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Trying For over a year with no joy - I'm so low and fed up with it!

(8 Posts)
Catherineln Mon 10-Sep-18 01:12:25

Hi, me and my husband are very lucky and have a gorgeous 2 year old. Before then we unfortunately lost our other baby girl at 18 weeks and it was a very difficult time. Both times though we got pregnant very quickly!

However we have been trying for over a year for another baby. We are both desperate, initially it was a case of we would stop all contraception and just let nature do it's job and we were very relaxed about it however after about 9 months of nothing we both started to get really upset. We got married in June and ever since everyone is asking us when baby number two is coming along we just keep telling them we aren't trying for a few years until our little girl is in school when actually we have been trying for ages.

We don't want people to know when and if we get pregnant anyway as too many people come over for the glory of new born baby cuddles and then piss off and you never see them again.

We have changed our diets, we are both a good weight, we both take prenatal vitamins like adviced, I track my periods and have been using ovulation tests for the past 12 months and just nothing. My periods are very regular and normally last 4 days every month I ovulate around the same time every month as well. It's causing issues in mine and my husband's relationship though because we are so low and sad with it all. Sex just seems to be during the fertile window and we are very withdrawn from each other during the other 3 weeks. I've been to see two different doctors who said in our area they have made cut backs with certain services within the NHS and because we already have a baby and I got pregnant before then they aren't able to help us.

Please someone what can we do next? We can't afford private health care we've just bought a new house!!

physicskate Mon 10-Sep-18 09:43:13

Go back and see another gp. They should offer routine tests like day 3, sperm analysis and day 21.

Honestly it might just be luck of the draw. 80% of couples will conceive in a year. You might be part of the 1 in 10 that will take more than a year. Going down the testing road is really really tough when you know there's a cut off because you will need to pay for treatment after a certain point.

The best indication of future conception is previous conception, and you've got that nailed. I am very sorry about your loss.

Do you still breastfeed at all? That can lower fertility. What supplements have you tried? I highly recommend acupuncture and swear this is why my ivf cycle worked.

The other shithole about going down the testing road is that so many people end up in 'unexplained' infertility which is no diagnosis at all - it means they don't have a clue.

Good luck. It is shit. Counselling and anti-depressants helped me when I was in the thick of it...

Oh and I'd be telling those people asking you about more children to fuck off. The best response (not framed by me but on a thread from some months back) is 'wow that was brave to ask that. I always worry I'd be sticking my foot in it to someone who has struggled or had losses.'

Scottishgirl85 Mon 10-Sep-18 09:43:58

Hugs to you, it's very tough. And so sorry for your loss.
There's a good chance you're missing your fertile window if you're only dtd for a week and not the other three. Try every other day from day 5 right through to your next AF. Every day only during fertile week isn't ideal, sperm are optimal if you DTD every other day, numbers aren't as good if it's every day. Good luck x

Catherineln Mon 10-Sep-18 11:13:03

Thanks ladies. No I don't breastfeed my little girl never really took to it. We were advised to take folic acid and then I take the prenatal vitamins they are called pregnacare before conception. I had heard really good reviews.

Me and my husband find it hard to communicate about it all. We just don't seem to be able to open up. We both have counsellors we go to every other week and I'm on anti depressants. It's like we both desperately want it but we don't want to put pressure on the other person? We are so so close normally x

Shorty82 Mon 10-Sep-18 18:19:29

Big hugs. It's not easy is it? We are 18 months now and after the first year, I just wanted to throw every single ovulation test and pregnancy test in the bin! We've been through the tests and some were positive, some were a shock and we had a couple of 'chemical' pregnancies just to add to the misery.

It's hard to keep going, my GP asked me if I think it's worth it. I wasn't sure how to answer, until we do the three month wait with my husband to see the specialist. Maybe we can really consider whether its worth it.

I'm back to the hospital this week for another scan and a smear test, I have my fingers crossed for you. I'm hoping that now we are towards the colder months, something might happen as I've only ever got pregnant in the winter! lol.

Baby dust

Gem x

physicskate Mon 10-Sep-18 20:40:48

Ok sounds like it's time to take charge of your fertility. No one else will be your health advocate so you need to fully educate yourself and make some adjustments yourself if paying for full fertility treatment is never going to be an option. Folic acid is a requirement and pregnacare isn't what I'm talking about... the recommended reading is 'taking charge of your fertility' and 'it starts with the egg'.

Cariad2017 Tue 11-Sep-18 12:51:10

Sending big hugs your way Catherine and Shorty. I’m also on these boards due to secondary infertility. It is its own peculiar type of rubbish, as having a child already means you’re surrounded by bumps, pregnancy announcements and siblings and there’s really no escaping it.

It’s not exactly as though we had an easy ride with DS - I suffered a ruptured ectopic and a cp along the way, and in total it took us 11 months (and never longer than 5 months between pregnancies). When it came to trying for DC2, we started as soon as DS turned one and everyone told us that because of the rubbish time we’d had ttc#1 it would no doubt happen super quickly. Alas, 24 cycles later and we’re still waiting for that elusive BFP. I’ve also lost count of all those who struggled first time round (in some cases even doing IVF) who got pregnant quickly on the second attempt.

We’ve tried changing lifestyle and diet; I’ve changed jobs; we’ve taken every vitamin under the sun, and although we’re healthier for it, none of it seems to have worked.

We’ve just self funded our first round of IVF and will find out next week if it’s worked, but with only one fairly ropey back-up in the freezer we may well be on to round 2 of IVF soon.

All I will say is that from my experience, fertility is a huge lottery. Our clinic was fairly confident when we rocked up last Autumn after 9 months of ttc that we’d manage it alone as on paper we really should, but evidently not.

There are quite a number of us on these boards in a similar boat, so please don’t feel alone. Xxx

ckc45d10 Tue 11-Sep-18 15:09:14

That's great to hear you have already worked on diet and lifestyle changes. Perhaps try working with another healthcare provider who can give you further recommendations, or even a Registered Dietitian who can help to balance your nutrients and fine tune your diet.

One other thing to look into is the absorption of your supplements (Check with your doctor first about any changes in your supplement regimen). Some B vitamins absorb better than others (methylated forms of B vitamins often absorb better). And, a CoQ10 form that is water and fat-soluble absorbs better. Vitamin D and iron should be looked at in lab tests and dosages recommended by your doctor.

Good luck!

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