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Infertility changed who you are as a person?

(5 Posts)
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Wed 01-May-19 20:07:30

I'm currently going through yet another miscarriage and reflecting on the last few years - I feel like I'm a completely different person to who I used to be? I'm exhausted and bitter and jealous, not to mention more emotional, sad and angry?
I feel isolated from many friends and family as they've never experienced infertility or pregnancy loss and find when I reach out to them for comfort they say the wrong things and I get more upset and angry and more lonely. I don't think I'm depressed but I do think the pre infertility me is gone and I'm not sure I'll ever be that person again and that makes me overwhelmingly sad.
Not sure why I posted this really guess I just wanted to know if it's just me or whether anyone else is struggling? X

AliceAbsolum Wed 01-May-19 20:58:52

Yes I'm bitter too. I'm losing the battle to be grateful with what I do have. It's made me jealous and sad. I could work harder to be calmer and more stoic but I can't be bothered some days. It makes me want to go and live in a van. Travel the world.

Rspu1384 Wed 01-May-19 21:03:50

I’m so sorry op about your losses I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.
Yes I get the more emotional/ bitter/jealous feelings, I am definatly more emotional I cry st everything now, even when I’m not particularly sad. I even cry st adverts of babies or families. It’s just everywhere so you can’t get away from it really. It’s definstly not just you! And you are certainly not alone x

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Thu 02-May-19 08:39:25

Thanks everyone - I definitely find I cry more at silly things now too! Adverts, sad stories, sad music! But then I'll have moments where I laugh like a loon - there is such highs and lows - hope and crushing disappointment- it's the constant rollercoaster of emotions which is so hard
Today I feel a bit better - big girl pants on today and currently going through my fertility apps to see when I'm likely to ovulate next - I think I just need a plan! Xx

MayZ Thu 02-May-19 09:28:37

OP you just need to scroll through here to find you are certainly not alone and it has helped me greatly.

I'm also struggling with the rollercoaster, I've very supportive friends (one going through IVF atm) and my DH is amazing but it's still hard.
I try to not think of the what ifs, TTC 10 yrs ago, hadn't MC but it is hard. I've not told my family for the reasons you mentioned-i know they would always say the wrong thing! Completely unintentionally but it doesn't hurt any less!

My emotions seem to follow my cycle-hope at the beginning with tracking etc then praying something worked then bitter disappointment when AF arrives.
I am going through fertility testing but even consultant was fairly downbeat due to my age (39) but I may at least get some answers about why it's not happening for me.

I think this group is a great place to sound off, so come on here and vent smile
Fingers crossed for you and everyone else
thanks

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