Should I accept now that I might never have a child?

(9 Posts)
ChildlessPodcaster Sat 09-Feb-19 08:43:25

Hi ladies- I know all too well how you feel and how it can seem very isolating to be the only one that seems to be struggling. I’ve seen friends and family have their own children for the ten years I have been trying. It hurts. It’s scary. But when I decided to stop trying, such a weight was lifted. I have been putting out a podcast over the past year in which I speak candidly to guests about the pain of infertility and pregnancy loss as well as finding happiness when it seems unattainable! We have laughter, tears and reassurance that you aren’t alone. You can find the show on iTunes
Or on the web
Take care of yourselves. xoxo Shannon smilesmile

Maybe2019 Thu 07-Feb-19 18:09:47

@rspu3 Hi again! Glad to hear your partner has an appt soon to get things checked out. You can ask your GP to refer your for a scan with a dye (HSG). The Gynaecologist can also request it. It will give them a clearer look at your uterus and tubes just to make sure everything is ok.

I've had a Laparoscopy & Hysteroscopy 6 months ago which showed mild endometriosis. The Gynaecologist removed them. He said they were outside my uterus and would not have caused me not to conceive. He said everything else looked good, no cysts, adhesions etc he also said I had alot of free fluid on my fallopian tube which was also good news. It was quite reassuring to hear that. I had the procedure due to painful periods and pelvic pain.

We had 1 cycle on the NHS in 2015 which failed. We wasn't eligible for anymore treatment so basically got shown the door. I got so depressed the years that followed. Approx 10 babies have been born since 2015 from close friends and family. It's been soul crushing watching everyone family growing even though they've met their partners way after we got together and a few of them even went on to have their 2nd child, some planned and some by accident and there's us, not one baby since we got married in 2012. I've lost count of how many times I've had family members and friends asking me when are we going to have a child. I've even had some people point blank ask me if I am pregnant yet, and what am I waiting for... sad only 1 cousin and 2 friends know we're struggling to conceive. I had to stop talking to my cousin about it because she has NO IDEA what I am going through. I mean why would she, she has 2 kids and never struggled to get pregnant. Sometimes it's best not to speak to people that are not in the same situation as you because as much as they think their helping with their unwarranted advise, it actually leaves you feeling much worse than you did to begin with, because they make it seem like what you're feeling or thinking is all in your head and that things aren't really that bad.

Right now we have to to everything privately. Fertility clinics appointments, tests, follow ups you name it. We didn't plan to see a urologist, that came up recently. Its going to cost us £280 for each appt with him. I got a quote for all the tests my DH has to take which came up to £950! Bearing in mind we're currently with another fertility clinic as we had to get a second opinion and we've already spent £1500. Everything is sooooo expensive. That's another thing that's really getting me down sadsadsad

One advise I would give you is start saving from now so you'll have more options later xx

Rspu3 Wed 06-Feb-19 22:27:20

And I am also the same I’ve atopped going out and seeing anybody because the questions always come up whether we are going to have children or not, your not alone in feeling like that it’s taken it’s toll on me too I’m so sorry you are the same xx

Rspu3 Wed 06-Feb-19 22:26:01

Hi @Maybe2019
I am donnas146 I have changed my name as new account couldn’t remember my password for the other one lol.
Thankyou for your reply, it means so much even though I’m really sorry your in a similar circumstance as me I really wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s hard isn’t it! I think about it every single day, everything just now seems to revolve around babies and families which makes it so much harder. I’m sorry to hear you have issues too, I’m not in the clear myself yet as I haven’t had my tubes tested yet. I am lucky as I am young but I have friends and family who just seem to get pregnant so easily it makes my situation harder and the why me question is always in my head. My appointment also got cancelled last minute from being referred to the gyn which really pissed me off, but we now have a new appointment for March at the hospital and this hospital has a specialist in male factor so feeling a bit more positive. I was actually relieved that my husband does have sperm, I read about azoospermia and was so worried that was going to be our issue. It’s the now k owing a times scale too especially with the nhs. Are you on the nhs too? Or private? X

Maybe2019 Wed 06-Feb-19 21:37:45

@donnas146 Hi. You're not alone. Trust me. I'm in the same boat. Been TTC for almost 6 LONG YEARS. Never fallen pregnant once. There's constantly a battle in my heart and soul wondering if i should finally accept never having a child. It's emotionally draining. I've also had 2 or 3 occasions when my period was late (im very regular too). I felt like a FOOL to think that could have gotten pregnant naturally. We have MFI too, he's quite healthy, non smoker and non drinker. He's been on preconception vitamins for years for low motility and low morphology and most recently we found out he also has high sperm DNA fragmentation (damaged sperm). Found out last month. I was devastated. I've not been able to sleep and I've lost my appetite. The last 18 months have been HARD. I don't go out, I hardly see or speak to anyone. I can't discuss details of our infertility with anybody because it's so personal. It's been easy, but I am still here and trying to persevere...

One thing I will say to you is that you're lucky you're still young and everything is fine with you. You still have time to investigate the male factor infertility. See if your GP can refer your partner to a urologist. Time is not on our side as I am 38 in a few weeks and unfortunately I have low ovarian reserve and low AMH so not many follicles and my time is quite limited. We are trying to see a urologist to find out if there's anything they can do before we start our IVF/ICSI cycle.

I wish you all the best. Try to be kind to yourself. That's what I am trying to do... we'll be ok xx

donnas146 Mon 21-Jan-19 10:57:45

Thankyou for both your reply’s
Just getting to a point where I’ve had enough now, I try to tell myself we will never concieve naturally so I don’t get my hopes up every month ( been this way for years) but I can’t help but obsess every month thinking maybe this is our month and a miracle has happened. I’ve read about plenty of couples who had the same issues and still got a bfp so it worries me because nothing has ever happened. Hoping the ivf ball gets rolling this year as don’t think I could cope with another year passing of nothing x

OP’s posts: |
Brambles7 Sat 19-Jan-19 10:15:53

@donnas146 I don’t think you’re alone in having these kind of thoughts! It’s certainly what’s gone through my mind as well and we’ve only been trying 3 1/2 years so cant even imagine how tough it is for you after so long.
I guess all I can really say is that you do still have ivf/ICSI to come and you never know with ivf/ICSI as to whether you’ll be one of the lucky ones but you still have that opportunity to try and see.
Maybe the sperm just need a bit of help and that’s what it’ll get.
I don’t have experience of ivf/ICSI yet myself either but we’ve been told this week that we might need the ICSI as they weren’t happy with oh test results. So I’m just clinging on to my hope that it will help.
It’s so hard to stay positive, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all of this.
If it helps, I do know of couples who’ve tried for more than just a couple of years. I work with a lovely lady who took 6 years before they conceived and sing with another who had to wait 10 years.


Cherries101 Fri 18-Jan-19 23:28:53

Rest assured that for most women <30 where sperm motility is the only issue, icsi usually works. You need to start ivf / icsi really to get the appropriate guidance.

donnas146 Fri 18-Jan-19 22:22:24

I’m sorry if this is insensitive to any of you. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately, I’m 28 been ttc for years with my oh, from what we know I have no problems fertility wise (that I know of) All my tests came back normal so far. I haven’t had a hsg yet. I have been pregnant with an ex when I was a lot younger.
My oh has a count of 2-3million low motility and don’t know morph. I know I’m probably stressing and worrying too much we have not yet had ivf/icsi.
I’ve been thinking the last few months that I might have to accept that we may never have children, I’m terrified. I don’t feel like it’s ever going to happen because it has been so long with nothing. I’ve had one late period in 6-7years and I’m always regular. That’s the only time we thought we might be pregnant. I’m scared and trying to tell myself and get myself prepared emotionally that we might not ever have a baby. Has anyone else been in similar situation? I only ever hear about couples who have tried for a year or two and became pregnant naturally or through ivf/drugs. I feel so alone in this

OP’s posts: |

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