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Applying for a new job when going through IVF?

(22 Posts)
ohbigdaddio Fri 10-Nov-17 17:40:55

I know there have been a couple of job posts recently but this is a slightly different.

I'm thinking of applying for a job (currently work from home freelance) but will also be doing a second IVF attempt in the next few months.

Being freelance it was very easy to take time off when I needed during our 1st IVF cycle. I did take a fair bit of time off too...

Do you think it's bad form to apply knowing that if I get it I will have to tell new employer and therefore be basically saying "Look, I'm trying to get pregnant and you will need to sort maternity cover for me at some point". Also to be asking for lots of time off too for scans etc...I'm thinking they would be a bit pissed off?

MissConductUS Fri 10-Nov-17 17:50:31

I'm thinking they would be a bit pissed off?

Yes, indeed. If it's a throw away type job I'd give it a go. If it could have a negative impact on your reputation professionally I'd wait.

Hopefullywaiting Fri 10-Nov-17 17:52:46

Hi there
I havnt any advice as have not had ivf before but will be watching with interest as about to go for my first appointment at clinic for ivf. i would like to know how to go about things at work with regards to time off.
I hope that someone is along very soon with good advice experience for you smile xxx

AppleKatie Fri 10-Nov-17 17:54:21

Ask yourself this: is your husband jeapordising his career for your ivf?

If the answer is no then neither should you.

Yes it's inconvenient for them. But you having any kind of personal life is inconvenient for them so they will have to deal with it.

BeerBaby Fri 10-Nov-17 17:57:44

I don't think it's great but lots do it. Personally I'd be sticking with more free time if on IVF. As you'll be aware it's not easy and if (hopefully when) it works you might not be entitled to maternity leave/pay unless you've worked there a while. Check the contracts every business is different.

JoJoSM2 Fri 10-Nov-17 18:01:24

I’d go for the job. Otherwise, you’ll carry on postponing it for a very long time. For example, if your ivf is successful in a few months, then you’ll have the pregnancy, then maternity leave etc I’d got for it and try to take as little time off as possible.

Marriageoftrueminds Fri 10-Nov-17 18:23:15

I strongly feel you shouldn’t put your personal life on hold for a job - a job is a contract, in that contract you agree to do the hi they asked you to do in return for certain conditions. One of the conditions is that you get maternity leave. It’s our right and we should feel free to use it. As a PP said, a man would never put his career on hold because of TTC - and yet they will also have time off to attend scans, to have paternity leave, and even be knackered going in once baby is born and up all night etc. Why should women feel guilty about daring to want a family and a career?! Go for the job OP and good luck x

ohbigdaddio Fri 10-Nov-17 18:55:17

Thanks all, it's so annoying being a woman sometimes!

The thing is it could take several more rounds (and years!) of IVF before we get a BFP, who knows?! By that point I might have been working at the new job for a few years.

I just worried that with the IVF that it's obvious you are planning to have a family, whereas when TTC naturally you have the same intention but nobody needs to know until the 12 week scan. Having IVF means being out in the open about plans to take time off from the job.

MissConductUS it's not a throw away type of job but I'm not sure it's unprofessional as such, just bad timing which is why I'm just considering it at the moment.

BertieBotts Fri 10-Nov-17 19:02:48

You absolutely have to go on with life as normal.

I do hope that the IVF all goes well but there is also always that possibility that it won't. Then you're facing yet another attempt or the difficult decision to stop trying or looking into alternatives - all of which is hard but if you look back and think I let all those opportunities go for nothing too, it's just depressing.

Infertility can be so all consuming I think that it's vital to have other things going on that you can throw yourself into when it all gets too much. So that you retain a sense of who you are and it doesn't destroy you.

Besides - if you get the job and then need to take time off for maternity leave, you're realistically not going to care about pissing off an employer anywhere near as much as you're going to care about the fact you're having a baby!

NamasteNiki Fri 10-Nov-17 19:07:24

I was unwell a while ago, illness was nothing to do with pregnancy as I wasn't pregnant.

My long term job was tolerant at face value but subtly started bullying me regarding it. Putting me on performance review etc. They knew I just needed to have my treatment and recover but it didnt stop them.

I moved to a new job not factoring in that a new job would have absolutely no tolerance for the medical appointments Id need. I should have stayed where I was.

They will have no tolerance for that in a new job and why should they? Stay where you are.

SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs Fri 10-Nov-17 19:13:11

I think it's completely fine to apply for a job and hope to get pregnant. When you go on maternity leave your SSP is paid by the government and your company will probably farm your work out to someone else anyway. When you go back after Mat Leave you will probably do a full time amount of work in part time hours, and will be loyal to your family friendly employer.
I think you have to believe you have a lot to give your employer, and that what you have to have to offer will outweigh the inconvenience of a few scans etc.

makemyminduptime Fri 10-Nov-17 19:19:25

Do you have to tell them you're going through IVF, unless of course you want to? A member of my team was going through IVF and I didn't know at the time, she just asked for days off here and there or said she had a medical appointment.

I would go for the job, you can't put your life on hold especially when you don't know how things are going to pan out or how long it will take.

BertieBotts Fri 10-Nov-17 19:25:59

Also, I came back to say something like makemymindup said - surely you don't need to declare that it's IVF at first anyway. If you need to, you could explain that you have a booked medical procedure which you'll need X dates off for. You don't have to explain what it is you're having done and they're not allowed to ask you. It could be any number of things! If anybody does ask (colleagues etc) you could just say Actually I'd rather not say as it's a bit personal, but it's nothing life threatening! Or just outright lie and say it's a dental operation, nobody wants to hear the details of that.

cannonball8726 Fri 10-Nov-17 19:32:32

Lol at dental operation. Tell them you're getting your haemorrhoids banded. 🤣that'll shut them up.

Catinthecorner Sat 11-Nov-17 00:33:18

‘I have a gynological issue that I’ll need time to attend appointments for’. Vague but truthful

stealthbanana Sat 11-Nov-17 06:55:18

You should absolutely go for it - as the others have said, you don't know how long it might take.

I told my work I was having scans as they'd found an ovarian cyst - this had the benefits of a) being not a complete lie (follies/cysts 😜), b) explained the multiple scans + procedure (EC/"cyst removal") - I had ohss and had to take a week off and c) was sufficiently confronting to my male colleagues that they didn't ask any more questions. I didn't tell them I was pregnant until the last possible minute (so 25w) so no one remembered the timing of any of that by the time I announced.

I would absolutely NOT tell any new employer you're having ivf - you have zero employment protections in the first 2 years and you're just making yourself vulnerable.

Blueroses99 Sat 11-Nov-17 17:07:22

Agree with everything said by Stealthbanana.

One thing that helped me through IVF was being told that if I had to cancel/rearrange things because I was pregnant, I wouldn’t care, I’d be so happy that it worked, whereas putting your life on hold while TTC is emotionally draining...

ohbigdaddio Mon 13-Nov-17 19:31:52

Thanks all for your replies. I think I'm going to apply!

Blueroses99 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:57:56

Good luck!

RubyBoots7 Tue 14-Nov-17 20:44:38

I was in the exact same position .
Worked in old job for years. Started IVF just after I switched jobs but obviously knew about it months before because of the whole process).

I stayed in the old job because I didn't want to be in the position of starting a new job then going off a short while later pregnant. Or juggling IVF and new role (didn't want to tell new employers but had told old manager, she was very supportive and had been through it herself).

So I got the job I applied for. The first round of IVF didn't work. We had a second round and had to have a break and do a FET. 12 months later we are lucky to be pregnant. But it could easily have taken two more cycles. Or not worked at all. And all that time I would've stayed in the old job for now reason. You don't have a crystal ball and have no idea what could happen. Propel get pregnant, it's life and the world keeps turning.

Also I kept the whole IVF thing from work (which was no easy task but doable). There is no need to tell them unless you absolutely have to (I reckon inmost situations you can find ways around it). Then tell them if and when you get pregnant.

The only potential issue might be the companies maternity leave policy. You might not qualify for certain things if your date they use (15 weeks before the due date if I remember rightly??) Is less than X period after you start work. I think it's 6 months. But IVF can take a while anyway depending on what protocol you're on, so it might be totally fine.

Good luck with the application!

RubyBoots7 Tue 14-Nov-17 20:45:43

Sorry for all the typos!

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 14-Nov-17 22:22:18

You get smp once you have been in a job for a week

Think it’s something like you have to be in your job for 26w by the time you are 15w from due date - which is 25w preg

Def don’t put your life on hold. Hopefully it will work first time

Or may be 5th like me

Tho will agree being se (like me) was a lot easier for appointments but you can arrange early scans or have done in lunch hour if clinic local to work

You can say you need time off for dentist - root canal - broken tooth - infection

Or say it’s piles 😂

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