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Apathy?

(13 Posts)

My husband and I have been TTC for 20 months. Done all the preliminary tests through GP and waiting for a fertility specialist appointment in three weeks.

Anyway -

Up to this point I've been feeling pretty self-righteous and smug about how I'm being very clear headed, and not getting down in the dumps, living for the moment, valuing the time with my husband etc. etc. (except you know.. lots of tears every time my period arrives and the gnawing self-pity), and being really supportive for my amazing other half who is starting to get pretty sad about the whole thing.

However, since going back to work this month (I work in a school) I've found my brain completely unable to focus. I had it before the summer and thought a break would help, but I'm finding it so hard to finish all I need to do.

I'm wondering if this is 'my version' of being depressed about our struggles to get pregnant? Has anyone else found it really hard to focus on anything the longer they are TTC??

(am aware the answer is likely I'm a bit sad, but also a lot lazy and need to do a bit of "pull yourself together woman")

Bananacloud Sat 29-Sep-18 22:33:30

You are definitely not lazy! You are obviously feeling a little sad and maybe depressed, which is a natural feeling for someone in our position. Don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t lose hope flowers

Ohluckyme Sat 29-Sep-18 22:44:53

Don’t beat yourself up! Infertility is really fucking shit and it’s bound to affect you - even if you don’t realise it or want to believe it. Be kind to yourself 💐

LillyLeaf Sun 30-Sep-18 09:27:55

A few months ago I had the feeling that my head was in a fog, that's the only way I can describe it. I couldn't focus at work, ttc was all I could think about. I wasn't sleeping. I couldn't remember anything like what I had had for lunch that day. I think it was around the time when I knew I would need IVF and felt very down that I couldn't get pregnant naturally and felt broken. Now I'll be starting IVF in a few weeks and I feel like myself again. It's not on my mind constantly and my brain seems more with it. I hope it passes for you but get help if it gets too bad.

LopeyLopez Sun 30-Sep-18 09:42:04

Totally normal@mayihavesomecakeplease .

I'm a teacher so also just went back to work after a nice break...well, four weeks in but am still adjusting! Before the holidays, in June, I had my first round of IVF. I was unable to focus on anything or do my job properly. I was useless. Thank goodness it was the summer term so things were a little (but not much) more relaxed...less classes etc.

I'm having my second IVF (first was a massive failure) in a few weeks. I am bricking it as to how I will cope with it all and the lack of focus / sad empty feeling alongside a hectic "first term" schedule with non-stop teaching and a million demanding classes.

I only had three days off last time - basically the minimum - and am wondering whether to go to the gp this time and get signed off for more....?

Like you I felt I was coping pretty well overall, with my overriding worry being lack of focus at work....let's see how it goes.

We have been ttc for around 2 years and have mfi, with some egg quality issues now creeping in after the failed ivf.

Good luck to you, keep your head up. This whole process is horrible. xxx

Guio Sun 30-Sep-18 09:49:42

Yes it is very normal to feel that way.I am having my first IVF in a month and the only place where I feel distracted is work as weekends I am home researching things on the internet.However I find life with less meaning and job is pointless.I don't know what the future will bring but don't want to be all my life like this.I was counseling before so maybe I should go back again as it helps quite a lot.

jackio2205 Sun 30-Sep-18 09:57:00

Compleeeetely normal to feel that way, and mild depression does leave you with an inability to focus and feel tired, it's not that you are lazy, never, just that you're brain is processing a million thoughts and feelings and is unable to process other things on top, just like if you fkept eating, your body wouldn't be able to process all that food!
My friend who is a teacher had a similar situation and she spoke to her very supporting head who allowed her to cut back on extra responsibilities and get help. I would stroooongly advise doing something for you if you dont do already, but yoga is incredible, not only for he body but to have that hour a week of not thinking, gives you so much space that you need to give your brain a rest xxxx

WineWinner Sun 30-Sep-18 11:29:05

Totally normal, I've been very much the same. Kept going through all the test and stuff and threw myself in to work. Now starting our IVF in a few weeks and I can't be bothered with anything work related and am taking so much longer to do anything. I'm in ELC and am normally sat until 10pm working and giving it my all but lately.... I think we probably normally give so much extra to work that it's allowed to take a little back in the difficult times.

Thanks everyone, that's encouraging it's not just me! I'm finding that if I structure my day I'm a bit better, so hopefully this week goes well.

Thanks for sharing your stories <3

uh oh, it's happened.

I just started crying in the staff room and had to leave so no one would see because there are two pregnant staff members and someone else who just had a baby and they were all comparing scans and stuff.

"apathy" has officially moved to "sad"

sad

Guio Tue 02-Oct-18 14:16:17

I sorry about that but I completely understand you as I have done the same.people will think I am rude because I don't smile when staff bring news or show pics but it really hurts...

Ohluckyme Tue 02-Oct-18 19:37:07

Oh I totally sympathise. I have to leave the room when people wave scan photos in my face. You need to preserve your mental health so don’t feel bad, just do what’s right for you x

jackio2205 Wed 03-Oct-18 08:52:24

Oh darling, ive been there, so shit! Self preservation is key, leave them well alone, avoid it all until u feel ready to handle small snippets.
When i miscarried my bro and bro in law just had babies, so both sets of parents were over the moon skipping happy, fucking pissed me off, but i just avoided it and actively reached out when i felt strong to get me used to it, but in small bits and when i was ready, nothing forced down my throat. Also social media is horrible, because your of a certain age and gender you are targeted with adds, so come off for a bit of all apps hun! Xxxx

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