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Sometimes you just have to laugh...

(6 Posts)
WhatelsecouldIbecalled Mon 17-Sep-18 18:31:09

I’m nearly 3 years into TTc #1. Started the fertility investigations just short of a year ago. So far I have had the following tests:
LH
FSH
AMH
Day 1
Day 21
Thyroid
Full blood count
All fine
Screening and none found for:
Hep A
Hep B
Hep C
HIV
Rubella
Chylamidia
Ghonnorea

My DH has had:
SA x 3 (all low morphology 1% low motility and low volume)
All blood tests fine for:
LH
FSH (god knows why! What follicles is he stimulating?!)
Hep A
Hep B
Hep C
HIV
Rubella
Full blood count.

So after all of the above you know we are pretty good at doctors appointments and needles! Sometimes I guess you just have to smile at the ridiculousness of the situation. Like the doctor today say after nearly 3 years of ttc we ‘need to make sure not to take the romance out of sex’ - yep it’s pretty fucking sexy watching my DH strip off his ‘loose fitting grandad boxers’ that apparently keep his balls cooler just after we have both necked a hand full of supplements. Oh and don’t forget the definite sexiness of squirting preeseed up your bits before you want to romantically and ‘spontaneously’ jump your partner (because you’ve took your temperature at 6am this morning despite it being a Saturday and you have noticed a temp drop, confirmed by peeing on the 10th stick of the month!) yep really fuckin romantic. Gotcha must try harder. That was her first pearler.

The second was that I’m being referred for a HSG because you know my tubes might be blocked and it’s got nothing to do with my DH dodgy as fuck sperm hmm. Fine whatever it’s nice to have a ‘full set’ of tests eh?! She then goes into to tell me how the procedure is painful and ‘a lot worse than a smear’ but apparently as a ‘woman’ I can ‘cope with it’. Ok fine good to be prepared. But the real thing that has fucked me off and made me laugh maniacally is how ‘it must be really awful’ DH to have his fucking balls handled in a consultation with a specialist and she understands how ‘uncomfortable’ it it must be for him?! WTF!! Yep cos that’s the same as having dye squirted through your bits!!! WOW!

Luckily DH is an absolute diamond and has helped me see the funny side of the last appointment. Assisted hugely by getting back home and him promptly poring is a glass of wine. fuck the two week wait!

TheArtfulScreamer Mon 17-Sep-18 18:49:28

Some of the worst sex of my life has been whilst TTC and I once uttered the phrase "I'm knackered I can't be arsed with this shit you get yourself good to go and I'll lube up" how's that for some dirty talking foreplay, luckily we managed to always try and laugh about it and after 5 years and a round of IVF I'm 14 weeks so all the crap sex, tests and numerous medical professionals taking a look at or up my bits pales into insignificance. Good luck and keep seeing the funny side sometimes it's all that helps you through.

WhatelsecouldIbecalled Mon 17-Sep-18 19:41:48

Lol @artful I think I have also uttered a phase of something similar!!

Huge congratulations hoping you have a happy and healthy pregnancy x

EarlGreyT Mon 17-Sep-18 20:32:36

Oh WhatelsecouldIbecalled, it’s shit, it really is. I found dark humour helped.

Enjoy your wine-there’s enough shit you put yourself through when undergoing fertility investigations and treatment without unnecessarily giving up things you’d otherwise enjoy.

TinyPaws Mon 17-Sep-18 21:25:07

Haha you've got to laugh! I've had more ultrasound wands up my bits than the fairy godmother's granted wishes.

And if it helps at all, I had a HSG and it really wasn't bad, PMT is more painful!

GemmeFatale Sun 23-Sep-18 12:46:46

Immediately after IVF ‘now no sex for at least a week’

Well...I overstimmed and reacted badly to every drug you gave me, I’ve developed acne from the hormones and I’m bloated so much I look pregnant even if I can’t actually get pregnant. Yep definitely likely to be shagging ASAP.

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