Page 2 | FET this coming monday, anyone joining me?

(33 Posts)
Catren Wed 24-Oct-18 13:28:00

I'll be doing my second FET after a freeze all cycle in September and a failed FET attempt last month. Strong positives then it all ended on 16dpo. We have 4 frosties left, all pgd/pgs tested so should be good to go. My fs is worried about an implantation issue so did an endo scratch on cd4 and has given me clexane (blood thinner) to inject after the transfer.

Looking for a bit of a hand hold, I'm not as optimistic this time after my first cycle and kind of planning for the worst.

Ovulated today so start progesterone pessaries on Friday, then transfer on Monday 🤞

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Botanica Sun 04-Nov-18 21:51:43

Thanks @Catren

This last round (fourth cycle) had so much promise as I had a really good EC, but we ended up with no blastocysts to transfer.

Taking stock right now and having some time off from it all, despite the age pressures (I'm 40). My body and mind can't take any more right now and I've had to step down from my job as they can't accommodate any more time out from me. I'm looking at it as a gift to myself to recover and get myself fit, healthy and strong again, and detoxed from all these hormones.

Deciding whether to attempt a fifth round next year, despite the chances of success being so low now, or consider the donor egg route. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet so using the next few months to give it some thought. Affordability is a whole other issue...

It's the emotional aspects I'm finding toughest. I don't recognise who I've become - exhausted, oversensitive, and occasionally angry and jealous. It's horrible and it's not who I am. The rest from it all will do me good, I know it.

I'm a bit lost really, not really fitting in anywhere and floating around wanting to feel part of something, rather than a lonely failure....

Hopefully I can come back to it all in the new year with some fighting spirit!!!

Catren Mon 05-Nov-18 00:56:26

Gosh Botanica that sounds like such a rough ride. I am starting to know what you mean about losing yourself into a fug of sensitivity and jealousy, I feel like a bit of a sadder person than I used to be. I can't imagine how it feels after 4 cycles. It sounds like a brilliant idea to give your body (and mind!) a rest for the next few months and work on feeling better and more yourself. It might be quite a relief not working towards a baby for a little while. I felt that when we started IVF, as I suddenly wasn't responsible for it anymore, it is the embryologist and fertility consultant in charge now! Considering donor eggs must also be so difficult, is it a complicated process? I really hope this time helps you to figure it all out.

I am wondering if a bit of a break over the next few months might be a good thing for us, particularly over christmas. My egg count is still pretty good for my age (36), although I'm not sure if age comes into the implantation rate as this seems to be our problem.

I've brought my blood test forward to thursday rather than friday this week, so they can put me out of my misery! I said as much to the nurse, who gave me the line "you never know!" but I can't stand the optimism - I'd much rather expect bad news than raise my hopes and have the huge disappointment.. on the phone with the nurse.. Sorry that was a bit of a digression..!

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Cariad2017 Mon 05-Nov-18 08:29:00

CatRen - mercifully I’m not bleeding but UTIs can trigger miscarriages if they become kidney infections, and I’ve been feeling so grim that I’m worried that it could have spread. I had a scan on Thursday (before the while UTI debacle) and all was fine, but I’m very conscious that at 10 weeks they can’t see a huge amount.

I haven’t had immunes done myself, but I know those who’ve had them done for repeat miscarriages and who’ve had positive outcomes.

Botanica - Sorry you’ve had such a torrid time. Taking a step back for a little while in your shoes sounds like a sensible plan. I shall definitely be rooting for you if you decide to take the plunge and do another cycle next year.

Catren Tue 06-Nov-18 11:56:38

cariad my fingers are firmly crossed for you that everything continues to go well. The anxiety must be terrible until you get to 12w.

I've had another bfn with fmu this morning. I'm 8dp5dt so 13dpo. I've had my cry and am trying to prepare myself for the negative beta on thursday. It's all such bs!

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Bananacloud Tue 06-Nov-18 12:55:20

You have 4 embies left. Don’t lose hope xx

Catren Tue 06-Nov-18 21:11:34

We have three left now, and it doesn't look like I'm able to carry them. I'm feeling pretty down about that and the possibility of wasting the remaining three we have. I guess we'll find out soon what the next steps will be. I know I'm very early in the ivf journey compared to others but it doesn't make it easier knowing others have it harder.

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Catren Thu 08-Nov-18 00:21:10

It's all over for us this time. Bfn from beta today. Glad I haven't told many people in rl this transfer as I can't really bear the thought of having to give the bfn update again. Wondering whether our chances have now gotten smaller with two failed attempts. Feeling definitely to blame for all this, something is wrong with me that our "beautiful" embryos are not sticking. Vent vent vent. Not sure how I'll cope with the next few months with some important family births on the way. I'd hoped to be pregnant before they happen but that's looking unlikely. Apparently the clinic's counsellor will be calling me in the next few days, and writing all this down makes me think I need it. Thanks for all your support ladies x

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StillLikeAirIRise Thu 08-Nov-18 08:00:59

Hi catren, I'm so sorry to read this update. My embryologist said after the last cycle that it was "text book" and how lucky I was to get beautiful top quality embryos- which I am, I'm well aware how many embryos aren't suitable to freeze, but it's hard to be happy about a text book cycle when it's just a BFN on the test day.

I get that it doesn't matter how many beautiful embryos you have if they don't implant, and that's going to be your overriding fear going forward. I hope this isn't the case and it's simply the statistics of how many IVF cycles fail with bad luck that it's the two that start for you.

Ultimately we all know IVF is a numbers game, but hope means that we all pray that we're the ones that get pregnant that cycle.

Look after yourself and best of luck for next time

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