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Pregnancy envy! 🤔

(16 Posts)
Nattx Sun 13-Jan-19 15:40:48

So just came back from Asda to my not so better half literally breaking his neck to tell me he is going to be an uncle (bearing in mind he's already an uncle, well so I thought to my nieces and nephews!) his "brother" (only bothers when he wants something) is pregnant well, his also not so better half! 🤨
More to the story that I'm currently going through fertility treatment at the minute and awaiting to undergo ovarian drilling after ttc for 3 years now with PCOS and my social media is practically overflowing with pregnancies at the minute so I'm a little sensitive to it all. So my reaction although I am happy for them I struggle to show it because really deep down I am hurting inside and because it wasn't what he expected/wanted I'm being accused of always being funny toward his '"family" (more like strangers) and has now gone in a mood with me and upon explaining that well to be honest I don't want to know about anyone not just his brother being pregnant he then goes on to tell me "our time will come, I don't act like you when I heard about other being pregnant" (yeah because it's not you who's basically infertile you absolute p€#£k!!)
Now I'm left looking and feeling the bad one and haven't a clue on how to approach the situation without it causing another argument? Its not even about it being his brother it's anyone at the minute, the longer it goes on the worse it seems to get 😏

donnas146 Sun 13-Jan-19 15:44:52

In exactly the same situation apart from the cause of our infertility! Can’t stand ohs family.
His brother has abandoned one child he had from a one night stand and his gf of not even a year has just had one ( seems out of spite) as I can’t never understand how a woman could have a child with a man who would abandon his own. It will eat away at you if you don’t try and stop now believe me I’ve been there and I will always be bitter and jealous until we have our own. I’ve decided this year I’m not living this way and have distanced myself from them i grin and bare family gatherings. Just remember your giving it your all and fertility treatments make it possible x

Myusername101z Sun 13-Jan-19 16:01:34

Maybe you need to delete social media for a start

Nattx Sun 13-Jan-19 16:09:40

I don't want to be this way I shouldn't have to feel like I'm being a horror when it comes to people talking about pregnancy or whoever being pregnant it never used to bother me but after going through all the procedures just to get to where they are now by them just looking at each other basically 😂
And I don't want to remove all social media and just lock myself away from everyone, I want to be happy for them not feeling like I can't be simply because they've got what I want. Its a hard one but I know after that outburst earlier I do need to sort myself before it turns into a problem. Just don't know what to say to him to make him also understand my point of view..

autumngazer Sun 13-Jan-19 16:09:44

I'm not in your position OP but my heart goes out to you. It must be so hard hearing about other people's pregnancies when you're struggling to conceive. Especially when you have just walked through the door to his OTT reaction and expected to be so happy.

autumngazer Sun 13-Jan-19 16:10:42

Ps, don't be so hard on yourself, you're only human. Xx

intrigued2018 Sun 13-Jan-19 18:41:17

You definitely aren't alone with this @Nattx, I feel exactly the same when any friends or family announce pregnancy. I get upset for the first hour then pull myself together and realise we'll get our chance even if i can't naturally have the child myself. I monitor my sister and sister-in-laws drinking habits just in case 😂 infertility causes you to react in a way and feel a way you'd never think possible.
Tell DH he is insensitive, your happy for his brother but it hurts as it's a reminder of your situation! If you are going through treatment currently the drugs won't help either. I hope you are okay, the green eyed monster passes soon and you get great news in the form of a bfp!!! 😘 x

Nattx Sun 13-Jan-19 19:18:52

Well I did try and speak about it properly but turned into another argument because he simply cannot understand where I'm coming from and just keeps saying "well there is more than just you in this relationship" and obviously still can't understand that it's me where the problem lies not him so its going to bother me more than him and reckons I just have a problem with his family to which I'm struggling to understand why he is being so defensive when they don't even bother with him to start with! Not even a merry Christmas or Happy New Year from this brother in particular just a message a quick message about pregnancy which felt like abit of a rub in the face if I'm honest but hey ho his family not mine thankfully! Just makes me think that he cares more about his family that have done nothing for him than me who he apparently wants his own family with who has and would give him everything! Honestly if I didn't take myself away from the situation I'd of been on a murder charge.

autumngazer Sun 13-Jan-19 19:47:24

It's must be massively frustrating for you OP. Like banging your head against a brick wall. It's sad that the man you love and want a baby we can't cut you a bit of slack at such a stressful time in your life xxx

Nattx Sun 13-Jan-19 19:54:57

I've explained I am happy for them and anyone else who is pregnant as that's all I want myself but said it was the way he was basically bouncing off the walls about it as soon as I stepped through the door and I know it's his brother having a baby and I'm not saying he can't be happy about it but he could of been abit more sensitive bearing in mind what we are going through ourselves.
Honestly I feel like I'm in the wrong as he shouldn't be made to feel like he can't be happy but at the same time I'm so annoyed at him for how he's responded to my feelings and hasn't even bothered to even try and understand.
I'll get over it it's like I'm over the fact that they're pregnant it's not like they will want to know him as usual as terrible as that sounds.

autumngazer Sun 13-Jan-19 20:39:03

You don't have to be over the moon that someone who you're not close to is pregnant. I mean yeah good for them, but whatever. I can't believe he would even expect you to be given the situation. His priority should be you.

Honestly, don't be hard on yourself, he's being inconsiderate not even trying to understand your point of view. Xx

donnas146 Sun 13-Jan-19 21:16:08

“It’s me where the problem lies so not him so it’s going to be bother me more than him”

Not necessarily op and please don’t take this wrong as I completely u derstand how you feel believe me, but I feel like I feel more jealousy and anger and emotional pain than my oh and it’s him with where the issue lies, because we are a couple to me it means we are both infertile not just my oh. I’ve always told him we are in this together we struggle and feel it together but because he is a man he doesn’t show his emotions as much as me, I know he feels it but he deals with it alone rather than show me how much it upsets him especially watching a piece of shit like his brother playing family man while his other child is not in his life. I don’t mean it to make you feel bad but you need to be in this together and not let it destroy your relationship. Think you should talk to your oh and tell him how much this is upsetting you x

Nattx Mon 14-Jan-19 00:53:08

Thank you all for the support and advice, you've been amazing especially at a time I needed it the most! ❤
I have eventually calmed down and Donna you're right I think I said those words more in anger than anything else because we are in this together and usually we are a couple that doesn't let anything bother us, we have a bicker one minute and the next we are laughing and I think he realised how much it got to me not just about them being pregnant but about how he reacted to me not being as happy as him and how he didn't even consider my feelings or point of view of the situation because I took myself for a long bath and went to bed out the way before I killed him. 😂
When he did finally dare come to bed he approached me about it and said he understands but felt like I was making it all about me and looking back it's probably came across that way and now that you've said that it's made me realise more I could of also been abit more sensitive towards him as we are in it together but my emotions took over.
Autumn that's exactly it! We never see them or hear from them apart from this so that's probably added to the mix as it felt like they basically gave me the salt to rub into my wounds. It does still niggle me abit deep down but who am I to begrudge someone else just because they've got what we want so desperately? I'd hate it if it was the other way round
One thing we have said throughout all of this is that what matters most is that we have got each other. I know we want our own family more than anything but if all came to all and it wasn't possible I wouldn't trade him for the world even though I could of easily strangled him earlier on.. 🙈🙊

autumngazer Mon 14-Jan-19 07:27:16

Glad you've talk to through and sorted it. You're bound to have your ups and downs brought this process. Stick together. All the best. Xx

donnas146 Mon 14-Jan-19 08:13:34

That’s good to hear op
Also remember it’s very normal to feel how you do and don’t ever feel bad for being upset about others pregnancy announcements/births. It’s natural to feel the way you do x

GG2233 Tue 15-Jan-19 01:24:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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