Almost 37, too fat for fertility treatment desperate and running out of time.

(89 Posts)
Theconifers25 Sun 08-Jul-18 09:51:37

Things are particularly hard today.
I’ve locked myself in the bathroom to silently fall apart, I don’t know why it’s all so painful today.

Sometimes I feel I don’t want to go on and can’t imagine life without a child.

I’ve left it all too late.
I’ve come down in weight from 20st 4 in January to 16 st 4 now.

I need a BMI of 35 max as in my area women over 37 years old can be accepted for fertility treatment at higher bmi.

I sort of know it won’t work for me though.
Been trying to conceive naturally for 5 years.

I’m s fat failure. Everyone asking me what’s going on, I’m too ashamed to spell it out to them and even my partner that my weight has huge amount to do with my failure.

I think only one cycle of ivf will be offered if I ever meet criteria. My body has failed me and I’ve failed my body, ivf would probably not work, also given I’m nearly 37yrs old means my best window has been missed.
I feel my only option won’t work.
Is there any options after this.
I try to read the threads but don’t understand the accromins.
I’m rambling and feel sick for the future, I just want a baby . I don’t even know what I’m asking.
Gp tests were fine for both me and partner.
My mum had early menopause at 36 but don’t know if it was brought on premature by some gyne surgery.

OP’s posts: |
CornishMaid1 Mon 29-Jul-19 20:25:42

Well done on the weight loss so far. Be proud of how far you've come.

Since they haven't found any major issues in the tests there is no reason to think it won't work. I was exactly the same height and weight as you for my last cycle and I'm 35 and it worked, so don't be so hard on yourself.

Praiseyou Sun 28-Jul-19 07:47:34

@Theconifers25 huge congratulations!

I am Meredith501 and have thought of you often since your first post. I'm delighted to see your update. Wishing you and your family all the best.

physicskate Sat 27-Jul-19 16:16:26

Oh good!! Please try to be kind to yourself - it's such a shit thing to go through! And remember, being kind to yourself means taking care of yourself or allowing others to do it for you when you don't feel like you can! It means doing things that make you feel good in mind, body, spirit. It's your choice whether or not to take or ignore any and all advice!

I find facts and statistics comforting, but not everyone does...

Ofpalestsilver Sat 27-Jul-19 14:53:28

Yeah I get that @physicskate I wasn’t looking for advice (& specifically said so), just a vent! I get all the background to it but I understand that people like to give advice so it’s all cool. This post was just what I needed though.

physicskate Sat 27-Jul-19 11:52:03

Were they though?? Most people (myself included) think it's a bit poor that they wouldn't even run the simple bloods, or do a sperm analysis. But we also explained the reason why weight is (unfortunately) a consideration... only one post was a bit harsh (get counselling). The others were fairly informative or constructive...

But I get that you were given advice on that thread. Sometimes we don't want advice. Sometimes we just want (and need) to vent frustrations. And I totally think you have the right to do that!

One day at a time.

Ofpalestsilver Fri 26-Jul-19 22:23:01

Thanks for the update. I need this post today! Just got told by my doctor that they won’t do anything til I lose weight and I’m feeling the stress of it. Even before I knew the resolution to the story, all the encouragement from everyone else was great so thank you!

(And also I wish I’d used this forum to get my feelings off my chest rather than the conception one where people were less sympathetic!) smile


hoping2018 Sat 20-Jul-19 21:23:13

Thank you for sharing - so lovely to hear positive outcomes. Enjoy every minute of motherhood - it goes so so quickly!

Northernlurker Sat 13-Jul-19 21:53:30

That's wonderful news

Theconifers25 Sat 13-Jul-19 20:08:29

Thanks both

OP’s posts: |
freelancescientist Sat 13-Jul-19 19:41:07

Wow such a great update! Congratulations!!

twinkledag Sat 13-Jul-19 19:08:41

That's so amazing to read your update! Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy ❤️

Theconifers25 Fri 12-Jul-19 20:56:11

@Ilikeviognier thanks, I hope it's the right thing to post here. I don't have any answers to infertility but hope it gives some hope to ladies in similar situation to me.

OP’s posts: |
Ilikeviognier Fri 12-Jul-19 20:45:34

That’s so nice. Glad it all worked out - congratulations! Good for you for updating your post too. Others will take hope from it.

Theconifers25 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:20:38


Thought I would come back to update to say exactly a year on from my desperate, miserable post that I now have a beautiful healthy newborn baby sleeping on my lap,
1 week old today.

As you could gather from my original post I could not have conceived (no pun intended ) of being in this position a year ago.
I thought there was no hope and as bad as this sounds whilst I wouldn’t have had the courage to kill my self I just simply did not want to be here anymore, I felt desperate and empty.

But our beautiful baby is now here, pregnancy was difficult as I couldn’t accept I was pregnant and couldn’t really be happy until he arrived.

I guess I’m posting to say sometimes there is hope and hope delivers?
I hope it’s ok posting this in this thread. I think it would have been helpful to me last year to have read this.
Though I can request the post is deleted if needs be.

For info the things that coincided with the time I got a BFP were:
about to start fertility treatment so maybe less stressed, though hadn’t started the drugs yet
Had some investigative gyne surgery, nothing significant found but my tubes were flushed during the procedure
Keto diet with loads of very high quality fats and lots of walking.

OP’s posts: |
Patienceisvirtuous Thu 12-Jul-18 23:26:00

I lost over 2 stones and got pregnant naturally at 38 OP after 3 miscarriages since I was 36. Had my DS at 39. We’re hoping to have another child - I am 40 now.

Keep on with your weight loss. There’s still time for you to conceive.

Alternative options would be ivf with a donor egg/adoption and fostering/surrogacy...

summertimehere Thu 12-Jul-18 19:57:07

Don’t be embarrassed we all have those days and sure fek it it’s anonymous anyways 😂😂

Theconifers25 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:54:39

Thanks both smile

OP’s posts: |
Theconifers25 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:53:28

Thanks summertime.
I’m quite a chill person with what I would say is a healthy level of anxiety.
My original post was a desperate outburst, a verbal panic attack in a way. I feel more optimistic now.
Am defo carrying on with weightloss and I’m 2 pounds lighter than my op on Sunday.
If I hadn’t been in such a bad desperate place I wouldn’t have posted but whilst a bit embarrassed I’m glad I did as have received some wonderful advice

OP’s posts: |
Jenijena Thu 12-Jul-18 19:52:15

Just another one chiming in at the congratulations at the weight loss. You’re doing amazingly. Talk things through with your doctor. My BMI has hovered in the 30-36 range; conception has definitely improved at the lower range. Thinking of you... 37 is not too old.

frasier Thu 12-Jul-18 19:51:54

Not a weight story but an age one. I met someone who had her baby ten years older than you. (Her eggs were younger!)

Keep on keeping on. Well done on the weight loss.

summertimehere Thu 12-Jul-18 19:49:05

There is still hope don’t give up.

Your weight loss has been amazing in such a short time, you can do this I have faith in you.

Pick yourself up tomorrow girl and get going again, you can do this.

There is still hope for a baby, you’re not beat yet, keep going.

I feel your pain, I know it feels impossible but it’s not over yet.

My friend did keto lost 3 stone and got pregnant after 11 years of trying.

Also give reflexology a go it will calm you and if you get a good one might be helpful regarding fertility.

You can do this

Theconifers25 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:45:13

Anyway I’m booking go appointment tomorrow, my doctors has one of this systems we’re they release appointments 3 days in advance and my doctor has been on leave.
I think I have a calculated correct and my bmi is just on 35, and as mentioned up thread am in area where at age 37 you can be referred with bmi is 37 or over.
Will see what go says. I’m a few weeks shy of 37 but hoping she will refer me already with waiting lists in mind.
I will update

OP’s posts: |
Yumyumpigs Thu 12-Jul-18 19:43:28

Follicle stimulating hormone and AMH is gives you an idea as to your egg reserves. Fsh if low could show why you aren't ovulating properly and declines towards menopause

Theconifers25 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:39:55

What is FSH and AHM please .

OP’s posts: |
HappyHedgehog247 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:38:15


I haven’t read the whole thread but:
- yes you can go and get two things tested privately FSH and AMH that help identify your ovarian reserve. I managed to get both these on NHS so may be worth trying a different GP
- I had my first baby aged 37 so until you know more you don’t know if you are too old or not
- you could keep going with the weight loss for another 6 months but use that time to get tested, research ivf etc and get a plan together

It’s too soon to give up. Xx

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