Receiving NHS fertility treatment but split up with partner

[Lexibell]

Hi all, very new to this forum but I have a topic to discuss and would love opinions :)

So basically I currently have PCOS and myself and partner of 4 years we’re trying to conceive but with no avail.. two years later I managed to get on the list for fertility clinic and Iv currently been undergoing treatment for around 8 months.. numberous scans, 4 courses of clomid (all of which have been too high) however I am not yet at the stage where I have been given the green light to proceed in actively trying for a baby following treatment each stage I have been told to abstain because I have around 8 mature follicles.

However. Me and my partner have since split up and I still attend my NHS appointments regardless .. has anyone else experienced this? I actually have a new guy who also wants children too (currently has none himself) although The baby topic hasn’t necessarily came up that he wants to be that guy... I’m worried if I tell the clinic they’ll dismiss me for the fact the guy in my treatment notes isn’t the potential father should I get pregnant.

I am not sure what to do? Xx

[delilahbucket]

You shouldn't really be having the treatment of you are not trying to get pregnant. That treatment could go to someone else who is trying to get pregnant.
I would stop and take time to focus on your new relationship. Infertility is so consuming, so it may do you good to have a break from it. If you do decide to have a child with your new partner, it may be that you don't need treatment anyway.

[Gottokondo]

Are you actively trying to get pregnant with your new partner without him knowing it?

[Lexibell]

In no way am I trying to trap this guy.. he is fully aware of the current situation and the circumstances that surround.

It is never going to be possible for me to conceive naturally without treatment as I am the issue here, Iv never ovulated.

If I’m completely honest I would have a baby and continue treatment as is... but as far as receiving help with that I would really hate for it to be pulled from me because the guy who I’m with isn’t the person specified in my notes. I’m not sure that would make a difference I guess that’s my question

[juneau]

But if you're not actually trying to get pregnant at the moment I fail to see why you're having fertility treatment, unless it's just to try and get you ovulating regularly so that when the time comes you'll have a regular cycle?

[Gottokondo]

Only the clinic can answer that.

But who is going to get you pregnant when you get an ovulation? Is that new guy? Because if you're both ok with it you can ask the clinic maybe. I have to say that I'm in a different country and my clinic will only treat couples in a serious relationship. So if your clinic is the same you might have to wait.

What is your age? I realise that waiting might be difficult once you hit your forties. Would the clinic go along with a sperm donor (could still be new guy) if necessary?

[Gottokondo]

Juneau, unfortunately it doesn't work like that. She will not ovulate unless heavily medicated per cycle. The treatment can't go on indefinately.

[Grandmaswagsbag]

You sound like you’re thinking of this guy as a sperm donor. Surely no one in their right mind would be looking to conceive with a brand new partner who they haven’t even discussed having kids with?

[hoping2018]

In my CCG you have to be in a stable relationship for two years prior to fertility treatment. So although I sympathise with your situation you shouldn't be receiving treatment on the nhs.

[Zigzag99]

At my clinic you have to be in a stable relationship to receive fertility treatment. Also, when we first registered with them they took mine and my dh photos.
If your clinic did the same they will find out sooner or later that you are not with the same partner especially if you eventually need ivf and both have to visit the clinic to sign consent forms.

[DuchyDuke]

At my clinic the woman is the NHS patient not the man, so you can bring any partner you like. You can even change partners easily just by completing new forms. If your new guy wants to have kids now then go for it.

[LampShadeHeid]

I was going through fertility treatment in 2016 with my husband when he very unexpectedly decided that I didn’t make him happy and he ended it. If I remember rightly, a condition of getting the treatment was that we were in a stable relationship (2+ years) and had been trying for at least a year.

I felt my whole world ended then. But I then met my new partner, and I’m now 8 months pregnant with a very welcome, but complete surprise baby. I expected that I would always need fertility treatment to successfully conceive.

I’d say stop the treatment and wait until you are in a stable position to be a parent if you can. If your age is a factor and you have no qualms about being a single mother, then discuss it with your clinic, they may be happy to change treatment options and you may think donor sperm would be a better option rather than putting pressure on your new relationship.

[Trinpy]

You might want to look up the ccg guidance for your area. Where I live it is at least 2 years in a stable relationship.

What is there plan with your Clomid? If you do have a successful Clomid cycle you could probably get away with conceiving with your new partner, although if you moved onto ivf you would obviously have to come clean with the clinic that you now have a new partner.

[NorthernLurker]

You should have stopped the appointments. Your circumstances have changed.

[Thejen78]

I really do understand how your feeling, my sister has come so close to IVF and the relationship has broken down...this has happened twice now with her previous partner.
It is so distressing for my sister. She is 39 and just recently found out her partner has been cheating. She has had scans etc and would have been starting treatment within the next few months. My sister is absolutely heartbroken as you can imagine. She has been longing for a baby for such a long time and feels like this was her last chance. It could take a good few years before she meets someone new and start the process all over again, she will be well into for 40s by then.
My sister has her own eggs but can not conceive naturally.
The fact that she has come so far it seems so cruel to be then taken away from her.
I thought that maybe they would consider continuing with the treatment (given the circumstances) but pay for a sperm doner instead.