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Just a moan about how unfair it all is

(5 Posts)
DontCareBear Thu 10-Jan-19 18:34:16

Hi guys!

Per the title, I just want a moan and invite anybody else feeling fed up or down to have a moan too!

I want to moan about how unfair it is that:
- we even have to be in the "infertility" talks section of mumsnet - sometimes I hate just having to click the link with its stupid, goading title, sometimes that in itself puts me in a mood. How lucky those in the "conception" group are and I am sure most of them dont even know it sad
- how we have to try and try and try while others seemingly achieve their miracle so easy. The fact that we refer to having a baby as a miracle is evidence of our struggle in itself.
- the fact most of us will probably have to pay so much money to achieve this miracle whereas others take for granted they can have this for free.
- that those of us going for treatment have to endure the needles, the bruises, the relentless stress and preoccupation of thoughts in our pursuit of our miracle.
- we have to live in constant limbo for fear that if we did manage a miraculous conception, we dont want to risk doing ANYTHING that could jeopardise our hard fought for glimmer of hope.
- we have to endure the mental kicks to the face (and ovaries!) whenever somebody announces they are pregnant (again) compared to those lucky women that can just simply be happy for their friends and family whenever they hear an announcement. They will never know the ugly thoughts that our involuntary bouts of jealousy have playing on loop in our minds until we can finally readjust to the news and settle back into our "numb new normal"
- the fact that every day, until otherwise diagnosed, we have to worry that it may never happen for us.

I literally could go on but I feel as though it gets to a point where even moaning about the unfairness becomes stupid and repetitive. It is what it is, as they say.

Ah there. I feel better. Also I dont mean to offend anyone here. It really is just a big old moan so i can get some of the stuff out of my head!

Generally, I am doing fine and am accepting my new normal. I even accept my potential Plan B - a life of travel and good times with my husband. 2019 is the final hurrah for us!

Feel free to moan away ladies (and gents if there are any on mumsnet hmm)
X

VenusStarr Thu 10-Jan-19 18:42:19

Just to say you are not on your own @DontCareBear, it's shit. I have cried pretty much every day for a month. We're not even in the system yet, so my moan is how long everything takes. I had a scan and potentially have tubes blocked by fibroids so will need surgery before I can even get referred. And my dh was supposed to have his sperm analysis this week but it was pushed back to March.

Sorry you are going through this too. Do you mind me asking what stage you are at? X

donnas146 Thu 10-Jan-19 18:50:34

I’m feeling exactly the same way op! Sick of being obsessed with ttc sick of clicking onto this forum even though I can’t help it because it’s my only place to talk to anybody who understands. I’m a different person since ttc last 2 years have been the worst and to top it all off most my friends and family are pregnant/having babies so it’s wveeywhere right now and most of them did t even want to be pregnant. It’s cruel and unfair. I haven’t had an ivf round yet and I’m already terrified of that not working for us because I can’t actually ever see it happening I can’t really see me ever having my own child. Seems so out of reach. I’ve been severely depressed all week at another birth of my husbands brother oh who already has a child he abandoned. But today I woke up and thought it is what it is my jealousy is not going to change it. So my goal this year is to lose weight tone up and get healthy as I can. What about you op ? X

DontCareBear Thu 10-Jan-19 18:50:48

Hi @VenusStarr smile sorry to hear that and yes it is so crap! The waiting around for appointments is also torture when you just want to get things moving.

We have been trying since we got married in 2015. Never even a hint of a positive test. I am polycystic but havent been diagnosed with PCOS as hormones and everything are fine. Been on metformin since Sept no luck. So have an appointment with clinic end of Jan to talk about starting IVF. On our last option now.

DontCareBear Thu 10-Jan-19 19:39:31

@donnas146 yes I know exactly how you feel about the pregnancies all around. Apart from a couple that dont want kids and another going through the IVF process, my husband and I are literally the only ones left in our circle of friends that dont have children. Others are onto their 2nd and 3rd now. My OLDER sis fell pregnant on her wedding night after I advised her to start trying now if she wants kids as she doesnt want to waste too much time if things go wrong (she is 34 and I am 31). I love her and am so happy for her that it went well but it hit me hard the day she told me. I was in a daze for about 3 days until I could accept it. All they did was stopped using protection. She is the sis that didn'twant kids either and 5 months in I can hear the excitement in her voice when she tells me about the little movements and the facts and figures she reads up about in books. It stings as I can't help feeling it should be me too and not just now, it shouldve been me 3 years ago sad (not instead of her, I really am glad she didnt have issues as I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through this let alone my sis). I feel sad for the "wasted" years of trying with no result. I feel sad that I may never feel that excitement or enjoy having a baby grow inside my belly and be happy for a change that it keeps getting bigger! I wish so much I could just be like any other sister and enjoy helping her on her journey without the undertones of envy sad but I am planning her baby shower, which is helping as it allows me to really get stuck in and feel positive about it all.

Great that you have some goals to get fit and healthy. That is my goal too in prep for IVF. Then if IVF fails (which, like you, I have no great hopes for as stats are against us) I will continue to get fit and healthy for the purpose of getting a bikini body and booking various holidays in far away sunny places!

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