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Weekends suck

(8 Posts)
Blankspace4 Sun 23-Sep-18 17:49:14

Sometimes I feel like weekends are the worst. Everybody seems to be having ‘family fun’ but me. At least during the week I am distracted with work and being childless seems like less of an issue, though the sadness never goes away.

Really struggling with low mood at the moment.

Anyone feel the same?

LillyLeaf Sun 23-Sep-18 17:56:46

I've can't walk through the lovely park or high street in my town because it's full of bumps, babies and toddlers. It's a very yummy mummy area I feel like an outsider. I agree during the week it's all about work, but at weekends I notice it more.

Blankspace4 Sun 23-Sep-18 18:08:37

It’s crap, isn’t it @lillyleaf

Especially when so often the advice for low mood is to ‘go for a walk’, ‘get some fresh air’, when unless I want to walk down a a main duel carriageway the nice places to go like parks etc are full of children playing and people out with toddlers and prams

The combination of infertility and low mood/depression feels especially isolating.

Ohluckyme Sun 23-Sep-18 20:57:13

I totally get what you’re saying! It’s heartbreaking.

I’m on holiday at the moment and was at the beach when a young family with toddlers came and sat next to me. The heavily pregnant mother came over to me and asked me to take a family photograph for them, I happily obliged but was the usual sad and awkward inside. But I had a bit of a wake up call too. I was sat there on a lovely holiday feeling sad - wasting my life feeling sad. I decided there and then I’m not going to be sad through this whole process anymore. After three years of nothing but an ectopic I’m not being sad anymore. I’m not trying to be preachy to you or anything but perhaps one day I will have a child and I don’t want to look back at my childless years as sad and pathetic. I want to look back and think well I had a nice childfree life 😊 I know it’s easy said than done though but I’m going to try x

Jenbot78 Sat 29-Sep-18 19:46:33

Hi ladies, I hope you don’t mind me offering another perspective. I was TTC for 3 and a half years and had two rounds of IVF to have DD1 (now 16 months) and could have written any of your posts when I was going through infertility (incidentally my journey through this isn’t over yet, just had failed FET TTC no 2.) I remember being on holiday in the Basque Country (fantastic food, gorgeous weather, lovely husband) and being at the beach watching families enviously like ohluckyme is talking about. It hurt so much. The same as OP I also used to think my weekends were wasted as I didn’t have a family to take care of. I just wanted to say that those families are probably not having glorious weekends as it might seem. The woman on the beach with two toddlers will probably be exhausted and wishing she could have five minutes to herself. The families looking like they are having endless fun are probably waiting till their kids can go to bed so that they can finally have a conversation! I am not saying it’s all awful or anything, but I am saying that it is probably nothing as idyllic as you probably imagine. I used to think that too so I’m not taking it away from you. All I’m saying is that if I could go back to when I was TTC I would have tried at least sometimes to have more appreciation for my life, and the times I had with my DH and friends and family. When you have your babies you will wish that too. Some weekends, honestly, are so tedious now I could scream! Is hard to entertain a toddler and also tiring. Not moaning or ungrateful for what I have, honestly, just saying don’t think that everyone with children are having a great time because they aren’t! Don’t believe FB or any of that bollocks (incidentally I don’t post any baby related stuff on there; one of the main reasons is that I remember how bad it feels to be on the other side.) I know how hard it is so I hope you don’t think this post is insensitive. Sending good vibes ladies and hoping you are having a nice Saturday evening.

susan198130 Sun 30-Sep-18 09:24:23

We tried for well over 3 years to have our first child. I know exactly what you mean, and how hard it is when you see what appear to be happy families everywhere. I particularly used to struggle with IKEA. It seems like that's where all the pregnant women hang out. I think I struggled the most with seeing pregnant women because I desperately wanted to have the bump, feel my baby move, get excited about having that baby.

When we first started trying for a baby, I just had this feeling that it wasn't going to be easy for us. I had no reason to think that, but it was just a feeling. I just felt like it was never going to happen, yet there were all these people falling pregnant just like that. My sister in law fell pregnant by accident. That was really hard. I had a friend who hadn't even met her now husband when we started trying, have a baby. I had a friend who would complain about how much she hated being pregnant.

I think I just kind of got over it in the end. I had other things in my life that were great, but I just constantly had it in the back of my head how much I wanted a child.

After 4 long years of trying to conceive, our first child was born. And then six months after having him, I fell pregnant with my second son. I'm never apart from my children and I love them so much, but there are times when I could just do with a small break. They are 5 and 6 now, and I haven't had a single night away from them. We used to go abroad about 3 or 4 times a year pre-children. We've only done that once since they've been born, as money is a bit tighter now. So there's a lot we don't do now that we have children.

But me and my husband set a time. We'd said if I hadn't fallen pregnant by the time I was 32, and we'd given this a good shot of trying, we'd think about adoption. Obviously, we didn't end up going down that road, but it gave me something, and to give a child who has had a really rough start in life the chance of a loving home definitely kept me going.

I don't know what your issues are for why you haven't fallen pregnant, but don't give up hope. I really, really thought it was never going to happen for us and it did (twice!).

Blankspace4 Sun 30-Sep-18 14:50:53

Thank you @jenbot78 and @susan

A recent surgery means that it won’t ‘just happen’ for us, ever.

I do see the point you make about appreciating what you do have, rather being sad for what you don’t, and also that things aren’t always as picture perfect as they might seem from the outside, for others.

I think it comes down to that after much self reflection I often feel the best version of myself when I am caring for others, I find weekends incredibly dull and lonely at times.

Zest11 Sun 30-Sep-18 19:59:10

Hi Blankspace. I know exactly how you feel. Have you tried ADs? I kept going to the gp and eventually they put me on them. It obviously doesnt make the infertility go away but it is possible to be happier xx

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