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IVF just failed. What next?

(15 Posts)
Sugarplummy84 Sun 03-Feb-19 10:54:05

Not sure I’ve ever felt this sad. What do you do to pick yourself up?

JeNeBaguetteRien Sun 03-Feb-19 11:13:06

Sorry Sugar, it's a horrible feeling.
Look after yourself today, if you're in this together with a partner both of you be kind to each other.

When you've just found it can feel like the end of the road, and it's so unfair, but statistically less cycles work out than get that BFP. The media portrayal and a lot of public opinion can be that IVF is a magic fix.

Cry if the tears come, go or a walk if you need to be outside, and stay away from anyone who will be unhelpful.

You will get through this 💐

TeenTimesTwo Sun 03-Feb-19 11:15:23

Been there too. Take time to yourselves, to re group. One step at a time. The way forward will show itself. flowers

Sugarplummy84 Sun 03-Feb-19 11:50:24

Thank you. Wise words. Can’t imagine ever feeling ‘myself’ again. It’s the feeling of unlimited hope going so quickly to despair, isn’t it.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody Sun 03-Feb-19 11:53:48

Your last post summed up how I felt too.

Only advice is to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve, because it is like a kind of bereavement.

cake flowers

Sugarplummy84 Sun 03-Feb-19 12:08:32

It is. Feel like something has died, I agree.

Didthatreallyhappen2 Sun 03-Feb-19 15:06:40

Do whatever you enjoy - go out, stay in, curl up with OH and watch a silly movie, open a bottle of wine, have a bubble bath, look at a summer holiday ….. Now is not the time to say "We should do this, we should do that …" - that time will come over the next few days and weeks. For today just do whatever you need to keep going - and have a good cry if you need to.

JeNeBaguetteRien Mon 11-Feb-19 23:08:57

How are you muddling along Sugar?
Have you got any support, perhaps counselling from your clinic?

FingersXssd83 Tue 12-Feb-19 08:28:08

Hi @Sugarplummy84 so sorry to read your post and I can really empathise - my second cycle failed at the same time as you. Hit me much harder than the first. I've really been struggling with is mood swings, anger and tearing up since the BFN. Think I've finally started to consider that my life could be without children.

Have a counselling session on Friday and have just signed up to the Headspace app to try and build some quiet mind time into my day. Have you tried these things? I find that they really help me to process where I'm at.

I'm also throwing myself into prepping for our review meeting at the end of the month, have lots of questions and I want further testing as we haven't achieved implantation from the transfer of 3 good quality embryos.

This is a shit old journey so you have to try to mentally take good care of yourself through reaching out, curling up, going for a long walk, whatever to help you feel better. MN is a great place to get support from people going through the same thing so make sure you check in on here. And remember that sometimes IVF takes a little longer to achieve success but try to keep the faith as much as you can x x x

A280 Tue 12-Feb-19 09:20:46

@sugarplummy84 so sorry to hear that the ivf failed. I am in a similar situation to you and know how much this sucks! Ive had one failed ivf and now a second one end up in a chemical pregnancy.

I feel like just curling up under a duvet and cant stop crying. It feels like a huge part of me is lost forver. And I don’t know how i will be able to carry on forward. There are days i cant think of anything else and my thoughts drive me insane

I can’t give much advice on how to get through this but just want to let you know its normal to feel this low. Give yourself time to accept what has happened. Not everyone feel/ deals with things in the same way. Let your self feel and grieve

I am planning what next- another cycle, preparing my body again... feel this gives me some sort of ‘purpose’ ... i find having a what next plan some how helps distract me even if its for a bit.

Wish you all the best and strength to deal with this!! X

lucieloos Tue 12-Feb-19 14:46:39

Hi there, I've been where you are at my very lowest point when my first cycle failed. It felt awful, like someone had died and like I had died or wanted to if I'm honest.

I've come out the other side though and although it was hard I was successful. The one thing I will say is I know it's very hard financially but you have to see ivf as a numbers game. Only a small amount of people are successful on their first try but after 3 tries around 70% have success. It took me 4 cycles (one cancelled) and 3 transfers, one of which resulted in an ectopic pregnancy to get my first baby. I was 37 years old. I felt as though I wasn't living as all I did was think about ivf and research things and wonder what would happen if it didn't work and I know the stats don't apply to everyone if you have special circumstances etc but they did help keep me a little bit sane and that chances were if I kept going it would work eventually. I had treatment abroad to cut costs and I found that I could have around 2 attempts for the price of one in the UK. I also embryo banked so I went for a few cycles without transfer in order to try and build up a few embryos to freeze so that we had some in the bank as if it did ever work I knew I would never want to go through egg collection and all the treatment again to try for a second. I was recently successful and on my second fet got pregnant with my boy.

Don't ever give up as hard as it is keep going.

PurpleDaisies Tue 12-Feb-19 19:52:23

Don't ever give up as hard as it is keep going.

This is really unhelpful. At some point (which is won’t be the same for everyone) you have to accept that it won’t happen. Not everyone gets a happy ending.

flowers op, it’s really hard. The only thing that worked for me was time.

Toomuchgoingon Tue 12-Feb-19 20:20:19

We went through it twice....so know how you feel. In our case, we decided to move on and actually felt relieved once that had been decided. We hadn't realised just how stressed we were by it all. It's not easy, but you will get through it, whatever you decide to do next.

lucieloos Tue 12-Feb-19 20:30:11

Sorry yes I realise that now, I wrote it in a hurry and I guess I just meant don't give up and keep going obviously within your financial means and until you feel that it is enough. I didn't mean try infinitely but that it is a numbers game so try as much as you can do financially and mentally.

Scottish80 Wed 27-Feb-19 21:31:51

Hi @Sugarplummy84 I hope your ok?

I have no sound advice but I can completely relate to how your feeling as I was preparing for first round of IVF and now that’s not an option as I don’t make enough follicles anymore. Absolutely devastated when I found out this week..

Just wanted to say your not alone. It’s heartbreaking and emotionally draining. We spend our youth worrying about getting pregnant and now all I do is obsess about being pregnant. Total shite!

I hope you and your partner are ok, your both in this together whatever you decide to do next lean on each other. It’s hard going and I hope things turn around for you. Big hugs xox

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