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Please help - is it too late?

(14 Posts)
NewName79 Fri 25-Jan-19 17:13:44

Please be kind as this is all new to me. I don't know if this is a TTC or IVF forum question so posted both.

A condensed version: I am 39 and going to be 40 this summer. I was single until 1.5 years ago and thought I'd never have children. I met a wonderful man and we got married at New Year!

Time to start TTC, and we have had one month so far. I am aware that after 40 my NHS IVF entitlement goes out the window. I know a bit about IVF having had a friend go through it, but not loads. I have checked my borough and under 40's are allowed only 1 round.

We had private fertility checks before we married, doing all the tests that the NHS would do so no evident problems, aside from my age.

Do we just keep TTC or should I be being proactive re IVF as the process of even getting seen takes months and I turn 40 in early August? has anyone else ever been in this position? Is it crazy to start TTC naturally at 39.5?

I'm sorry if this sounds naive and I know so many people on here are sadly experienced at all this. Just making sure I don't miss a step or miss out on anything I should be aware of.

Also, I have never used a coil or pill, only condoms so no chemicals to leave my system, and I am following the usual advice re health, exercise, ubiquinol, wheatgrass, Folic acid etc etc.

I would greatly value some friendly advice. It is not something one feels able to discuss with friends IRL. Thank you.

windy2909 Fri 25-Jan-19 18:04:08

Hi there,

If both of your test results did not show up any concerns then I see no reason why you shouldn’t conceive naturally. The process of going through the NHS for fertility treatment is a lengthy one and I’m afraid that even if you needed it, you would perhaps miss the cut off, as I think it would take longer to come around than your birthday.

I don’t think you’re crazy to try to start conceiving at your age. Many people do so successfully at your age and beyond. If you check the conception boards I think there is a thread for women over 40 trying for babies. Best of luck!

Bubble77bee Sat 26-Jan-19 16:42:14

Definitely not crazy to start! I started ttc just before I turned 40. It has not been an easy road - I’ve had two miscarriages, but am now 14 weeks pregnant. We had booked an appointment to discuss ivf, then I got my bfp. Doesn’t hurt to look into ivf, even if you end up not needing it.

SplendidDaysInTheGarden Sat 26-Jan-19 17:46:10

Hi, I started the IVF process when I was 39, 6 months before my 40th. We'd been trying to conceive for 3 years before that and although our fertility was fine it just didn't happen. We thought we'd go down the IVF route before the NHS deadline of my 40th just to cover all bases. I was put on the system before my 40th although I didn't actually start the regimen until about 9 months later when I was over 40. First fresh embryo didn't take but the next one, frozen, months later, did! I sitting now, looking at my 3 month old baby son asleep in his Moses basket. He was born when I was 41 and 5 months old. He's perfect. My advice? Get yourself referred NOW, get on the system before the cut off point. It can and does work at our ages. Better to be registered and change your mind than miss the opportunity to have a funded round.

physicskate Sat 26-Jan-19 17:49:48

But the point is that the op can't be referred now on the nhs - they've been ttc for one cycle! The nhs won't investigate until at least 6 months ttc when they'd run the tests the op has already had. Every ccg requires at least two years of ttc before funding ivf...

The best test of fertility is trying to conceive. The best test of how you respond to ivf is having a round of ivf.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 26-Jan-19 19:00:49

If cut off point is 40 I would go to gp and say you have had unprotected sex since you met your man

Hopefully he will put you on list

If all tests are clear and amh and fsh and sperm test ok then no reason why hopefully you won’t Get preg

I had my first ivf at 39.5 tho failed. Another 4 attempt and finally 5th one worked and I gave birth at almost 44

Dd is now 22mth. I’m almost 46

Good luck

physicskate Sat 26-Jan-19 19:38:04

But that's fraud?? Maybe I have a stronger moral compass, especially as there is zero proof the op might need help?

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 26-Jan-19 21:05:31

Fraud is harsh

Just means she will hopefully be put on the list and with any luck get preg naturally hence not needing nhs ivf and she will come off list and next person bumped up

Or go to gp and see what they say. May be 6mth ttc Before refers and hopefully op will be just under 40

londonmummy2 Sat 26-Jan-19 21:13:19

Can you afford to go private OP? I wouldn't waste my time with IVF on the NHS - lengthy with poor success rates.

I know plenty of women in their late 30s and early 40s who got pregnant naturally within a few months TTC. Good luck!

hoping2018 Tue 29-Jan-19 13:19:56

Please don’t do what @blondeshavemorefun has suggested. Be honest with them about when you last used contraception.

You don’t say what your test results are which is key?! And if you had them done privately did they not give any indication of whether they felt you should try naturally?

I think I would try for 6 cycles (assuming cycles and all tests normal) but would be knocking on the specialists door very promptly after 6 months of no contraception.

The other thing you could do (which we did) is attend a private clinics open evening with all your test results and see what they suggest. All the clinics near me do free open evenings and you get a free 10 minutes with the consultant - we took all our tests results and it was super productive. GP had told us to keep trying for further 3 months but consultant said we met criteria for nhs referral and should start ivf right away based on our results so we then went back to the GP and got the referral done - We had an nhs round of ivf 2 months later. BFN but I’m now 2 days til my due date after cycle 2!

Good luck

Mol5 Tue 29-Jan-19 13:40:08

Hi there,
Depending on where you live the eligiblity criteria for NHS IVF differs. Most require you to have been TTC naturally for 2 years unsuccessfully before they will refer you for NHS funded IVF and i'm afraid by that time I think you would no longer be eligible on age.

I think if you can accept the NHS is an unlikely option and knowing you would have to pay privately for IVF then you should at least try to conceive naturally IMO for 6+ months before splashing out all that money on private treatment.

Best of luck to you both!

Megan2018 Tue 29-Jan-19 13:43:54

I am 40, got pregnant recently for the first time without much effort-infrequent sex and no ovulation testing, it took less than 6 months.
Currently 7+2, waiting to see if it sticks.

No need to start making a fuss until you’ve given it a try!

Megan2018 Tue 29-Jan-19 13:46:25

Oh and DH 45 too, and I didn’t make any lifestyle changes before BFP either. Still drank like a fish over Xmas and wasn’t taking any vitamins.
If you read all the horror stories TTC seems hopeless but it can actually be pretty easy!

Squeakyheart Tue 29-Jan-19 22:11:31

I was told I would need help to conceive at 35 had DD when I was 40 after two years ttc and clomid. Now have second DD conceived naturally aged 44! NHS will possibly look at other options before IVF and no history of failure to conceive so even a referral now means unlikely to get in before cut off. Fingers crossed for you!

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