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Just a moan :(

(15 Posts)
Bexicle22 Sun 30-Sep-18 21:07:49

Just need a moan. Period started today. Been ttc for two years. We have unexplained infertility so no actual reason why I can’t get pregnant, I just can’t. I stupidly let myself get my hopes up this month because I had a lot of brown spotting about 6dpo which I’ve never had before so of course I automatically thought implantation bleed. But nope. Period is here AGAIN.

I used to be part of a conception group with a bunch of other ladies who had been trying for about the same amount of time as me. They’re all pregnant now, most quite far along. I’m so happy for them but sad for me. Every other person I know who was struggling to get pregnant have now all got pregnant or had babies and they all ended up ttc for less time than we have been. Again, I’m happy for them but I feel like I’m just completely left behind.

I’m just frustrated I guess, my fertility doctor said that because there wasn’t any reason I can’t get pregnant, that he would expect me to be pregnant within 2 years. I’m still not and haven’t even had a hint of a bfp in all this time.

I guess I’m just sad. Hugs to all of you going through similar x

JeNeBaguetteRien Sun 30-Sep-18 21:34:22

Sorry Bexicle it is really hard, I know that feeling of friends getting pregnant and babies being born while you are still at the start line.

You've seen a fertility doctor, what are they offering you in terms of next steps?

Were all blood tests done at the correct time? Have you had a HSG to check your tubes?
Has your partner had sperm DNA fragmentation test?
Sorry if you've done all this but many people accept their doctors' word at face value when some of the results might not be ideal for TTC.

Unexplained I think is just that they haven't figured it out yet.
I've tried IVF twice this year but there are less invasive options that might be suitable for you, such as Clomid.

For your emotional wellbeing stay away from the conception boards on here.
Do you and your partner have any idea of what you want to try now?

💐

sal1987 Sun 30-Sep-18 21:42:58

I completely understand, I have been TTC for a year now and no sign of a positive. This month has been particularly difficult as I have had nausea all week on and off and so much pain in my stomach and back but got a bfn yesterday!!
My friend announced she was expecting her second child on Thursday, I'm not ashamed to say I cried a little bit in my classroom whilst I was on my own. I am planning on going to the doctors but dreading what it will bring up.
I really hope you get a bfp very soon but know you're not alone with your feelings. 👍👍

Zest11 Sun 30-Sep-18 21:57:46

Hi Bex. We have been trying the same amount of time as you, unexplained, and know just how you feel. My friend mentioned to me they were ready to start trying for number 2 and whilst I'm happy for her, also sad for me. Some people with unexplained have had success with fertility acupuncture. Might be worth a shot? Xx

Bexicle22 Sun 30-Sep-18 23:14:36

Thanks ladies, sorry you’re all in the same boat sad massive hugs to you all flowers

I’ve had a hysteroscopy, two 4D internal scans, a million blood tests. My partner had a bunch of blood tests and two sperm analyses. Apparently my tubes are perfect as is my lining and there’s no obvious issues with my womb. Hormones all normal too. They told me clomid wasn’t an option for unexplained infertility and my only other option now was IVF. However, I have a 10 year old DD from a previous relationship so we aren’t eligible for any funding and simply cannot afford IVF. It sucks because I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I think not knowing what the problem is adds to my frustration too. I think if I knew what the issue was, even if it was something that couldn’t be fixed, at least I’d know. But having a doctor say “there no reason why you shouldn’t be able to get pregnant” keeps that hope in the back of my mind every month and every month, we fail.

I’ve been trying lately to do things that I wouldn’t be able to do with a newborn. Going out for cocktails with friends, going on weekends away when my DD is at her dads, that kind of thing. But there is always that longing, especially when I see everyone around me getting pregnant. A friend of mine had a terrible miscarriage earlier this year and she’s now 6 months pregnant and I feel so jealous and it makes me feel awful because how can I be jealous of someone who lost a baby and is now probably spending every day on edge, worrying if it’ll happen again?

I’m fine most days but this month it’s really made me sad because I had that weird spotting a week after I ovulated and I thought it could be IB and started daydreaming in work about how I’d tell my OH, how I’d tell my family as a surprise on Christmas Day as that would be around the 3 month mark. It’s stupid, it’s been long enough now for me to know you shouldn’t ever get your hopes up and I feel silly for doing it this month. I just wish I could get pregnant like everyone else I know. Or at least know why I can’t

Movin Mon 01-Oct-18 00:40:09

Sending you a hug Bex - I know it sucks. I'm 3 years TTC no sign of bFP. Currently exploring IVF and we live in a country where you have to go private. It's a tough journey, I'm the only one without kids (across family and friends) it's torture. But you have to be grateful for what you have, not mourn what you don't. Comparison is the thief of joy. Many childless couples would be very envious of your DD. Be kind to yourself x

AliceScarlett Mon 01-Oct-18 09:49:16

Can relate, nearly 3 years and not even a sniff of a BFP. I was on quite a few threads on the conception board and I think most of those people are on their 2nd child now!
Medical science is so behind, in the future there will be very little actual unexplained.

TheArtfulScreamer Mon 01-Oct-18 12:46:42

3 years ago I was you, I was bridesmaid at a friends wedding were both her and her maid of honour were pregnant after struggling, brides mum who is a bit woo said she could see all 3 of us being pregnant at the wedding and I'd had spotting the week before which I never got so I was really hopeful but no mother nature the bitch that she is decided that full blown AF would start the morning after the wedding, I sobbed my heart out got showered slapped a smile on my face and went for breakfast. My friend has just celebrated her 3rd anniversary and I was able to tell her about my 12 week scan following IVF. We to are unexplained and for whatever reason conception doesn't seem to occur inside my body but doesn't seem to have much trouble outside of the body. Infertility secondary or otherwise sucks and I hope you to find your light at the end of the tunnel wether that be saving for IVF, a spontaneous pregnancy or making peace with being a mother of one flowers

JeNeBaguetteRien Fri 05-Oct-18 17:35:06

Bexicle maybe the time has come to consider some kind of fertility treatment...it's all very well them saying there is no reason why you can't get pregnant but what do they suggest you do. Whether you want to try Clomid or IUI or IVF, or something else, that's for you and your partner to think about. Your clinic have said it's not appropriate for unexplained, yet some do prescribe it as a kind of an 'ovulation boost'.
IUI is much less expensive than IVF (still not cheap, I have looked into interest free credit cards to fund my treatment).

It's not stupid to get your hopes up, especially when your body does something a bit different one month and you think this might be it.

I do want to say though, as nicely as possible, that it turns out we aren't really in the same boat after all because I don't know if I'll have a child at all.

Your phrasing Every other person I know who was struggling to get pregnant have now all got pregnant or had babies and they all ended up ttc for less time than we have been. Again, I’m happy for them but I feel like I’m just completely left behind. made me think we were in the same boat of not having a child, I recognised the feeling of being left behind and I wanted to reach out to you and offer my support.

I take the point from Artful that secondary infertility sucks, and you have a lot of sympathy from me, and I hope it works out for you.

But your update has been on my mind and I wanted to respond. I hope you take this in the spirit it is intended. flowers

meggriffinn Sat 06-Oct-18 01:05:37

Jesus baguette what a backhanded sympathetic post. There was no need for that 🙄 and technically you are both in a similar boat since you’re both struggling to conceive. So what if she already has a kid? This isn’t grief top trumps

Smidge001 Sat 06-Oct-18 01:26:23

Meggriffin I think you're being harsh. Baguettes post was very fair and sympathetic, but very understandable. The first OP was reaching out for people in a similar situation. People struggling to come to terms with the fact they may never become a parent are in a very different boat to people struggling to conceive a second child. It is a completely different thing.
From the second post by OP it is clear that the people she needs to reach out to do not include those of us who cannot have a child at all as we simply aren't in the same boat at all. Not even on the same ocean! We can have simpathy for her but also feel hurt.

meggriffinn Sat 06-Oct-18 01:52:17

Primary infertility isn’t worse than secondary infertility. They’re both shit. If you think you’re not in the same boat then keep on scrolling. It doesn’t need to be said because what you’re really doing is indirectly invalidating her feelings. What you’re actually saying (without saying it) is yeah the situation sucks but you should be grateful for what you have. That isn’t on in my opinion

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-Oct-18 09:50:27

What you’re actually saying (without saying it) is yeah the situation sucks but you should be grateful for what you have.

No, that’s not what’s being said. Primary infertility is different because you’re totally excluded from things for parents. It’s obviously awful being in the op’s shoes but it isn’t the same as having to come to terms with possibly never having a child which was how the opening post made it sound.

I hope it works out for you op. There’s a long running thread on secondary infertility that could be a really good source of support.

PurpleDaisies Sat 06-Oct-18 09:51:33

So what if she already has a kid?

That’s clearly being said by someone who has a child.

meggriffinn Sat 06-Oct-18 14:09:57

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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