dealing with a loss

(19 Posts)
Cariad2017 Thu 27-Sep-18 08:57:03

Thank you Twinkle.

Viletta - With all due respect, I found your post pretty insulting. Seeing miscarriage as part of the process, in my view enormously downplays the profound mental and physical impact miscarriages can have. Statistically speaking, once you’ve had a BFP (assuming you’re not in your mid 40s), the pregnancy is more likely than not to work out, so when it doesn’t you’re in the minority and it’s a really really f£&%ing sh£&ty thing to happen.

Indeed, if I look at most of those close to me, the number of pregnancies they’ve all had represents their number of take home babies.

Assuming this pregnancy goes the same way, this will be my third early loss, and they’ve all had a huge impact on my confidence and wellbeing.

twinkledag Wed 26-Sep-18 20:10:43

I'm so sorry @Cariad2017. thanks

Viletta Wed 26-Sep-18 19:28:52

Sorry you have to go through this. We had a failed cycle earlier too. Think about it as climbing into the wall, your goal is giving birth to a healthy baby.
Step one - your body should respond to medication
Step two - there should be mature eggs on collection day
Step three - did these eggs fertilize?
Step four - did embryo develop past day 3? Day 5?
Step five - did you get a bfp?
Step six - how was you 6w scan?
Step seven - how was your 12 week scan?
Etc etc

You were lucky to climb far enough first time! Got you bfp, meaning that the embryo did develop in your uterus, which is great news! Having a straight forward bfn might mean or stopped in development much earlier on. It turned bfn for various reasons, didn't stick around this time. Hang in there and your next time hopefully will be more successful! Good luck! It is very emotional, take a good rest, you'll go through it!

Cariad2017 Wed 26-Sep-18 19:14:48

That should read cp not cup...

Cariad2017 Wed 26-Sep-18 19:14:06

Sorry to all those who are struggling. I’m currently 5+1 with my first IVF pregnancy and things aren’t looking at all promising. I had a scan this morning and they could only see a very small empty sac, so I’m definitely behind where I should be. The Clearblue conception indicator also seems to be stuck on 2-3. I have another scan in a week but I’m not holding out much hope.

This is likely to be my third loss, as I suffered a ruptured ectopic and a cup whilst ttc#1 but the others were natural conceptions, so the option of trying again quickly with a reasonable prospect of success was there. Fast forward a few years, and we can’t seem to get pregnant naturally at all.

I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. This is so very very tough. I feel like I’ve just spent £10k on a miscarriage, and am not quite sure how to move forward.

twinkledag Sat 15-Sep-18 14:27:48

@Jenbot78 - my clinic said the same thing to me but it's not much comfort when every day I think 'I'd be x months/weeks pregnant by now'. It's so so hard, I feel for you.

Botanica Sat 15-Sep-18 09:16:04

@Jenbot78 I was watching the 2ww thread - so so sorry to hear your sad news. Devastating after being so close.

I'm part way through the fourth cycle of ivf but still emotionally broken from the mmc at 11 weeks after a 2 blast transfer on ivf2.

@TinyPaws your comment on recapturing that naive optimism when you set out on this journey sums up the feeling well.


Jenbot78 Wed 12-Sep-18 20:18:27

Twinkle so, so hard. I am really struggling at the moment with the grief, the loss, the £££ and the thought of any more treatment right now. I know that age is against me (I'm 40) but I am definitely planning to take some time out of this and try and enjoy what I have.

The clinic seem to think it's positive that I got pregnant but right now its not much comfort sad

twinkledag Mon 10-Sep-18 21:34:48

Similar thing happened to me - I got a positive after IVF #3 only for my betas not to rise. Miscarried a few days later. This was 5 months ago and I'm still not over it.

Like a PP said, not only was that positive test our child, but it was also the end of this horrible journey. Out of the 5 transfers that have failed, that one hit me the hardest.

Be kind to yourself thanks

TinyPaws Mon 10-Sep-18 20:56:21

I'm really sorry, it's so hard.

I got pregnant on my second round of medicated IUI, in amongst the joy was the relief of not having to go through the stress of any more treatment cycles. I had a miscarriage and ended up being hospitalised, it took more than 2 months from learning there was a problem with the pregnancy to getting a negative pregnancy test. I lost the baby more than 4 months ago and it's still hard but it has got better.

Gearing up for another treatment cycle (after 3# medicated IUIs we're moving in to IVF) but I'll never recapture that naive optimism I had in the beginning.

It's still very early days and I think it's normal to feel very low, take some time out for you, rest and be kind to yourself. x

Jenbot78 Mon 10-Sep-18 18:05:22

Thanks everyone for well wishes. It feels so raw to start with but it does start to ease a bit (have been here before.) I think I just am very weary of this whole journey...

CornishMaid1 Mon 10-Sep-18 16:27:45

I'm so sorry OP, Jen and Melissa for your losses. I will keep my fingers crossed for you Lablover that the next scan will show a heartbeat x

melissa1215 Mon 10-Sep-18 13:55:40

I've too just got a negative after a FET, I haven't had my period yet and I'm dreading it. My clinic told me just to wait for it to come

Jenbot78 Mon 10-Sep-18 12:51:44

I have just had a negative test after a FET, initially getting a positive on OTD. It is so unbelievably cruel and frankly I am struggling to work out how to move forward (although we do always find a way, don’t we?!)

Lablover123 Fri 07-Sep-18 09:37:33

Im really sorry to read this. I’m in a similar situation. Be got our BFP 19th August. Had no bleeding and went for our first scan yesterday (7w1d) to be told there was nothing there, they would hope to see a yolk sac and heart beat by now and to go back in a week.
I did a test 2 days prior to settle my nerves which still showed positive.

I’ve said the same thing I’d rather of for a negative result after the 2ww than be given a positive and have it taken away so soon.

I hope your well and looking after your self x

physicskate Wed 05-Sep-18 09:00:05

There are no facts and figures to help cope with this.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Give yourself time. Accept help. Be kind to yourself yourself. It hurts, but you aren't alone.

CLB540 Tue 04-Sep-18 18:27:10

thank you. good luck with your journey xxxx

OP’s posts: |
FingersXssd83 Tue 04-Sep-18 18:13:00

Saw this and had to stop. We haven't started our treatment yet but this is my biggest fear. I can't imagine how you feel but try to be kind to yourself as this is the start of your journey, not the end.


CLB540 Tue 04-Sep-18 14:00:19

had our 1st round of ivf and had pregnancy test on 24th August which was positive. had cramps and bleeding for the last 4 days and called the clinic who told me to do a test which is negative. I'm having a proper bleed and feel so sad.
how do you get past this empty feeling and how do you go through it all again. why is life so cruel.😭
i always said my first go would be a practice but to have a positive and then this is devastating and seems so much worse than if it was negative from the start.

OP’s posts: |

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