This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Secondary infertility(3 Posts)
Hi, I wanted to share this as I am feeling a bit helpless. I am a single mum of one. A year ago I was diagnosed with secondary infertility (high FSH). I am now 38 and after a failed marriage and given my age I had given up on the thought of having more children. I have been seeing someone for the last year or so and inevitably my situation came into the conversation. He says he loves me and that I am everything he ever wanted, a great companion etc, but he (although initially he had said he did not want children) has now decided that he wants his own child. In fact he said that it was his interactions with me and my son that made him realise that he wants it. This has come as a little bit of a shock as it was out of the blue. I am finding it hard to cope at the moment. Although I do have a child, and I feel extremely blessed about it, and grateful, I can’t help but take his reaction as a rejection of me and everything I stand for. I feel like my body is not functioning the way it should and struggling to cope with the fact that this seems to be the only thing that matters. I have feelings for him and could imagine a future together, even one where I would openly discuss other options so that he can experience parenthood, he is adamant that he is not willing to discuss any of it. I feel cheated and my self esteem has dropped below zero. We are not married or anything but I do feel deprived of something that I was finally enjoying, for reasons that are outside of my control. A part of me wants to tell him that finding the right partner is not easy and that if you feel what you have is right you should go with your gut, but another part of me wants to let him go and experience parenthood the way he wants. Either way it hurts so much. I don’t want to sound insensitive with anyone that is having challenges having one child even, bit secondary infertility also puts so much pressure on married couples but also on potential new relationships. I was told to try one of those therapy groups for premature ovarian ageing syndrome (my official diagnosis) but haven’t done it yet. I feel like I need to mourn what my body was able to do but can’t any more and also mourn the relationship that is ending because of that. I am angry and sad and feel alone. Thank you for listening....
He hasn't been through infertility and so he is talking about wanting from a child having absolutely no idea what it feels like not being able to have one.
Sit him down and really talk him through the odds, what your experience has been and how it makes you feel when he talks about it.
Thank you in his mind it is unfair as I have my own child and therefore that need has been fulfilled. I completely understand where he is coming from but that does not make it less painful to be honest. I don't know how to ignore my feelings for him and how to stop blaming myself for not being enough...