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Has anyone really struggled with or ruled OUT donor conception on ethical grounds?

(9 Posts)
Battleax Mon 06-Nov-17 21:16:29

Or because of any squeamishness generally around issues of identity, anonymity, medical histories or that kind of thing?

I'm struggling. Probably because

All stories gratefully received but please (respectfully) no parables about eggs, ovens and cakes and not epigenetics stuff. I wish I found those things sufficiently reassuring, but I don't. Not on their own anyway.

Battleax Mon 06-Nov-17 21:21:09

Sorry, C &P snafu.

I think I'm struggling because openness is extremely important to me and I'd struggle if one half of my genetic identity was obscure, I think.

Weighed against that. I have four DC, DH has none. We tried for three years before discovering MFI so we will need donor sperm to go forward. I am now nearly 42, so realistically we're now looking at double donation.

Double donation might actually be a more comfortable prospect than someone who inherited my appetite for full facts being conceived with donor sperm. But I feel like I'm just going around and around in circles now.

JoJoSM2 Mon 06-Nov-17 21:30:42

Would thinking of it as embryo adoption help?

Battleax Mon 06-Nov-17 22:18:34

Maybe. If it was embryo adoption as opposed to double donation. Of course that throws up different challenges, but you're right, that might sit better with me.

Does anyone do "true" embryo adoption in the UK?

Battleax Mon 06-Nov-17 22:23:31

One of my DC isn't genetically related to me so it's not that.

Wormysquirmy Mon 06-Nov-17 22:29:45

I have three beautiful children conceived this way. My husband has azoospermia (no sperm in his testes zoo)

The decision was easy for me because it was our only realistic chance to have a family. My husband adores the kids and wouldn't have it any other way. We are planning on telling them. I'm exceedingly grateful to our donor and so wasn't squeamish. Full medical history provided and seemed a better bet than either of us.

I know I sound relaxed and believe me I wasn't. But I feel grateful! And lucky.

Can really recommend the Donor Conception Network for help and advice

Battleax Mon 06-Nov-17 22:43:39

Thanks. I think what I'm squeamish about is making these big identity decisions on someone else's behalf ahead of time.

I'm aware from experience with the older DC that things can happen anyway (sorry to be vague) so have a feeling of "Why invite complications?". But you're right; If it's the only way, it's the only way, and in many ways knowing the complications up front is clearer (?)

I'll look further into DCN.

Can I be nosey and ask how many generations the medical histories cover?

MouseLove Mon 06-Nov-17 23:06:11

I’m sorry I don’t have any personal experiences with this BUT a close friend of mine does. She did a lot of soul searching before doing donation.

Her thoughts outweighed the difficulty she was facing with all the questions running though her mind, and it simply boiled down to “do I want to carry a baby and be a Mum” and the answer was yes. Once she had her baby everything clicked into place.

She made a really good point to me that one of the issues she was having beforehand was will illnesses and personality traits inherited. Little things she wondered about. But we could have fully biological children and them fall ill later in life, or have serious medical conditions, so really the worries changed into unconditional thoughts.

I suppose the question would be, if you are looking at double donation and being 42, would adoption be an option to explore as well as pregnancy?

Good luck in your journey. X

Wormysquirmy Tue 07-Nov-17 09:00:44

Ours covered three generations.

My DH's family history is pretty dire and mine is no picnic
either so the fact our donor had some asthma and grandparents
had hardening of arteries felt minor.

All genetic conditions are not and cannot be tested for. (They test for the main types of cystic fibrosis). But I saw that as no different to DH - weird syndromes do crop up and I didn't think donor conception in itself
affected that risk. As it happens, I'm quite glad I have managed to avoid
DH's medical family history but could never tell him that!!

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