Feeling awful after fourth failed cycle

[GemRo]

Hi all,
This is my first time on this forum. I am really struggling with IVF and I wanted to get some reassurance that I'm not just throwing money down the drain with nothing to show for it at the end. I've just finished my fourth cycle of IVF, I had a positive pregnancy test but then I started bleeding three weeks in and have just had it confirmed that the embryo is not growing. I am now waiting for the hospital to confirm the miscarriage so that I can stop taking the cyclogest and let nature take its course. This is the second time IVF has ended in this way for me.
I suppose I'm looking for a bit of reassurance that this can happen and I can go on to have a healthy pregnancy. I'm starting to feel that there's something wrong with me. We got a top quality blastocyst this time around so we thought we had it at last. Previously my consultant has blamed the failures on embryo quality.
Has anyone been in this situation before? I feel completely alone and I'm not sure how to continue.
Thanks in advance xx

[Botanica]

@GemRo please don't feel alone. There are a few of us in a similar position. It's completely shit isn't it.

I have have four failed fresh rounds and one failed frozen, with an 11 week MMC, CPs and various gynaecological ops throughout.

I can't say the IVF won't be an absolute waste of money if it's ultimately not successful, but I can say I gave it my best shot. That's one thing I can always look back on whatever the future holds.

What scares me most is being one of the stats - one of the people for whom it never works. There are some amazing ladies on the boards here who have gone through this and come out the other side. They give me hope and faith that if that's going to be me in the club too that I can carve out a new life beyond all of this turmoil at the moment.

@GemRo it's such an accomplishment to have the courage and strength to persevere through four rounds. It takes so much out of you to dig deep and deal with the successive knock-backs. I have admiration for anyone who does it. You only know when you've been through it.

It's also a very different experience from those who do IVF once or twice and get their BFP and a healthy pregnancy. I see a lot of people saying 'IVF wasn't that bad' or 'it was all worth it'. Yes for them, but sadly not for everyone.

I'm taking a few months off now to decide next steps. Not sure whether I've got it in me to go through any more. I've had to step down from my career, relationship feels likes it's falling apart, body and mind and exhausted.

Be kind to yourself and keep talking. There are people here who understand xxx

[GemRo]

Hi Botania, thank you so much for responding to me. It’s such an awful feeling and so difficult to explain it to people who can’t even begin to understand.
I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles with this. A break is definitely needed, if just to get my head back to normal, the false hope that comes with a chemical pregnancy is pretty tough to take.
Thank you again for responding to me. I wish you every success in whatever you decide to do next. My fingers will be crossed for you xxx

[SanFranDreaming]

I couldn’t read and run...I have been in your position. I haven’t posted in a long time....

I was successful on my 4th round of ICSI treatment, my 5th transfer in total.
A brief rundown....
Mild male factor discovered after 18months- slightly low motility

1st ICSI - 1 transferred day 3, none to freeze. BFN gutted (age 33)
2nd ICSI - 2 made it to top quality blasts, one transferred day 5. BFN. One frozen.
1st FET - BFP then chemical.
3rd ICSI - BFP then early miscarriage at 5+2. None to freeze.

This was my lowest point - I couldn’t understand why the third round was so much worse quality than the second (although we had got pregnant). We took six months off and had DH properly investigated by Mr Ramsey.

4th ICSI - 6 still in the running at day 5, with 2 very much ahead. 1 transferred and 2 good enough to freeze. We had our DS from this.

Things I have learned.
1/ It is a very random process. Each cycle is completely variable, much of which is outwith your control.
2/ take time to consider your options and ask to speak to your embryologist
3/ women are extensively investigated as part of the “work up” pre ivf, make sure you don’t forget about male factor
4/ 2 close friends also had fertility issues and both had multiple rounds of treatment prior to success
5/ I can’t tell you that you will be successful, but I can tell you that no matter what happens, you will be ok.
6/ it is so completely and utterly shit to be in this position.

Finally, I had a chemical, then an early miscarriage, and I managed somehow to see a positive in that something was happening and we felt like we were getting closer. For us, i looked on it as being a numbers game. We didn’t make good embryos, and it took time to find the elusive one that has the potential to become a baby. We are very very lucky, as I know not everyone is.

I wish you the very best of luck. Massive, massive hug. You are most definitely not alone x

[GemRo]

@sanfrandreaming thank you so much for your words. Hearing other people’s stories really helps. I’m so glad it worked out for you eventually, it’s all so gruelling and sometimes it’s hard to keep your chin up.