don't mind me asking? I have also wondered about whether I need additional support after the transfer as well as the pessaries, I asked about this after I bled early on my first cycle and was told it just happens to some people and your body overrides the hormones. In a natural cycle I always spot for days before my period and have a relatively short luteal phase so I've always worried that my body doesn't allow enough time for an embryo to implant!

@Hollowvictory and @Boohootoyootoo I'm really glad it worked out for you both eventually. What things did you do differently in your final successful cycles?

OP’s posts: |
sunshineandsea Wed 29-May-19 20:28:39

@RunForTheHillock I can't imagine how devastating that must have been to finally have success and then miscarry. I'm so pleased you eventually had your happy ending. The things we have to go through to get there though! My DH had a DNA frag test after the first two failed transfers, it came back a little on the high side so he made alot of lifestyle changes and when it was re-tested when we did our most recent fresh cycle it had vastly improved. So it seems like we have ruled out a problem there at least.

@Teddybear45 thanks, I'm not sure if my clinic offer L1/ L2 testing, it's not clear from the website so will ask. Is this done via a blood test? What does it test for? And was it very expensive? I can't find that much info on it but possibly it's called something else in some cases? What did they change as a result of the tests? (sorry for all the questions, I hope you don't mind!)

Thank you in advance ladies, I really appreciate your advice. Just searching for answers! I really don't want to keep doing this and then find way down the line that there is an issue we didn't know about that could have been treated early on, so don't mind spending some money on tests if it saves us the heartache of more failed cycles.

OP’s posts: |
Boohootoyootoo Thu 30-May-19 12:09:08

I went to ARGC, their success rates are phenomenal. Didn't do anything else different. Met people there on round 7 IVF and were successful

CanCanCanYouDoThe Thu 30-May-19 12:38:18

I’m so sorry, I’m in a similar boat and I know how shit it feels.

Agree with pp about the immunes. The tests are v expensive so my Dr just prescribed steroids etc empirically.

Another thing stood out to me in your OP. If your period arrived before test date perhaps they haven’t optimised your progesterone levels?

Iheartlondon Wed 05-Jun-19 08:29:58

I hope the follow up goes well.

There is loads of really helpful info re immunes here;

We had some of the immune testing done with our clinic which weren't cheap (I can't remember how much I'm afraid). I then made an appointment to see a specialist (Dr Gorgy) and he wanted another test (th1/th2) and then gave me a treatment plan for immunes. It may be like others say that your clinic is happy to prescribe empirically.
And I'd really push for injectable progesterone as well as the pessaries.

Teddybear45 Wed 05-Jun-19 14:13:35

They are a series of approx 15-20 blood tests. They include full thyroid, clotting / RH disorder, and immune tests and karyotyping. Cost me approx 2-3k. I was told by my clinic that all fertility clinics offer them as part of private cycles - but they might not be recommended, as I said before, until you have failed 3 cycles which is ridiculous!

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