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Support for friend about to start IVF

(7 Posts)
GreyGables Sun 24-Mar-19 20:02:29

Friends (acquaintances) of ours are about to start first IVF. My DH is more friendly with them than I am, I don’t really know them well at all.
But they have approached us and talked about it so I feel we might be getting closer. I would love to support them as they start their journey. They don’t have family nearby. What would have been most helpful/most sensitive/most thoughtful to you going through IVF? Practical support, phone calls, gifts?

ETA- we have 2 kids, a 6 year old and a newborn. Obviously want to be sensitive and not in their face/in their space with the newborn.

BrieAndBread Sun 24-Mar-19 20:20:04

If they’re approaching you, just be available and there for them.

Don’t hide the babies / children (not that you can!) but I mean in the sense that “life goes on” and a lot of my friends who had children backed away because they didn’t know how to deal with the fact they had kids and I didn’t.

My other piece of advice is remember that both of them will be on the “journey” (or rollercoaster!) and I described it as I was at the front and DH was at the back. You both go through ups and downs but not at the same time. So I’d be negative / emotional and DH would be the opposite, or visa versa. Those emotions need different needs at different times.

I supported a friend through IVF recently and I sent her a little care package - morning majorly expensive, magazine, facemask, bath bomb, new nail varnish, small note book with a nice quote in it I found to give her strength. It went down well and forced her to relax when she was a bit stressed.

Oh and invite her round for cake and tea.
Sometimes just a chat about something other than IVF over a nice cake is a nice distraction wink

You sound like a lovely friend flowers

BrieAndBread Sun 24-Mar-19 20:21:21

morning majorly = nothing majorly expensive

JeNeBaguetteRien Mon 25-Mar-19 00:18:47

It's very kind of you to ask on here, you sound like good friends to have.
Just be aware that statistically any 1 IVF cycle is less likely to work than is frequently portrayed in the media, it's not a silver bullet.
The hormones can be a fucker (not always but often).
Also be aware that not everyone has embryos left to freeze, though hope your friends do.
IVF is a series of hurdles, finding the right dose of drugs to stimulate ovaries, when to do egg collection, how many eggs, the awful wait to find out next day how many fertilised, then wait to see how many make it to be suitable for transfer, any for freezing and the awful 2 week wait after transfer to find out if you're pregnant.

I guess the biggest thing you can do is just say you're there for them, you know you haven't been in their shoes but if there's anything you can do let you know.
It's quite personal but I really hate people saying be positive, it will work, it will be worth it, so and so had a baby by IVF and had 2 more naturally. Not helpful (for me anyway!)
Good luck to them.

GreyGables Mon 25-Mar-19 09:38:17

Thank you both. Yes they know we have kids and they are really good with our 6 yr old. I’ll try and put together a care package, sounds a great idea. Thank you!

ILoveMaxiBondi Mon 25-Mar-19 09:40:54

Sorry, I know this is coming from a good place but I find it really weird that you want to be so involved in the IVF journey of your husband’s acquaintances!

Whatelsecouldibecalled Mon 25-Mar-19 16:57:25

Don’t try and ‘fix’ anything or offer stories of crazy hope that usually people right before starting treatment fall pregnant. Just sets up for another fail.

Use the phrase ‘how can I help’ let them come to you. Listen opening. Don’t hide your life either

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