Unexplained Secondary Infertility

[LilacDaisyChain]

Long time lurker...first time poster.

Confirmed today by Gynaecologist Consultant that I have unexplained secondary fertility.

Been TTC #2 for 2 years, had an HSG and laparoscopy which showed mild endo. Took just over a year to conceive DS and I'm 31

I'm devastated, cannot afford IVF. Consultant said I still have a chance at conceiving naturally for another year before I should consider coming to an end or private fertility treatment.

DH wants stop TTC and I think I do too. For those of you that stopped, do you ever get over the longing/sadness? I'm looking into counselling but just wanted to hear some positive stories about having an only child when you had your heart set on two?

Thanks in advance

[londonstories]

Hi Lilac.

I am in a very similar position. We have a four year old and have been trying unsuccessfully for 3 years. It's very hard. I can relate to how you're feeling. I have had investigations and lap and dye etc... but nothing obviously wrong with me. DH has low motility unfortunately but I am not sure if that's definitely the cause. I am considering iui for next year but we definitely can't afford ivf. I am going to stop actively trying after giving the iui a go. I feel tired and sad. To be honest, at this stage the age gap would be big, so I am not sure if I want another now. And yet I do. I feel conflicted. It's a strange, hollow kind of sadness. I can't talk to other people with more than one child about it. I don't talk about it but if someone does ask about a 2nd child I tell them honestly that we tried but have been unsuccessful. I will always be a tiny bit sad about it but I try and look on the positive things I have, like a good career and a great DS and DH.

[LilacDaisyChain]

Thanks for the reply London. I took myself of the radar for a few days.

I feel exactly the same as you. I have started to tell people who ask and on the whole, they've been very supportive about my situation and understanding. I wish I told them sooner as it's made me feel not as lovely.

I too am now starting to think the age gap will be too big. DS has started school and is getting independent, part of me thinks do I really want to go back to the baby stage again?

Now I've had a couple of days of feeling sorry for myself, I'm starting to look at things positively. We've got a lot to be thankful for so must've let this get in the way of our happiness.

Thanks for the reply and I hope the IUI is successful

[YetAnotherThing]

Hi both. I feel similarly: have a 4 year old, unexplained secondary infertility and took the plunge with an expensive round of IVF that has failed. Am trying to come to terms with a life with just 3 of us. I’m one of 5 and so never imagined this would happen to me. We are so fortunate in many other ways, but currently am really struggling trying to adjust to our future. I don’t think we’d go down the IVF route again but don’t feel hopeful we’ll conceive naturally and feel that I need to draw a line under it (but still do t want to draw that line). Tough hey.

[Accountant222]

Many years ago I was diagnosed with secondary infertility, had several miscarriages after a successful pregnancy, I was messed around for years by Jessop's hospital in Sheffield. Autoimmune and something wrong with my blood, but it was all very vague, probably today they could have fixed it.

It broke my heart. But fast forward 30 years, I'm quite glad it happened, my adored ds has disowned me, I'm glad I didn't invest my time, love and feelings in another child.

[Lilypad15]

I have a 10 year old dd from a previous relationship. After going through all the fertility tests, we were told everything with both of us was totally normal and there was no reason we couldn’t conceive and that they would expect me to get pregnant within 2 years. Well it’s been two years and nothing lol unexplained infertility is really crappy because there’s not even an explanation, nothing you can say to yourself “well X is stopping us from doing this so we can try X to help”. We can’t afford IVF either and I decided I don’t really want to go down that route anyway. I don’t think I could handle a failed cycle. No advice really, just letting you know you’re not alone

[LilacDaisyChain]

Thanks for all your replies. Horrible to hear that you're all going through something similar but also comforting to know I'm not alone

I was told that realistically I have a small chance of getting pregnant within 12 months but if that hasn't happened I need to draw a line under it/go through the IVF process. So I still have a tiny slither of hope.

I'm now thinking if nothing happens by next Summer, I need to do something for closure, not sure what though? I was thinking of getting all of my DS baby clothes made into a blanket and the idea would be for me to give it to his first born child.

Did anybody else do something for closure that really helped?