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Anyone else just starting their journey ?

(716 Posts)
TTC73 Wed 23-May-18 06:23:23

DH is going for his sperm sample to be tested today and hes so nervous and the GP wants me to have some blood tests done and swabs at a later date. So nervous of what to expect and terrified of the possibility of IVF I've heard its so painful ?
We've been trying to have a baby for over 3yrs with 2 chemical pregnancies so far sad

jemimafuddleduck Wed 23-May-18 22:23:57

Hi @TTC73! I'm kind of in the same boat. I haven't been ttc for long - only 6 months. But I went to the docs as had short and very light periods. They did some blood tests and found I have high fsh - so low ovarian reserves. They have found that I am ovulating so that's something at least. I've been booked in for a trans-abdominal and trans-vaginal scan on 4th June and DH needs to have SA done.
I guess I'm lucky that the doctors have been really proactive so quickly.
Sorry to hear that you're going through this too thanks

Mrsjones17 Thu 24-May-18 06:33:01

Yep I’m just starting the process. Slightly further along. DH has had two SA done and the results are on the low side. I’ve had bloods done last year and find but have just had them repeated and waiting for results. DH has swobs Sind all fine and still waiting for results for mine. We have been referred to fertility specialists but that’s it so far. TTC for 18 months and AF has come again this morning so I guess that makes this next one cycle 19!

Hopefully we can support each other aling the way!

TTC73 Thu 24-May-18 11:31:02

Have to wait 10 days for the sperm test results to come back and im still waiting for AF to show so i can book my appointment for 10 days after that for my swabs doing and then 21 days after they are doing a blood test to check I'm ovulating. So many dates to remember

LopeyLopez Thu 24-May-18 18:17:20


We've been ttc for ages (over two years ntnp; onto cycle 17 proper ttc with all the trimmings (!) - opks, timing sex, bbt monitoring and all the supplements etc....) but only just been referred for ivf.

Currently waiting for a letter from the consultant to kick it all off.

We've had all the tests done and mine were all fine but DPs SA showed terrible morphology at 1%, so we are male factor. However I'm also 38 so want to get things moving ASAP as time is ticking....egg reserve is ok for now but probably not for long.

I was on the conception boards for ages but so many people came and went with BFPs, and I was still there, month after month! A bit depressing; however I do miss my mumsnet threads so hoping to find a suitable home here in the infertility section...

Best of luck to everyone here and I hope we can support one another in these troubled times.....


Mrsjones17 Thu 24-May-18 23:19:41

@lopey we have male factor too DH sample was so low we couldn’t even get a morphology ready 😫. Have you had the second SA? DH had two done quite close tighter so they are repeating it again in July so will be 3 months after last one to hope for a slight improvement?! He is trying what we can loose boxers supplements low alcohol (he already had a good diet and exercises well).

Are you doing anything to help improve sperm quality? Would love to hear anything else to try.

I too was a Long time lurker in conception board hut as you say it’s a bit much bfp after bfp and still nothing for me 18 months in

TTC73 Fri 25-May-18 09:00:29

I have a feeling DH is going to be totally fine but its me thats the problem sad they seem to be planning more tests for me than they are DH. We're waiting till the 4th now for another test doing then my bloods after that on the 21st i need my 21 day blood test to check I've ovulated which i won't have done if the OPKs so far are anything to go by. Hoping they can just give us clomid to kickstart my ovaries so we don't need IVF im terrified of going down that route

Mrsjones17 Fri 25-May-18 12:57:02

@TTC73 I had a lot of tests done before DH had SA done so wouldn’t take it as red that it is you.

I had bloods and ultrasound done before SA. I think it’s just a starting point really to check that everything is ok before moving onto the next person really.

jemimafuddleduck Sat 26-May-18 08:23:39

I know what you all mean about the conception boards. I started a thread in February called "TTC#1" and it's now up to over 800 posts... it's ironic that I started it but didn't think I'd be on it for long and have seen many people come and go with their BFPs. On the thread I'm always like "yay, congratulations!!!" But in real life I'm just like 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

FingersXssd83 Fri 01-Jun-18 17:24:09

Yep me! Been referred to clinic after 13 cycles (I'm nearly 35)...

Initial GP 21 day bloods came back fine and DH SA was 1% morphology but still within acceptable range as there are a lot of them!

DH has just been for his SA at the clinic and I go for bloods and scan later this month.

AF arrived for me yesterday and I've been mega low since.

I appreciate we haven't been trying that long or had the disappointments that some people have had, but I'm really struggling with anxiety about it all atm.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a calmer day xxx

Mrsjones17 Fri 01-Jun-18 18:48:47

@fingersxssd83 I really struggle with the anxiety with it too. It’s just shit and unfair sometimes x

LopeyLopez Sat 02-Jun-18 09:25:17

@TTC73, I reiterate what MrsJones said: don't assume the problem is you. I thought that too, because of my age (DP is younger at 35, and probably healthier...), but I was wrong. He had his semen analysis long after I had many tests. Now I wish I had pushed for his tests sooner, as the whole process has taken so long overall to come to this point (starting IVF).

@MrsJones, yes, we had the second SA sample done and it yielded similar results unfortunately. Morphology still low, although this one did say 2% rather than 1%. Count is also pretty low at 16 mill per ml, which would have been classed as sub fertile a few years ago (and still is by some standards), but now just squeezes into the normal range (I looked this up: it is 15 mill to 200 mill, so a huge range.... and we are right down there at the bottom...)

I have my transvaginal scan on Tuesday and we have the first IVF app ("nurse appointment") the Sunday after. Everything suddenly seems to be moving very fast and it is scary... this is all I've wanted for so long, but when it suddenly happens it takes you by surprise! There appears to be no waiting list at all for the treatment (but then, we are self-funded so I don't know if that makes a differences...) I am fearful of the IVF process too, but the more I read about it the better I feel. Just educate yourselves, with everything the fertility unit give you and anything you find yourselves too.

I have to keep remembering that the IVF is still statistically more likely to fail than to be a success, and so I shouldn't get my hopes up to high. That is hard, when I think that I'll be having an embryo actually placed inside my womb in a few weeks or months...! Some people say to treat the first cycle like a practice run...

Mostly at the moment I am having difficulty with the fact that we are male factor. I fell it's totally out of my control. Every time DP has a coffee or a beer I wince inside.... I know this is wrong, but I feel like I am doing everything I humanly can to make this work, and when I thought it was me that had the problem I went all out with all the supplements, lifestyle changes, acupuncture.... and he does nothing. It is obviously different for men. I can't say any of this to him as I sound like an absolute bitch; maybe I am....?

Infertility is not a blame game and of course it is not his fault, and I love him to the ends of the Earth and wouldn't want to be with anyone else, ever. However I still have this niggling feeling that, "I'm fertile, but you're now by default, I am infertile too..." and that just doesn't seem fair.

Sorry for the long message / moan. I will keep in touch with details of how the apps went in case anyone is interested for when you may have to go through the same...


Mrsjones17 Sat 02-Jun-18 10:28:46

@lopeylopez I could have written your post about DH. My DH has had similar results. Although he has started taking vitamins and loose fitting shorts. I know what u mean about the drinking. He doesn’t drink that much but like you said I am doing everything I can (Accupuncture supplements diets etc) and it’s still out of my control. And even if we do go down the IVF route it’s a lot of invasion things for me and I’m not the one with the issue. Again I know it’s so bitchy and I would never said that in real life. Like you said it’s not a blame game but it’s so tough on the emotions!

Wishing you lots of luck and really hope you are first time lucky!!

Frustratedfrenchie Sat 02-Jun-18 11:52:07

Hello ladies,

We have been TTC for 13 cycles after my DH's vasectomy reversal. A SA in february told us he had a low sperm count and we would only have a 10% chance of conceiving naturally. We live in France now and I went to see my GP/Gynecologist on tuesday, she sent a referral, 2 hours later they called me with an appointment for a fertility clinic that specialises in IVF. In France if you are under 43 they will fund 3 cycles of IVF regardless of if you already have children. My appointment is July and i've been advised to expect to start the treatment the following month.

Sorry for not responding individually, sending everyone strength for the journeys ahead of us! xx

TTC73 Sat 02-Jun-18 14:12:15

DHs cousin has just announced she's pregnant cue me bursting into floods of tears sad DH is pretty pissed off too as she is no way prepared to have a child. Its all so so shit.

Frustratedfrenchie Sat 02-Jun-18 14:29:39

@TTC73 sad I see pregnant people everywhere and its breaks my heart. I was irrationally really angry at hearing the Radford family are expecting baby number 21, as if it almost depleted the allocation of babies for everyone else, but also at their lack of responsibility for their other 20 children who won't be getting the attention they need.

I'd be happy with just the one thank you.

Hugs my love, i'm positive it will be our day one day.

Mrsjones17 Sat 02-Jun-18 15:34:04

@TTC73 sympathies. Totally rubbish when that happens. I said to DH other day I’m going to quite my job and start smoking and drinking and I’ll surely get pregnant! Some people find it so easy. We’ve done everything we possibly can to make the right choice about bringing a baby into the world, good jobs, finaially stable, nice house, solid relationship, healthy lifestyle and yet can’t get pregnant for love nor money!!

TTC73 Sat 02-Jun-18 19:49:11

Its so rubbish that we are trying so hard and people who don't even want and can't even look after a baby just seem to fall pregnant after one time.

jemimafuddleduck Sat 02-Jun-18 20:52:38

I agree. While we're talking about stuff that upsets us/makes us angry, can I also mention the "Is this a line?" posts on the conception boards? Fair enough with the real squinters, but when someone has a clear line and they're like "oooh is this a bfp? I can't tell!" I'm like OH FUCK OFF!

TTC73 Sat 02-Jun-18 21:12:49

Yes those piss me off too or people that join the TTC boards and post a BFP within a how??

jemimafuddleduck Sat 02-Jun-18 21:23:39

Yes!! Also I watched a YouTube video on ttc earlier... she got her bfp cycle 1!!! Not really sure she was qualified to give advice 😒

LopeyLopez Sat 02-Jun-18 22:09:08

@Mrs Jones, thank God you posted that, makes me feel soooo much better that someone else is in s similar position, albeit a crappy one for both of us...

Yes, my DP doesn't drink too much either, is generally healthy and eats well and exercises. However, although he rarely gets massively drunk / pissed, he does drink say one beer probably four-five nights a week, and then more on nights out and at the weekends. So it all adds up.... This would be fine if he didn't have a problem, but his sperm (or lack of them) indicate that he does... He also drinks strong coffee every morning and sometimes at other times of day; drinks a few cups of black tea a day; loves coca cola; and eats a chocolate bar a day. So too much caffeine - again, fine for someone with normal sperm. Not fine for someone with next to none.

He has agreed to take supplements which I have bought, at around £34 a month. He did buy some loose boxers himself but is not wearing them every day! In my bitchier moments I am very pissed off that I am funding this whole thing (I agreed to fund the IVF), which we wouldn't even need if he had normal you say, I would never say this out loud, because I would be a total cow to do that, but it's good to get it off my check here....

As you say, we are the ones that have to go through all the invasive procedures, despite not being the ones with the problem. They have to wank into a pot a few times....easy by comparison!

I agree with all the anger towards those who seem to get pregnant so is so unfair. I may sound bitter.... that's because I am!! So angry with those "drive by bfps" on the conception boards.

Ah, good vent, that feels better...! ;-)

RubyBoots7 Sat 02-Jun-18 22:54:58

Why are you scared of ivf, what have you been told? I didn't find it painful at all. Tiring, frustrating and an emotional rollercoaster definitely (as is the infertility journey)
There's a good chance they may not find any explanation for your infertility on either side as is so often the case. Sometimes medicine doesn't have the tests to determine the reason.
Seeing other people getting pregnant is really hard but from experience it you up if you get too focused on them and what they are doing. For your own wellbeing, maybe try to distance yourself from it a bit if you can. Good luck.

jemimafuddleduck Sat 02-Jun-18 22:56:21

@LopeyLopez I think those feelings are completely natural. I don't know about DH yet as he's yet to be tested (planned in for v soon) but I would feel the same. My DH does a lot of cycling and wouldn't want to give that up... 😐

TTC73 Sun 03-Jun-18 01:40:18

I read this buzzfeed article a few weeks ago and one of the posts referenced injecting yourself with hormones into your stomach daily with a massive needle and saying it burned going in (the liquid) shock
Im a massive needle/pain phobe so is DH so i don't think we'd cope with the self injecting parts at all. Also I've read they stick a long flexible needle through your stomach to harvest your eggs which again sounds like actual torture for me. Obviously these could just be scare mongering internet rubbish and I'd talk through the options with our Obgyn but it still makes me feel sick thinking about it

enialenagem Sun 03-Jun-18 07:20:24

Hi all, just starting infertility investigations after 2.5 years of trying. I have endometriosis so I’m guessing that is going to be a contributing factor.
Starting to find it hard as the reality is setting in. The one thing I’ve always known I wanted was to have a family. It feels so cruel to have this strong biological urge that I’m not able to fulfill.
To make it worse I’m a midwife so have a daily reminder that it’s not me that’s going home with my new baby.
I’ve had all my blood tests and have a pelvic ultrasound booked. Meeting the consultant in a few weeks.
Although I’m glad we are getting it looked into I feel really sad that we have to go down this path.

FingersXssd83 Sun 03-Jun-18 10:04:55

Ahh @TTC73 you sound just like me! I have a bit of health anxiety and really not sure I would cope very well with IVF either.

Since AF arrived on Thurs and we're officially in the infertility zone, I've been a right hot mess.

Haven't done anything other than watched / read loads about infertility. Not really helping myself tbh but it's the way I've felt.

My mood is a bit brighter today so going to arrange acupuncture (needles arrrgh!), and looking at starting yoga.

Hope everyone else is feeling okay xx

Mrsjones17 Sun 03-Jun-18 14:14:02

@lopeylopez yep it’s difficult not to get cross at them. We’ve just had slight words something along the lines of..
Him: can you pick me up after x tonight?
Me: yeah but why can’t you drive are u having a drink
Him: yeah was going to have one or two
Me: thought I were trying to cut back a bit on the drink?
Him: one or two should be alright
Me: not being funny but you had three last night and a few more than three on Friday!
Him: yeah the guidance is 3/4 units A DAY
Me: no 3/4 units a WEEK
Him: well it’ll be ok
Me: not really if all your swimmers are pissed it’s not exactly helping try can’t swim in the right direction as t is! (Possibly a bit harsh!)

Anyway he’s taken the car and going to have one shandy!


FingersXssd83 Sun 03-Jun-18 14:39:05

Gosh @Mrsjones17 that sounds so familiar! It's really stressful when you're doing all you can and you feel that your other half isn't as committed. Deep down I know mine truly is give or take a few extra pints.

TTC73 Sun 03-Jun-18 16:25:06

We're a non alcohol household but its so hard getting DH to eat healthier he eats nothing but cakes and biscuits between meals and he won't drink water only squash thanks for that mil and he hates wearing loose boxer shorts that don't offer any support so he's sticking with his tight ones 😳 think once we get the test results back he'll snap into action though.
MIL currently in a huff with us at our lack of enthusiasm towards DHs irresponsible cousin and her pregancy i feel like screaming at her that we've been TTC for over 3yrs and possibly facing infertility treatments so no we aren't happy for her hmm

Mrsjones17 Sun 03-Jun-18 16:44:45

I do think he is committed he just doesn’t make the connection I think. We are waiting for second sperm analysis to be done so I think he thinks it will all be fine. We will see. To be fair he has done most of the stuff, loose boxers (not keen on the lack of support of snugness apparently!) eats well and exercises and takes supplements. But he eat well and exercised before so I guess two out of three ain’t bad?!

TTC73 Sun 03-Jun-18 17:48:28

My DH can't even take supplements because he has bad reactions to them. It must be a man thing to like snug fitting boxers then grin he is committed to having a baby and talks about it non stop but i think for men because they aren't actually the ones getting pregnant and giving birth they find it hard to commit to the lifestyle changes.
Im so sick of the snide comments from people mostly MIL saying we should have had kids by now we've been married ages etc etc its so intrusive and rude

Mrsjones17 Sun 03-Jun-18 18:49:04

Haha yeah think it’s a man thing they like to feel safe!

That’s totally shit about MIL. I take it she doesn’t know the issues? How long have you been married?

I find the easiest way of dealing with it is to ask really personal questions back. Or someone once said on another thread about saying gosh that’s a very personal question some people have real struggles you’re very brave asking that. Followed by a Paddington bear style stare haha! Although admittedly I would struggle to be really rude to MiL!

TTC73 Sun 03-Jun-18 18:58:58

We've been married 5yrs together 10 yrs. She is a very horrible unpredictable woman to be around we're pretty much NC with her at this point due to her comments and the way she treats DH.

Mrsjones17 Sun 03-Jun-18 20:29:39

That’s really shit! @ttc73

Ive been with my DH 10
Years too. Married for 3 though

LillyLeaf Mon 04-Jun-18 09:17:07

Mind if I join? I'm 35 and TTCing for a year now, never thought it would take so long. I have a fertility appointment later in June but I have had a few tests done via GP and private. Nothing looks massively wrong but DP's SA is 'ok', 4% morphology was the latest. I have a small fibroid which will be removed in August, no one seems too bothered about it affecting my chances with it being there. I'm really not ready for IVF and desperately want to conceive naturally but worried about leaving it too late. Feel like I'm in limbo. The waiting list for NHS IVF is 7/8 months so if we want that asap we'll need to go private. Just don't know whether to keep trying or give up and pay for IVF. Sorry about the rant, all this is going around in my head everyday.

We're lucky that both sets of parents have not really asked about babies, I think they know not to ask and probably know we're TTCing.

thisisouryrfx18 Mon 04-Jun-18 09:25:16

@TTC73 soo sorry that u find urself in this situation, im the exact same ttc #1 for 2.5 nearly 3yrs now! Im currently trying to pluck up the courage to fone gp and get an appointment to start investigations..but im terrified!

thisisouryrfx18 Mon 04-Jun-18 09:31:17

Just realised ive seen @LillyLeaf @Mrsjones17 both of u in various conception boards hi ladies😊 sorry that its came to this for all of us its shit isnt it?

LillyLeaf Mon 04-Jun-18 18:18:02

Yeah Hi, the conception boards can get so annoying. Thought I'd try here although I haven't quite labelled myself infertile yet. Although not really sure if there's anything that can be done before IVF?

thisisouryrfx18 Mon 04-Jun-18 19:37:38

@LillyLeaf i wouldnt label myself as infertile either but as u said when ur on the conception boards and everyone has left because theyv had their bfp u start to accept that something isnt right..suppose finding out what it is is the first step x

Mrsjones17 Mon 04-Jun-18 20:06:04

Yep hi @thisisouryrfx18 sorry to see you over here. It is indeed shit

FingersXssd83 Mon 04-Jun-18 20:20:46

Agree that the conception board is awful! I've decided not to go on again.

@LillyLeaf you're in exactly the same situation as me minus the fibroid (although I've been getting pains/chills in my lower abdomen so kind of expecting to have something going on after my ultrasound!).

I've really lost my shit over the last week or so, does anyone have any recommendations how to take your mind off TTC? I'm finding it all a bit much xxx

LillyLeaf Mon 04-Jun-18 21:06:37

@FingersXssd83 I have been googling the same... 'how to stop thinking about TTCing' too. I've had a very stressy day all because I've been trying to get my healthcare to cover this fibroid op (so I can have it sooner), but if they think it's fertility related they won't cover it but I'm sure it's the cause of some pain too so not necessarily just fertility, just trying to ring my doctor's to get a letter explaining etc blah blah blah, it's just draining. I am tempted by acupuncture just to see if it helps, just feeling like I could cry if I think about it all. I'm struggling to concentrate at work too, really need to take my mind off this.

thisisouryrfx18 Mon 04-Jun-18 22:18:31

@LillyLeaf and @FingersXssd83 i wish i knew sumthin to take my mind off it all aswell its soo draining its all i talk about with oh all i think about is ways to get pregnant things to buy and do..ive lookd into acupuncture its reasonably priced and nearby i want to try it out

thisisouryrfx18 Mon 04-Jun-18 22:20:36

@LillyLeaf hope doc sorts out the letter for u what a nightmare they always try to worm their way out of paying for ops bastards

TTC73 Tue 05-Jun-18 11:31:40

Just been to GP for my swabs doing just a blood test to go now before we find out on the 2nd what it all means. Nervous and excited at the same time

LillyLeaf Tue 05-Jun-18 18:27:20

@TTC73 does it feel good that something is happening? I find the waiting the hardest. I've booked my first acupuncture appointment on Thursday, not sure if it's just a first chat or if she'll get straight to it. She's asked to see any test results we have and any charting, I think it will be interesting. Might chill me out a bit or refocus my thoughts 🤞

Mrsjones17 Tue 05-Jun-18 18:47:11

@TTC73 understandable that your nervous but at least things are going in the right direction! Good you get to find out on 2nd not too far away. I assume 2nd July that is?

FingersXssd83 Tue 05-Jun-18 19:12:10

What are the swans for @TTC73? I wasn't offered them at the GP, just the 21 day bloods

LillyLeaf Tue 05-Jun-18 19:16:43

I had to have swabs done before I could be referred to a fertility specialist, can't remember what they were for, I think one was for STDs.

TTC73 Wed 06-Jun-18 02:13:37

Yh mine were 3 different swabs one was an STD swab as a precaution one was a HPV or HIV swab can't remember which and one was the Cervical swab to check my cervix is ok where she actually stuck it all the way in shock didn't feel a thing though and she commented that i have a very long cervix which sounds like a bad thing imo. 2nd July is D-day when we find everything out at last

Mrsjones17 Wed 06-Jun-18 06:37:38

@TTC73 I’ve has same as you back on 14th May. Swabs for HPV HIV Chlymidia and cervix check. DH had his results back from his doctor but I havent had mine yet. Think they are waiting for DH next sample in July. I know STI swabs will come back fine I’m waiting on repeated blood tests too.

I’m so impatient. If this TTC lark is teaching me anything it’s patience haha!

MynameisJune Wed 06-Jun-18 07:05:06

Hello all can I join?

Age 33 nearly 34, been TTC no2 for 16 months and 19 cycles due to some super short cycles at the beginning.

We’ve finally decided to start looking at IVF, we’ve had tests with the GP and all were fine. So we are in the unexplained secondary infertility group which is so frustrating. Had a MC last October as well, really didn’t think it would take us this long.

@lopey sorry to see you over here lovely, I know exactly what you mean about the conception boards and everyone coming and going with BFP’s and still being there.

LillyLeaf Wed 06-Jun-18 07:24:45

Has anyone had a HyCoSy? I've booked a private one because I'm so bloody impatient. It will be interesting to know if my tubes are blocked.

Mrsjones17 Wed 06-Jun-18 09:12:20

Hi @mynameisjune welcome although sorry to see you here I also recognise you from the conception boards 😕

@lillyleaf how much was it to go private if you don’t mind me asking

LillyLeaf Wed 06-Jun-18 13:21:22

It's £450. I really should wait because the following day we have our first appointment with NHS fertility clinic but I know there will be more waiting.

Mellp Wed 06-Jun-18 13:40:58

Hi everyone.
Can I join?
Been TTC#2 for 16 months.
Totally understand what you're saying with the conception boards, they make me feel very low sometimes.
DH SA results are due back today and I'm worrying about that. We went to our GP a few months ago which wasn't all that helpful. Fobbed me off with the day 21 blood test which I had to guess as my periods weren't regular, so i received a phone call from the receptionist saying I hadn't ovulated and that was that. However, I've been using OPKs and charting BBT and it seems I am ovulating but who knows. I'm just so tired of this all consuming need to have another baby. And I know we are so lucky to have DD. I just feel like I'm letting her down as I know she would be an amazing sister.
Sorry, just a bit of a rant I guess. I do talk to DH about it and he's so good, but I can see he's getting bored by it all. He's so laid back he's practically horizontal!
Really sorry we are all going through this. Really hope we all get the news we are so desperate for.

TTC73 Wed 06-Jun-18 16:49:33

DH got a text yesterday to say his test results are back but he wants to wait till the 2nd so they are altogether. I still think its me though his tests will be fine whereas i know theres something wrong with me

thisisouryrfx18 Wed 06-Jun-18 16:55:50

Hi @Mellp sorry to hear ur having a hard time aswell. I know they dnt mean it guys have a different way of coping i think but it is frustrating. Well ive done it ladies ive booked my docs appt for nxt tues dnt know if i should b happy ive plucked up the courage or depressed that its all come to this. My heads all over the place at the min i keep crying at the stupidiest of things i guess i just cant believe this is really happening. The fact im 34 soon is hitting me hard feel like time is against me😢

MynameisJune Wed 06-Jun-18 18:08:31

@mellp are you me?!? We’ve also been TTC #2 for 16 months and DH is so laid back he is horizontal. He has basically told me to chose the IVF clinic I want and we’ll go there.

I also feel like I’m letting DD down not giving her a sibling as she loves babies and she’d love a sibling.

Mellp Wed 06-Jun-18 18:50:26

@thisisouryrfx18 well done for taking the plunge. I was also hesitant to go to the GP initially, but now I figure that whatever the outcome, is rather know what (if any) the issue is so I can either attempt to rectify it, or gain some closure. But I totally understand, it's tough

@MynameisJune sorry you're going through this as well, it's hard isn't it? As if the longing for a baby wasn't hard enough to cope with, the overwhelming feeling that I'm letting DD down is too much to cope with sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to have at least one! I'm a massive worrier so DH compliments me well with his laid-back-ness but on the other hand, I wish he'd have a bit more 'get up and go about him'! Nothing phases him at all!

thisisouryrfx18 Thu 07-Jun-18 08:07:59

thanks @Mellp x

spugymonster Fri 08-Jun-18 17:52:55

@TTC73 you sound just like me 😂 you say congrats on these boards but inside you're like 💔💔💔 and also with the MIL... argh butt out already! The only nice thing MIL has prob ever said to me is "I really don't know why you're not a mum" (when nephew was sat on my knee) this was recently but I'm not about to divulge our personal things to her!
Anywho... picked up hubby's SA form from the GP this afternoon and asked him how he feels about making an appointment. Say he feels weird, which is fine, but it's pretty much the only thing he'll have to do at this stage. I had an internal scan 2 weeks ago, while on a heavy period, fun! Showed a 23mm endometriod cyst. Background of endo unfortunately and my cycles have been between 26-38 days since we've been ttc. Blood work also showed no ovulation... could be due to my cycle lengths so tested at the wrong time, or cycle lengths could be all over the place because I'm not ovulating 💔
Anywho, hugs to all who are desp trying x

TTC73 Sat 09-Jun-18 09:53:42

DH broke my heart today when he woke up and said he wishes he had a baby to snuggle sad the house is super quiet and lonely on mornings like this

kikisparks Sat 09-Jun-18 10:10:32

I’m pretty near the start too. DH has had SA, count was fine and motility was great but they don’t test for morphology unless there’s something up with the other 2. Had day 21 test and progesterone was at 34 which is ok. Had transvaginal ultrasound which showed no problems. On waiting list for an HSG or hycosy which should be before August when our next appointment with the consultant is.

Right now we are unexplained. Been TTC 18 months with one very early miscarriage 10 months ago. Will need to wait another 6 months before referred for ivf.

If my tubes are fine I’m going to push for a lap as I have most of the symptoms of endo. If that is ruled out then we will be truly unexplained. In some ways I wish we had a diagnosis, something to treat. I have far too high levels of hope each month and I’m utterly devastated when my period comes and they are dashed.

kikisparks Sat 09-Jun-18 10:16:07

@TTC73- my DH occasionally says things like that. Both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time as it means you’re in this together and want the same thing.

Our house is not very quiet right now as my DH is playing a loud shooter type Xbox game and the cat was running about grin but yeah it does seem quiet sometimes especially when I can hear neighbours children playing outside.

kikisparks Sat 09-Jun-18 10:48:46

@spugymonster flowers sorry about your cyst and the problems detecting ovulation. Are you getting a lap to try and remove the cyst?

kikisparks Sat 09-Jun-18 10:51:13

@LillyLeaf not had my hycosy yet but will post when I have, yours might be sooner though if you’re doing it privately.

thisisouryrfx18 Sat 09-Jun-18 11:07:45

@kikisparksu hope u get some answers soon unexplained must b soo tough❤i totally get what u mean u just wish there was some pill they could give and it would just happen..@TTC73 it is soo quiet without kids its especially hard when u c all ur friends kids gettin older and kids on the street feels like times running away

TTC73 Sat 09-Jun-18 11:27:39

If ours all come back fine im asking for Clomid and further testing i don't want to have to go to the hospital for a referral till we've tried Clomid

spugymonster Sat 09-Jun-18 12:50:39

@kikisparks gp didn't mention anything about having it removed. I'm not sure exactly where it is, forgot to ask if it's in or on the ovary but she did say the cyst would link in with no ovulation etc so I guess it's in. I had a lap 12 or so years ago to remove endo on the right and it took me three weeks to recover. Does anyone know if lasering off endo/cyst removal can affect fertility? Worried that it could and then I'd be even worse off.
I really had to push for the lap last time, gp was rubbish (with a diff surgery now) I guess because there's still this misunderstanding that endo only affects older women but mine was there causing me problems, well always had painful periods from almost the word go but worse 17 years old onwards and got the lap at 20, begrudgingly referred by gp.
Thanks for replying to me. I'm new around here! X

Cariad2017 Sat 09-Jun-18 15:19:46

Waves at Mynameis and Lopey. I also seem to remember MrsJones from the conception boards as well.

I’m very glad to have found this thread as after 22 utterly unsuccessful cycles of ttc I’ve grown fed up of the conception boards, and the constant BFPs in Cycle 1.

Currently battling secondary infertility (we’ve been ttc #2 for 19 months or 22 cycles, with my latest AF arriving yesterday, so far we’ve had nothing other than BFNs). Issue appears to be predominantly male factor (poor morphology and DNA fragmentation), but I also only have one fallopian tube after a ruptured ectopic whilst ttc #1, and at 36 I’m hardly a spring chicken.

Aiming to do our first round of IVF in July/ August although DH is getting incredibly fed up of the low alcohol/ caffeine and healthy eating regime he’s been following since April, so is threatening not to do more than one round of IVF, so I’ll have to keep everything crossed that we end up with some Frosties... Feeling very much stuck in a rut at the moment.

thisisouryrfx18 Sat 09-Jun-18 16:22:33

@Cariad2017 hi! Feel as if we re in this weird grey area we re not infertile but conception boards are way too depressing tryin to build myself up to tell my family im ttc i dnt want the added pressure but im soo tired of the secrecy and lies and feel guilty now. Im pretty sure they must know by now especially after telling my mum ive got the docs for womens stuff lol

LopeyLopez Sun 10-Jun-18 08:00:40

Hey @cariad and @mynameis! Yes, sorry to see you both here is shit, isn't it?!

Well I've got my nurse appointment today to kick off the ivf process. Had my internal scan on Tuesday... "a perfect uterus!" Was the sonographer's comment, so that went well!

Hoping to start ivf Isci either this month or next....this month might be too rushed as I start my next cycle (18! 😞) on Sunday, and I don't know if they can get the drugs sorted and delivered out to me in less than a week. So it will probably be mid-July instead. Gosh, I am so impatient now: just want to start!!!

Cariad2017 Sun 10-Jun-18 09:53:24

Lopey - We’re in a similar boat - our next clinic appointment isn’t until 27 June but as I’ll be on the longer form protocol (where you start down regging on day 21), I’d need to start that on 29 June to be in a position to actually do IVF in July so I’m thinking August might be more likely...

Like you, I’ve given up all hope of it happening naturally at this stage, so I’m desperate to get the ball rolling on IVF (although realistically, if it doesn’t work this Summer, I think we’ll take a break until January/ February as if we’re only doing 3 cycles (and realistically I can’t see how we could justify any more), I want to give ourselves the best chance possible of recovering in between.

Cariad2017 Sun 10-Jun-18 09:57:25

Thisisouryear - I totally get it re: being in that grey area of subfertility.

I still cling onto the hope of a miracle happening each month, even though at 36 and after 22 cycles, I know the odds of it happening without assistance each month are very very low. I’m also struggling to grasp the fact that we can’t seemingly manage something that seems to come so easily to others ourselves - it’s very very difficult.

Cariad2017 Sun 10-Jun-18 10:08:11

Thisisyour - DH and I have been very open about our infertility struggles, and I’ve definitely found it has helped. I’ve also been open with my work.

We are ttc#2 and to be frank there’s a societal expectation that you are fertile if you’ve got one already, and I got uncomfortable with not being transparent, particularly as before we started ttc this time around (when DS turned one), we’d been very open about wanting another and that we wanted a small gap blush. DS is now 2.5 and the smallest gap we’ll end up with even if round 1 of IVF/ ICSI is successful is 3.5 years, but if we end up needing all three cycles, it could we’ll end up being 4.5 years (hardly the 2 year gap I was originally planning)... I’m also mindful that we might not have another at all...

Cariad2017 Sun 10-Jun-18 10:14:48

Thisisyour - That is not to say that everyone “gets it”. Most of my friends have been very sympathetic, particularly those who’ve faced struggles elsewhere in their lives, and can therefore empathise, but it is very tough.

I have family members (including my Mum) who don’t seem to get it at all. Pregnancy announcements can still feel like a slap across the face, particularly when you know that those announcing will literally have been ttc for all of 5 minutes, but the fact that others know means that I’ve managed to avoid face to face announcements for a while...

Mrsjones17 Sun 10-Jun-18 10:50:24

Looking at the calendar I am out for next month already due to DH work dates. This month I have no idea what’s going on. Fertility friend reckons I ovulated on CD13 which would be very early for me (average is CD16) but haven’t had a positive poke yet and it’s CD17 today. Normally the two match up so not sure. Obviously we’ve kept DTD as much as we can but I’m just a bit sick of all the uncertainty. I’m sick of trying so hard to ‘get it right’ and failing. I’m sick of seeing pregnant people everywhere and instantly feeling jealous. TTC is turning me into someone I don’t want to be.

LopeyLopez Sun 10-Jun-18 12:01:26

@cariad, yes, for some reason I still hang on to hope every month for some kind of miracle, even though we've been told that after such a long time and with DPs morphology our chances of natural conception are only 1%..... crazy! But I can't help but hang in there for that one amazing sperm that manages to get through, and it kills me.

If I was 30 or under then maybe I'd be willing to give it another few months of trying naturally, but at 38 I feel my time is running out. I'll also have a big age gap (if I ever have another one at all...) and may end up delivering a baby in my forties, which I am not keen on either.....

At least with ivf we've been given a 35% chance of success, so there is actually something more likely to be hopeful about! And I am not wasting my hope on something almost impossible...

We are also going for three rounds only, for mainly financial but also sanity reasons....!

thisisouryrfx18 Sun 10-Jun-18 13:36:10

@Lopey i know its soo shit and unfair @Cariad sorry ur mum doesnt understand as u said ppl who have been through this or sumthin else out of their control are more sympathetic to ppl ttc..especially the fear no one knows the fear like we do..the fear that it will never happen is the worst. I cling onto hope aswell its all we can do at this point lifes cruel! I sometimes wonder why i even put myself through this @MrsJones ive had ff tell me i ovulated before a +opk if its too early for ur usual cycle id say wait it out for the +opk because later on in my cycle i had a temp dip followed by 3rises again and it changed my ovulation date to the same time as +opk. Its practically impossible to take temps accurately in this bloody hot spell!

thisisouryrfx18 Sun 10-Jun-18 13:40:06

@Lopey when r u starting ivf?..ur right if i was u id throw myself into the ivf ur odds are soo much better..have u not been offered it on nhs? Or do they not offer to ppl who already have children? Sorry if im wrong think i read that somewhere..seems a bit heartless tho

Guio Sun 10-Jun-18 14:52:07

Hello, I am new in the group.I am a little bit nervous because I have been referred to IVF so just waiting for the approval which I hope we will get.nhs funds 2 fresh and 2 frozen rounds.I am going to the opening evening this week and I can't stop thinking about it.i have not started yet but just the fact of going to this meeting makes me feel anxious.i feel sad that we have to do this to have a baby when everyone seems to get pregnant so easily.has anyone been in opening evenings before?which kind of questions shall I ask?

Mrsjones17 Sun 10-Jun-18 17:58:32

@thisisouryrFX18 I’ve had positive this morning. So FF has removed crosshairs now. We DTD last night. We know DH has low sperm count and low motility. So do we DTD tonight or wait until tomorrow baring in mind positive today?

LopeyLopez Mon 11-Jun-18 07:00:12

@thisisour, we're starting ivf either this week or next!! Moving very fast. It all depends on when my period comes...which is usually pretty regular, but the excitement may be messing things up! For example, ff said i ovulated on day 12 this month, which is crazy early for me....usually o day 16! Thankfully after adding more data it has now changed it to day 14, which fits a bit better. Also my luteal phase temps have been really low, like 36.2 degrees! There was still a step up at o but all in all a bit odd. Apparently ivf can throw out the most regular of people; it's the stress and anticipation!

The drugs are being delivered this week! I have to speak to my boss today about taking random days off with barely any notice for the various appointments: this for me is the scariest part of all....wish me luck!

@cariad, just wondering, how come you are doing long protocol? I wasn't given an option: they just presented me with short. It wasn't even discussed; I just read it on the front of my notes. I believe short is much more common these days. What are the reasons behind doing long?

Cariad2017 Mon 11-Jun-18 08:01:17

Lopey - that sounds super exciting. I shall be keeping everything crossed for you. Please do share all your experiences - I need to swot up as much as I can.

At our clinic, I was told that they typically do the short protocol for poor responders and those with excellent results (i.e. good antral follicle count and AMH over 18). My AMH results just met the cut off for excellent at 17.8 so I’m in the middling category of not excellent and not terrible for which they prescribe the longer form.

Cariad2017 Mon 11-Jun-18 08:02:46

Meant to write that my AMH results fell short of the cut off point for excellent at my clinic...

thisisouryrfx18 Mon 11-Jun-18 10:12:33

Hi @Guio ive never been but sum of the ladies on here will prob b able to help u just wantd to say hi and gd luck x @MrsJones sorry i wasnt feelin gd yest idv dtd yest did u? @Lopey yh ur better off telling ur work then theyl understand any mood swings or if u dnt feel well aswell it does sound scarey tho u dnt know how they will react. The only thing i will say is id keep a note of everything they say or take a collegue in as a witness cause i would think legally they have to help u out x

Cariad2017 Mon 11-Jun-18 19:37:15

How did your chat with work go Lopey? I hope they were sympathetic. The last thing you need is an unsympathetic employer when going through the upheaval of IVF.

LopeyLopez Mon 11-Jun-18 22:02:17

@cariad oh God I chickened out!! Was waiting for the right moment then when I went to find boss for an "informal chat" she had already gone home!

Anyway I have written an email and asked for a meeting, hopefully tomorrow. I'm sure it will be fine. But for me it definitively is the scariest part!! That really says something about me and unhealthy relationship if ever there was one. I let it take over my life. I keep telling myself, I deserve this, I deserve a break. For once, I come first and work can wait!

That's interesting what you said about long vs short protocol. I never got my AMH results: was just told that they were normal for my age. I would like to know the number though; I must ask next time I'm there.

My drugs are being delivered to my work on Friday as we are never in to sign for them at home. So that will be interesting... I also parted with over five and a half thousand pounds today over the phone in paying for my drugs and there goes years and years or savings....! I hope it will be worth it. Fingers crossed we are lucky!

wishing4u2018 Tue 12-Jun-18 01:42:56

Hi, me and my partner have been trying to conceive for over 7 years. We attended a fertility clinic 3 years ago but due to my weight they wouldn't help us. Ive now lost the weight and we returned to the clinic at the end of May where I had a transvaginal scan which came back fine and some other tests and my partner is to return his semen analysis tomorrow. In the past his semen has been tested and is fine. My period was is due to start today and I thought it had as I went the loo earlier and there was some blood when wiping however this was about 8 hours ago and now there is nothing on the pad or when I wipe. Has this ever happened to anyone before? It's very confusing! X

TTC73 Tue 12-Jun-18 07:32:54

sometimes my period takes a day or two to actually start properly it's normal this month i had brown spotting and a bit of blood for two days before it was due and then it just started as normal on the due date

thisisouryrfx18 Tue 12-Jun-18 08:50:47

@Lopey i hope u get it over n done with today im the same i feel like im affecting them if i ask for time off, but like u said its time for us to put ourselves first. End of the day everybody else does and at least u can look back and say ive tried EVERYTHING, i really hope it works for u x

thisisouryrfx18 Tue 12-Jun-18 09:24:41

@MrsJones this is what i mean about ff my cycles are normally about 41/42 days and its saying ive ovulated(way too early). I bet u itl change it in a wk or 2

Mrsjones17 Tue 12-Jun-18 12:29:22

@thisisouryrfx18 thanks for that. Mine has now removed cross hairs. Looking at it I think I ovulated yesterday based on dip and opk. That would be much more sensible suggestion for me haha!

I’ve attached a pic. What do you think?

thisisouryrfx18 Tue 12-Jun-18 12:38:02

@MrsJones yh that makes more sense if it was yest itl prob put the cross hairs on in a couple of days if u have 2more high temps..ff is gd for keeping a record of ur temps but its not very accurate with ovulation sumtimes have u been using it long? U think it would know by ur last cycle that it was too early for ovulation..oh well fx for u hun ❤ u just need to get through the annoying tww now

Lightblue82 Tue 12-Jun-18 15:14:22

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thisisouryrfx18 Tue 12-Jun-18 21:04:49

Just back from the docs ladies and im pretty happy that she was soo nice. Im getting bloods done to check that i ovulate and im being referred to a gynaecologist

TTC73 Wed 13-Jun-18 12:25:59

DH just got a phonecall from GP asking for him to do a 2nd sperm sample in 2 months !! We don't even get the results of the 1st one for another weeks why would they request another ??

Mellp Wed 13-Jun-18 12:40:14

@TTC73 my DH needed his repeating aswell. When we received the results for the 2nd one, we asked for a printout of both results and the first one was 'borderline', so I guess that's why they wanted another sample. I think it's quite common for them to ask for repeats.

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