Feeling very down due date of miscarried baby and can feel Af on the way

[heresHalloweenagain18]

Hi

I Have the due date of miscarried baby on Friday . Can feel af on the way. Feeling sad and down.

I havent posted on here for quite sometime, usally a lurker though post here and there. Changed username in the halloween spooktackular (not changed back yet .

Have been trying for over 4 and a half years since i had the miscarrige. Had one failed round of ivf last year. No other funded rounds left. Hubby does not want to do any further treatment.

I just feel so over all this. So impatient . So angry. Im not usally an impatient person. Or angry. It just bubbles like a frustration.
Most of all im just so incredibly heartbroken and Sad.

For my little almost 4 year old that could of been. For watching all those milestones get met around me from simliar age children. Smiling and not saying anything knowing the life i could be living . And the contrast. Month in month out, year in year out. Hoping and despairing.

Sorry for the pitying post . Cant sleep and just needed to get it out there.

Xx

[pollypockett]

I don’t have cause to post in infertility but I didn’t want this to go unanswered. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. I can’t even begin to imagine how shit it all must feel. I hope you are able to heal in time x

[heresHalloweenagain18]

Hi polly

Thankyou, your really kind xx

We lost our dear dog earlier this month and this month is also full of anniversarys of lost loved ones. I think i will be ok in time.

Thankyou again for your thoughts

[flumpybear]

Also wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I had multiple losses, I found marking the occasion helped, we bought helium
Filled balloons and let them go in our garden as a mark of the day - not sure if that helps you?

Not sure if you're looking for what's helped others ... thought I'd just tell you on the off chance My problem was lack of getting pregnant accompanied with low progesterone. I found agnus castus helped me - not sure if that's something you could try ? I know others have found helpful - good luck 🍀

[pollypockett]

No problem at all OP :) and I’m sorry about your dog. Anniversaries surrounding lost loved ones can be incredibly difficult. I don’t know if this helps but I’ve learned to reflect on all the good times and positive memories instead of focusing on the actual loss. I take comfort in knowing they’re watching over me and I’m sure your angel baby is smiling down on you. One thing I will say is always allow yourself to feel. I haven’t gone through infertility but I’ve had some traumatic times. I made things worse by bottling things up and faking a smile. It’s ok to admit you’re not always ok. Sometimes it feels so good just to air out your frustrations. I hope you’re doing ok tonight xx

[Sugarplummy84]

So sorry for you 😞💕

[heresHalloweenagain18]

Hi again Polly

You are right in saying not to bottle things up. Its very difficult to talk openly about it to other people about feeling sad as it was so early. My hubby isnt one to talk about things either.
Thanks again for your reply xx

[heresHalloweenagain18]

Hi Flumpy

Thankyou for your reply and im so sorry for your losses

My hubby isnt one to talk about things and likes to just move on, not dwell as he puts it. so i wouldlnt be able to do a balloon release or anything with him. I appriciate the suggestion though. I just have to silently mark it in my head.

I havent had a pregnancy since the miscarriage, it was my one and only pregnancy. I could look into it as something i havent tried. Thankyou again for your reply
xx

[heresHalloweenagain18]

Thankyou sugarplummy xx