Another childless christmas

(28 Posts)
Sunshine19 Sun 18-Nov-18 15:33:37

Hi I love Christmas as much as the next person but at this time of year my hormones get the better of me and I start to feel sorry for myself about my infertility and not having a child to watch open their presents on Christmas morning.

Does anyone else feel like this?? It’s really getting me down the now.

Thanks for reading ❤️

OP’s posts: |

The last couple christmases I have imagined in the lead up how, if I got pregnant by then, I could tell my family on Christmas day a surprise. I get to about now in the year and think.. okay maybe if I get pregnant next month.. and then in December reality hits again. It's really tough.

The thing that has helped me (purely in this instance, rather than all the other times of the year when I create hypothetical pregnancy announcements in my head that never come to anything) is trying to focus on Christmas as a celebration of my faith rather than children (as my husband and I are Christians), but I totally empathise with your hurting ❤️

ohbigdaddio Sun 18-Nov-18 16:38:40

Hi Sunshine19 I comforted myself last Christmas with the thought that 'maybe this time next year I'll be pregnant.'

This hasn't happened and so for me Christmas is one of those horrible signifiers that, hey, a whole year has gone by and I am still in the same boat as last year. I find it depressing for this reason, as well as like you say Christmas being about children and we don't have children. Add to that several of my friends will be celebrating their 1st (or 2nd/3rd) Christmases with their child/children and the whole thing makes me want to tell the whole world to just f**k off!

Yep, it's crap alright. All I can say is you are not alone in this, no matter how much it can feel like that. xx

pattyhoo Sun 18-Nov-18 16:54:13

I'm totally feeling this very much this year. I actually felt very sad reading about Christmas Eve boxes on here the other week and not having a little one to do this for. I've decided to do it for my mum though as a surprise for her.

It sucks. We should probably do all the thinks parents can't do but it it's just sad isn't it? 

Steakandkidney Sun 18-Nov-18 17:00:33

Im so sorry to all of you. X

JenFromTheGlen Sun 18-Nov-18 17:01:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Donnas146 Sun 18-Nov-18 17:43:43

Yes exactly what mayihavesomecakeplease said
Every year i imagine in my head how I can tell my family I’m pregnant Christmas Day and how wonderful it would be but it hasn’t happened yet
I used to love Christmas but now find it depressing. I just try to enjoy as much as I can with my nieces and nephews and of course my hubby who is like a child on Christmas Day he’s up at 7 😂he loves Christmas so he makes it easier for me and we aren’t alone in how we feel hun so don’t ever feel alone in it x


namechange9080 Sun 18-Nov-18 18:23:42

Hugs to you all! 🥰

FingersXssd83 Tue 20-Nov-18 17:04:58

I feel exactly the same. Last year was awful and this year I'll have had a failed ivf cycle so can't imagine it'll be any better.

I have lovely nieces but just want a family of our own. Christmas exacerbates the loneliness feeling for me.

I'm hoping to start my second cycle in Jan so I won't want to indulge on naughty food and drink.

Just going to concentrate on new beginnings and try to remain optimistic for our second cycle working xxx

Rarfy Tue 20-Nov-18 17:18:17

I had this last year. Slightly different but i had been pregnant 3 times previously and lost them all at different stages including a stillbirth. Last year it really hit me. I wanted traditions like people with kids have. I am so into Christmas and have always loved it but last year was my worst ever.

In hindsight i wish dp and i had started some new traditions of our own. Things like a nicr christmas eve meal out. Maybe christmas lunch out. A few drinks and midnight mass on christmas eve. A nice walk on christmas day and an afternoon in the local on boxing day in all our christmas finery.

Im so sorry to you all and hope you can find a way to make it a little gentle on yourselves.

Sunshine19 Thu 22-Nov-18 21:00:03

Lovely messages here of empathy and sympathy when it feels like the only place in the world you can vent!

@mayihavesomecakeplease yeah, been there and bought the hpts all for a bundle of complete sorry you have to go through this too. Yeah your right, many more things to keep you distracted in the meantime. I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your DP xox
@ohbigdaddio 100% agree! Same auld big hype leading to the worst disappointment..meanwhile the pals and the sisters are getting hyped up about the latest toys and excited for 1st/2nd and 3rd christmases etc.. I love my friends babies and my neices / nephews but the feeling of being left out takes over and I so want to be a part of it, it’s so painful. Hugs to you!
@pattyhoo that’s a lovely idea and I’m sure your mum will appreciate it! Hugs to you!!
@Donnas146 totally feel your pain! It’s the dream that seems totally out of reach more so when Aunt Flo shows face like a punch in the throat!! That’s made me smile about your DP tho! That would keep anyone’s spirits up for sure!! Hope you have a lovely Christmas!
@Fingersxssd83 oh I’m so sorry to hear about your IVF. That must be hard too! I really hope your next round works for you. January? Fingers crossed for you! Think I might be starting my 1st round about then..waiting to find out what happens next with protocol after our bloods got taken from last month. I’m going to enjoy being the drunk auntie this Christmas and slow down for new year. That’s the plan anyway 😂
@Rarfy i don’t know what to say but I’m so sorry for your losses. Totally heartbreaking for you and big hugs! I hope you do make plans with your DP, sometimes a distraction helps along the way. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.
Thank you ladies and thank you so much for your kind replies! you all deserve your Christmas wish and I hope this time next year we all get our dream come true ❤️

OP’s posts: |
Rainbowqueeen Thu 22-Nov-18 21:02:08

flowers to you all

Blacktoffeecat Thu 22-Nov-18 21:06:50


Rarfy Thu 22-Nov-18 21:14:14

I didnt want to say and seem insensitive but after all that heartbreak, this Christmas day i will be 35wks pregnant with a section booked for 2 weeks time so i am proof that next Christmas might just be very dofferent for you all. flowers

BeaCat Sat 24-Nov-18 21:45:14

Lovely news @Rarfy, sounds like you deserve a wonderful Christmas. Like you said, it's always good to keep hoping next year will be different X

Rarfy Sun 25-Nov-18 07:28:59

Thanks @beacat. I truly hope a lot of you find yourselves where i am this time next year if not before.

If it helps for anyone in similar circumstances the only things i have done differently this time around is baby aspirin, extra vitamin d on top of normal pregnancy vits and b12.

I dont know if its made a difference,if all the previous pregnancies were really just bad luck but at this moment in time this baby is healthy and normal. I also wasnt drinking much / if any alcohol prior to bfp this time.

My first mmc i didnt get tested they just said commong to mc first pregnancy. My second pregnancy was a stillbirth, my son had a condition called pffd which resulted in a very severe physical disability. My third pregnancy the hb stopped just over 14 wks (had already had my 12wk scan and was lead to believe everything looked fine there) and that one had triploidy and would never have survived.

Just adding incase it gives anyone hope.

Sunshine19 Sun 25-Nov-18 09:21:37

Congratulations to you @rarfy!! That is lovely news and I’m happy that you’ve had a healthier pregnancy this time! You’ve really had a time of it and you deserve your dream too! Not long to go now you must be excited! I hope your last few weeks go smooth and your little rainbow arrives in time for Xmas! Really does give a little sliver of hope. That’s all we can do now I suppose xox

OP’s posts: |
Rarfy Sun 25-Nov-18 12:19:30

Thank you so much. She's not due until 29 Jan grin but i have placenta praevia so looking at a csection at 37 weeks which i am happy enough with. Means i know when she's coming and she should arrive safely. Thank you.

Chuktuk009 Tue 27-Nov-18 18:01:13

Hi. This thread has really helped me not feel alone with dreading Xmas. Just had AF (had brown spotting 2 days ago, I really thought it was implantation) which means I will be having lap and dye op a few days before Xmas, my family don't know about it. And I'll be spending Xmas with babies and being asked when will we be having babies and how good I look holding a baby.

Sunshine19 Tue 27-Nov-18 19:16:35

Hi @Chuktuk009 sorry you had to be a part of this post too. You never know? Could be implantation or you like myself and test daft and get your hopes raised for that miserable single line? The lap and dye test is that the HSG? Yeah, it’s heartbreaking when all you want is your own, to be a part of the excited xmas chat and stop the annoying uncertainty of fertility. You can chat here anytime. I find this thread the only place I can chat..nobody really gets it and my man is my best friend but he takes it really personal and thinks he’s to blame so I don’t talk about it with him anymore. Sorry to sound depressing, just a bit down the now. Hugs to you xox

OP’s posts: |
CatsForLife Tue 27-Nov-18 19:28:43

Regular poster but name changed. It took me 10 years of fertility treatment including five IUIs and then five rounds of IVF to get pregnant. I can honestly say Christmas was the toughest time for me throughout it all. I get it. My heart goes out to all of you.

Chuktuk009 Tue 27-Nov-18 22:10:34

@Sunshine19 thanks. Lap and dye isn't hcg (I think) it's hycosy but through keyhole surgery (they tried but didn't work). I know what you mean about not being able to speak to your partner, my DH has been so good but he has perfect sperm so I feel so guilty as its all my fault. I like that there are groups like this but hate that other couples are going through infertility, no one should have to.

Laurenita Sat 01-Dec-18 17:26:22

I also had this conversation in my head about us telling our parents at Christmas, safe to say that won't be happening this Christmas. Started Clomid this month even though I ovulated last month and even though there were 2 promising follicles, I show no signs of EWCM which is unusual and OPKs are completely negative, not even a hint of a line. I feel like Clomid has somehow made it worse :'( Also, I turn the dreaded 35 in 8 days which I've been down about too. I was never a fan of Christmas as an adult, Christmas to me, is for kids. Either being one or having them.

TinyPaws Sat 01-Dec-18 18:05:38

I'm dreading Christmas. I'm being forced to work Christmas Eve, not because my own workload demands it but because I have to cover for a colleague who is on mat leave, her baby is due just a few days after the one I miscarried was. This means a long journey late into the evening/night to get to family for Christmas Day.

I'm in the 2WW of an IVF cycle but currently feeling very despondent and like this cycle has not worked.

Bananacloud Sun 02-Dec-18 18:54:03

@tinypaws good luck with your 2ww. When is test date?

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