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Need help with what to say

(5 Posts)
katieferg81 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:19:53

We've been TTC for 5.5 years and are due to have IVF likely in the new year which obviously may or may not be successful. Our infertility is something I am incredibly private about and nobody knows about the IVF and very few people know we've been TTC let alone for such a long period of time . We get married in a few weeks and I'm sure we'll face the question / insinuations from various parties about starting a family and the pitter patter of tiny feet. Years ago I just used to brush this off with having years yet but at nearly 37 this excuse no longer cuts the mustard so what can I say instead? What a really want to say is mind your own bloody business but I'm not sure that's the best way to endear myself to some of my new in-laws. I have considered the mumsnet staple of "did you mean to be so rude and ask such a personal question" followed by tinkley laugh whatever a tinkley laugh is, but I'm not sure I can bring myself to crush great aunt so and so in this way when she thinks she's asked a perfectly reasonable question.
In the past I've also made out I don't like children but I don't like doing this now as I stupidly feel a bit like I'm jinxing myself.
How does everyone else deal with the well meaning but utterly clueless?

Scottishgirl85 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:27:11

If I need to be polite, I say 'fingers crossed but it's not always as easy for some as it is for others'. If I'm not in a polite mood I tell them the truth (taken years, ivf, very difficult time etc) and they never ever ask again. Wishing you all the best for your treatment x

FilledSoda Tue 31-Oct-17 13:38:01

I've been in exactly the scenario you describe with my SIL expressing excitement at being a aunt at some stage during my hen dinner. I attempted to brush it off with a ' lets hope so' type of comment , she picked up on it straight away ffs, wanted to know what on earth I meant by that.
People often have an idea.
No advice really sorry , just close it down as best you can.

JoJoSM2 Tue 31-Oct-17 13:39:07

I react similarly to Scottish Girl by saying that we’d love to but it’s not easy for everyone. To date, everyone has shut up at that.

However, a few family members and friends know more and have been supportive.

katieferg81 Tue 31-Oct-17 14:05:59

Thanks ladies I knew I could rely on you. Infertility sucks and it's nice to know you're not alone although it goes without saying I wish none of us were in this position flowers

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