Missed miscarriage

[Monkeygirl1978]

40 yr old female
Lucky to get 5 embryos
Fresh transfer failed, no implantation, just bled on normal period date
Now we’ve just been for our viability scan having had a positive test at 2 weeks, and a good serum bHCG on bloods sent at the weekend. Had been having pregnancy symptoms but these stopped this week. Viability scan sadly showed this little tiny scrap, the sonography thought about 5 or 6 weeks of pregnancy where i should be 8 weeks, no heart beat. All they could say is come back in a week but I know it’s died.
My partner is trying to be very positive and optimistic but I knows it’s gone, and I am so disappointed and tearful. I am also scared as the clinic didn’t really say what’s going to happen - I guess I’ll start bleeding at some point? Or I might need some sort of procedure. I wasn’t really able to ask anything sensible and I feel a bit foolish for not knowing. I wanted to go swimming to help take my mind off it but I don’t want to bleed in the pool. Just really wish I’d have had more prescence of mind to ask

[Monkeygirl1978]

Sorry should say this was first FET

[loveulotslikejellytots]

I had a mmc in March. I was measuring 5/6 weeks when I should have been 11. They made me wait a week (just in case I was wrong with my dates and I was only 5 weeks, it would have been too early for a heart beat) and then I had to have a scan again to check the progress. It hadn't progressed any further and still no heart beat so we were then given options of how to proceed.

Did the hospital/clinic give you no further information about what they will do next?

[Monkeygirl1978]

Honestly I feel like I don’t know, I guess they were focusing on the come back in a week thing. Which I don’t really understand, it’s not like the dates are going to be wrong about an embryo transfer

[mineofuselessinformation]

Unless it's completely impossible that you could become pregnant, the clinic needs to rule out a natural pregnancy, as unlikely as that may be.
It's a very tough situation to be in.
I suspect your partner is trying to be positive for you as well as himself.
MMC is a horrible limbo to be in.
My sympathies to you.

[Runner31]

I've just been in your situation. At the scan they told me that because of the size of the pregnancy sac (14.8mm) they couldn't say 100% That I didn't have a late developing embryo. Apparently some are just slow. At that appointment they didn't discuss any miscarriage options with me. They were pretty clear about what they thought would happen but referred me to the early miscarriage unit for the second scan. At that scan they said the sac had grown but it waa clearer now there was no developing embryo and it was at this point they gave me 3 options; wait to miscarry naturally, have a medical induced miscarriage or go for surgery (a d and c). I went for the surgical removal because I just couldn't cope with my body still telling me I was pregnant when I knew I wasn't. I just wanted it all over. I got the d and c 5 days after the 2nd scan. It was completely painless, I had light bleeding for a week after and physically that was it. Emotionally I've been a mess. I stopped progesterone 3 days before the surgery (on advice from the clinic) and my hormones have been unbearable. I've cried for 48 straight at times. The hormones may have been worse for me. I think they're part of my infertility problem and I'm really sensitive to changes in them.
I hope you get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible. Big hugs. Xxx

[Peanut1980]

Hi @monkeygirl1978. I’m sorry to hear you’re in this situation. I’m in the same boat at the moment. I had my viability scan on Friday when I was 6 weeks 3 days. All looked good apart from their being no heartbeat. Baby measured 6 weeks but we thought that was down to me implanting late. I was told to go back for another scan this Friday. I actually went for another scan somewhere else today in hope things had progressed but no such luck. I called the clinic today and they said it didn’t sound good. They said I have to go in on Friday to confirm it’s not viable and they’ll advise on next steps. I’ve cried soooo much. It’s just a heartbreaking experience. Good luck to you for your next scan. I really hope you get some good news x

[Monkeygirl1978]

Sorry to hear that peanut. Unfortunately I think these scans are quite accurate. Have an appointment at the early pregnancy unit Thursday am to have a repeat and decide what needs to be done, as not bled yet
Am wavering between upset and rational hope for better luck next time

[Peanut1980]

I know how you feel @monkeygirl1978. I have waves of crying and then waves of let’s just Move forward, recovery and focus on the next cycle. Might still be a long process for the miscarriage to complete. I haven’t bled yet. I had some back ache today and not sure if that’s the start or just from being tense. It’s all such an unknown right now. I need to wait until Friday for the clinic to scan again and confirm the next steps. I hope your scan is OK on Thursday. Let us know how you get on. Take care of yourself xxx

[HollieBush]

I'm in the same boat sadly and also failed to ask about options as the focus was on getting tests due to repeated miscarriages. It's so shitty having spent a month being terrified of what I might discover each time I went to the loo and feeling relieved not to find blood, to now be desperately hoping to see some. Ditto now feeling upset to be getting such strong BFPs. I knew a week before the scan that my symptoms had stopped so wasn't completely shocked to hear the worst but finding the mmc limbo much harder to deal with than the onset of a bleed. Just want to feel 'normal' again. Think I might ask about a d and c.

[Peanut1980]

@holliebush so sorry to hear you’re at the same place. I had awful cramps in the night and was hoping that today things might get moving but no such luck yet. It’s awful isn’t it? I feel mentally in a better place about it today but whether it will stay like that I don’t know. When is your next appointment? If it doesn’t happen naturally soon I’ll see if I can get a d&c. I was speaking to someone last night and she said when she was referred to the NHS for the D&C they wanted to do another 2 scans each a week apart before completing the surgery. Just to make sure the clinic hasn’t made an error 😩😩😩 Could be a long process...

[HollieBush]

@Peanut1980 My next appointment is supposed to be on day 20 of my next period for tests... so who knows when that will be - bracing myself for the fact it could be months. Desperate as I am to get it all over with, I guess maybe it's good if my body wants to go on pause for a little bit (though not for too long) as the temptation is just get on with the next cycle asap I'm really in the last chance saloon but psychologically probably do need some chill out time first. Felt a bit better last night having hit the hard with friends and thought about other things for an evening, which is something I've not been able to do for ages.... so of course now feeling rubbish after the booze and another crappy night's sleep.

Things will seem better once the hormones start to dissipate. It's hard because I was reaching quite a settled sort of acceptance that this wasn't going to work for us and now got to work on letting go of the dashed hopes all over again! But we'll get there...

[Peanut1980]

It’s so difficult @holliebush. I’m tempted to want to start on the next cycle ASAP but I’m going to work on my recovery first. I love the gym but have hardly been since starting this cycle. I’m going to start again next week and hope to take some frustrations out down there. I’ve been addicted to googling everything so I’m really going to try and have more screen free time too. Just want everything to stop being so intense for a bit. Are you still taking progesterone?

[HollieBush]

No @Peanut1980 - there was no question re: the scan results as I'd had to delay the scan til 7w+1 (from the original date of 6w+3) due to being away for work and with a transvaginal scan at that stage there isn't really room for error... so stopped the progesterone 48 hours ago and now just waiting for the bleed. I have bled twice whilst on progesterone in the past but the doctor did stress that I should stop taking it or it would prevent the bleed. Frankly I couldn't wait to stop it anyway and whilst I'm desperate for the bleed to get underway, I suppose it has been a novelty to have clean pants for a couple of days after the suppositories!

When I've been pregnant in the past I really cut down on exercise and miscarried each time... this time I didn't and still miscarried... I think the gym will do you good for sure and whilst it has been helpful to see this thread and feel a little less alone, I'm sure you've been googling all the same things as me recently and I agree that some google-free time will also help enormously.

Tonight DH and I are going to eat take away pizza and have a hair-of-the-dog glass or two of wine, watch a comedy, and then back to the healthy living and getting myself physically and mentally well again. One thing I really have neglected has been yoga as I was too scared of twisting or stretching things etc. so I'm hoping picking that up again will help with the inevitable mood swings that will happen over the next few weeks. I'm rubbish at it but it does at least help me focus on slow and deep breathing etc.

I guess you are still taking the progesterone until you get confirmation? As I said, I don't know how much it does delay things as I've bled on it before and been off it for 48 hours now and no sign yet...

[Peanut1980]

Ahh I hope you have a nice evening tonight. I’ve thought of getting drunk but I’m so bad with alcohol. It would be followed by non stop puking which would just make me feel a million times worse. Yoga is sooooo good. I def want to get back into that. Do it! I did go back to the gym last week but did some ridiculous low impact and resistance and only for 30 mins a day. I hope it’s just coincidence but it seems thats when the pregnancy stopped. I had a miscarriage last year and it seemed to happen the day after I went running. But then I hear of full term pregnant women still doing hiit and body pump classes so I don’t get it. I would just like to have a real outer body experience for my next pregnancy and let someone else control it while I sit on a beach catching some rays!

I hope your bleed starts soon so you can start to move forward x

[Peanut1980]

How are you getting on @holliebush @monkeygirl1978?? I’ve spent the day in hospital today for surgical management of the miscarriage. I was so nervous about the general anaesthetic and all the risks but pleased to be home in bed. Well I’m actually staying at my mother in laws tonight and she’s looking after my son (and my husband 🙈!) for me xxx

[Monkeygirl1978]

Hi there
I started bleeding a bit on Friday, and then had a bad episode causing lots of drama at work yesterday, and ended up with a procedure under local anaesthetic, as I assumed I’d passed the sac etc but hadn’t and was just bleeding too much. Went home within an hour or two and just resting up now, was more scary for my partner than me as I was in no position than just to go with it! Great service from the NHS, sorted me out really quickly, tried to give us some privacy, kind without being overly pandering.

[Peanut1980]

Oh my goodness @monkeygirl1978. Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. That sounds so traumatic. As if you Haven’t been through enough. I’m pleased you’re better now and recovering. I hope your partner is OK. Wishing you a speedy recovery now lovely xxxx

[HollieBush]

@monkeygirl1978 @Peanut1980 hope you are both doing better today. I also started bleeding a few days ago and am just going with the (heavy and clotty) flow. It's really a bit grim and painful but only to the extent of it being like a very, very heavy and painful period and nothing like as bad as what you've been through monkeygirl, so am going to let nature take its course without intervention assuming things continue like this. Took a pregnancy test a week apart from the one I took after the scan and the line was just as strong so thinking it will take quite some time to get a BFN and to be able to think about next cycle etc. Will keep taking them a week apart to keep monitoring but will not allow myself to get obsessive and do it more frequently than that! I don't know for sure but am assuming your medical interventions will help speed that process a long a bit in comparison to just leaving it the way I am, so as much as a hospital visit is really not what you guys needed at all I guess there might be a positive side to it - and there's no way I could do anything like going for a swim right now as you're not supposed to use tampons and my supposedly "relaxing" bath last night instantly showed me that going for a swim was out of the question. So very gentle autumnal walks and early nights with the hot water bottle for me for the next couple of weeks and then time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start to think about moving on. Look after yourselves.

[HollieBush]

ps - I know you've said you had a miscarriage before Peanut but, monkeygirl, if you haven't, then I do recommend getting cheap HPTs and monitoring your BFPs until you get a BFN. Seen too many stories of people leaving it a month or so and then getting a BFP and being excited, only to discover it's a hangover from their miscarriage. That's why I'm monitoring it a week apart as I just don't need to add to the emotional rollercoaster ride that is my life right now!

[Monkeygirl1978]

That’s good advice regarding the pregnancy tests, the gynaecologist told us the same. I think you’re fine to stick it out with the bleeding your having, I think mine only went a bit pear shaped because I got very faint feeling and lost more blood than normal because a clot got stuck they said

[HollieBush]

I'm so glad you got that advice Monkeygirl - I was never given it and was so close to having the problem myself after my second miscarriage and fortunately my naturally realistic/pessimistic tendencies made me look it up first before any excitement could kick in.In fact I've never been given that advice nor any advice about a D&C, hence me responding to your OP - I've had to just work it all out myself as I've gone along but very glad to hear you were treated so well with this.

Wishing you all the very best - I'm sure it feels bleak at times at the moment but you are really lucky to be producing 5 embryos that are also good enough to freeze, Really hope the next time is your time, but you still have chances if not.

[Monkeygirl1978]

Thank you. I think it’ll be a few months before I feel up to it, and then we’ll have to decide if we’re brave enough. It was quite scary

[HollieBush]

I totally get that - we've really taken our time in between miscarriages and failed IVF cycles and others are quite keen to tell us we're mad and remind us that the clock has nearly given up the ghost (I'm also 40 - nearer 41 now - and we've only produced 3-4 embryos on our 2 cycles and the 'back ups' have not survived freezing, and other miscarriages have been natural conception) but we have a really strong marriage and one of the things we've just had to keep in mind is that we both (particularly me as the woman for obvious reasons but both) of us have to feel that we are strong enough before we face the next step whatever that step may be - infertility is such a bugger and IVF and miscarriages take such a toll as it is, and we just can't let it breaks us or our relationship. Given you having that really scary experience, you definitely need to give yourself time for you and your partner to look after one another and then decide what next when you are both feeling better. From the tiny references you've made in this thread, it sounds like your partner really supports you and that is so valuable in this whole process.

[Monkeygirl1978]

Yes, that is true. I couldn’t have asked for more.

[Peanut1980]

Hi ladies. How are you doing? I’m struggling so much. Going to go to Drs tomorrow in desperate hope they can give me a pill to make it all go away. I’m so exhausted and irritable. It feels so physical. I thought I was dealing with it all so well but wasn’t dealing with it at all. I want my little miracle back 😢😢😢