Secondary infertility

(8 Posts)
Pinacollider Wed 27-Mar-19 07:48:15

Currently trying for a second. Both age 30 and been trying approx 18 months. Currently undergoing investigations but well aware that we will not qualify for IVF and unsure of we are willing to pay privately.
My question is, for those in the same position, when do you give up? We have so much baby stuff lying around. Friends and family getting pregnant and I've kept everything. I haven't given anything in hope that I may become pregnant this month. Now starting to think about what if I don't get pregnant. When do we give up? When do we give things away? That feels so final sad. Any others in the same position?

OP’s posts: |
Minibow Thu 28-Mar-19 18:54:24

Hi @Pinacollider I could have written this myself last month.

Been trying for our third for 18 months. All tests for both of us are normal, hycosy clear.

We had everything priviatly. I saw the consultant yesterday who suggested IUI or Clomid for a for 3 cycles first .

I'm not keen to do either if I'm honest. I feel terribly guilty about feeling so desperately for another when I have 2 already. But I know when AF arrives I will collapse into the pit of dispaire again and what to to everything I can to have a baby.

Not helpful to your question I know but I feel the same. When is enough, enough? I'm 37 so I see 40 as my cut off.

I take my hat of to those experiencing this for years and years.

zoo18 Sat 30-Mar-19 12:53:54


In similar position TTC #2 being trying about 14 months now and #1 took a while so never expected the next to be quick either.

Results via GP don't indicate any problems and partner SA was all normal.

Been referred to fertility clinic and had 1st app in feb but since that my period has gone AWOL so cant have bloods/ scans done yet😫! 20 days late now too, had some confusion with what i know now was a false positive and had bloods last week which showed no HCG so Defo not pregnant. Just want AF to show up now so can keep trying.

I got really stressed about it at the beginning of the year but now after a taking time to review things I feel a lot more relaxed focusing on keeping busy with DD and making sure i have things on to look forward to as can become so stressful TTC and don't want it ruling my life like it's done in past.

Good luck with #2

crazyfools Sat 30-Mar-19 14:29:05

Same here OP - been ttc nr2 for 2 years and had 2 miscarriages and a near fatal ruptured ectopic in that time.

We have now moved on to IVF but our first transfer failed a couple of weeks ago (but we do have 2 more embryos frozen). We said we would go to 3 full cycles of ivf maximum as that is all we can afford and there comes a point when DC1 starts to suffer having 2 parents constantly preoccupied by infertility and planning our lives around ovulation kits and the 2ww not to mention the holidays we could have gone on!

If IVF fails at least we can say we did everything we could and I will be more at peace with a decision to stop trying than if we hadn't given it a go. I think I would have always wondered "what If" IVF could have worked for us. We expect to do all 3 cycles in 2019 so we know that 2020 is the cut off for us.

After my ectopic I did question whether to carry on as I nearly left my child motherless but in the end the need to keep trying took over. To be honest I don't know how I will truly feel when this year is over and we stop trying. I can't remember a life that didn't revolve around fertility (it took 2 years and 1 miscarriage to have DC1) x

DoneAdulting Sat 30-Mar-19 14:35:55

We gave up trying for number two when our son was 6, and we'd been trying for over 3 years. Have now accepted he will be an only. It's a shame but that's life.

whoatemytwix Mon 01-Apr-19 14:38:44

We are also TTC no2 - had zero problems with DD1, but have been trying for almost 12 months now and nothing. We had a private consultation with a fertility clinic but it was incredibly frustrating and not informative past "everything looks ok just keep trying it'll happen" hmm I'm so lost for what to do - the whole thing makes zero sense to me. sad

Ladysap Mon 01-Apr-19 23:48:38

Hi there, I'm 39 and had my DD at 32 - natural no issues conceiving. Since then no pregnancy beyond 4 weeks. For the last 5 1/2 years we have had every non invasive test under the sun. We've done four rounds of IVF - 1 fresh cycle, where we got 7 top grade 5 day blastocysts. First cycle was chemical pregnancy, second failed, third abandoned and finally on our fourth we are pregnant! It is still early days and of course anything could happen. I have spent a fortune on nutritionists, special diets, reflexology, acupuncture etc. Nothing helped. This time I did nothing different except focus on getting fit at the gym.

This is the furthest i have got since being pregnant first time round with DD and we are celebrating every day that we are pregnant as whatever the outcome it gives us hope again.

I've been through every emotion over the last 5.5 years. Anger, grief, guilt, jealousy, acceptance etc plus illness due to being so run down by the infertility and ivf treatment.

I started trying to go through the baby stuff in the loft - I hated going up there. I started giving some stuff to friends. I couldn't let go of the big stuff or the newborn - I just couldn't give up in my heart. Follow yours.

We know that we would never have done a second fresh ivf cycle and that once our embryos are used that's it game over. We took a long time to be grateful for our family as it is and not as we had hoped it would be.

I think as a couple you need to try and work out what you are and aren't able or willing to go through. It has been bloody tough at times!!

I would say though that don't give up hope just yet - it's still early days. If you can afford to go private you may get some answers (I didn't, we have experimented with all sorts!!)

Finally it's ok to feel like you want to slap people that say just relax it'll happen. SI is very common 1 in 4 couples will go through it - i have met many along my journey all with differing outcomes.

Good luck! Ask any questions too x

AnnieM18 Tue 02-Apr-19 19:04:00

Trying for #2. No problems with #1 last year but no luck this time and now I’ve stopped ovulating and AF has stopped altogether!!. I’m 36 and wondering if I have early menopause. I feel so desperate for another baby as don’t want my little one to be an only child We can’t afford private treatment so I have to accept fate. It breaks my heart to think I won’t have another..

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