Should I abandon this IVF cycle? Just 1 follicle :-(

[Weedance]

Am feeling really down. After 2 completely natural ivf cycles resulting in 1 egg each time (both BFN) I decided to take low dose drugs this time (150 gonal-f), in the hope of more eggs but it's made no difference, still just 1 follicle. I'm 40 which makes it all the more desperate, time is not on my side.
I'm tempted to abandon cycle as I have lost faith in the clinic and am fed up with lack of clarity on cost, extra fees etc. If I abandon now I will save myself over £2,000 in extra fees, however if I continue, this might be the one!
If I do abandon this cycle I might just go to Spain instead and throw the kitchen sink at it, high doses, get as many eggs as possible.
Any advice or success stories to help raise my spirits? I need help! WWYD?

[Chattycat78]

Difficult....do you have low amh? You might be as well taking max drugs to get as many eggs as possible.

I Got 2eggs on my cycle. 1 embryo. I bfp. It is possible. I did have 4 follicles though, so it's hard to say if it would have been same result with 1.

[Weedance]

Thanks for replying chattycat. My amh is 3.6 so pretty low. I know I can do 1 egg without drugs so really flipping disappointed to only get 1 on an albeit 'mild stim' cycle. My clinic are also confusing me with nurses and docs giving me different times to take my cetrotide before I trigger tonight. This is probably the most stressful cycle I've had, I feel like there's zero chance with all this anxiety. I'm literally planning the next cycle in my mind already. Can't be good.

[RubyBoots7]

Have you been told about the quality of the eggs/embryos each time?
That will potentially affect the success of the transfer and might help you guide your decision?
Is there a reason you've gone the natural route rather than taken more stimming drugs?

[Weedance]

Hi rubyboots I always liked the idea of natural and didn't want to take anymore drugs as I'm just a bit over it. I've had 4 medicated cycles as well as the 2 natural ones so 6 cycles in total. The 2nd medicated cycle gave me DD. I thought (maybe foolishly) that natural would give me a result but I'm older now and maybe that's the problem and quality has declined with age. I've always had 2 or 3 day transfers so not much indication of quality.

[lokijet]

You only need 1 - I had a similar issue where I was on max stimms and got 2 follies and what they thought was a cysts- got 2 eggs 1 fertilised (he's sitting here complaining about homework!)

I had already done 6 rounds IUI so was keen to know that egg and sperm had actually met - I guess its your call maybe do IUI this round and ask for higher stims if not successful

planning the next cycle is part of what we all do - I was still planning for the worst after a BFP.

Fingers crossed for current cycle x

[Weedance]

Thanks lokijet I'm going to go ahead, otherwise the not knowing will kill me!

As you say it only takes 1 so here's hoping that this follicle has an egg inside... there's only one way to find out

[Weedance]

Thought i'd revisit with an update as you were so kind to respond. So i went ahead with ICSI and transferred a single grade 2 blast on day 5. Got a BFN last week. Feeling bloody crap about it. Secondary infertility for 2 years, had 4 fresh ICSI cycles in that time and not a whiff of a BFP. Ive always been told embryo quality is fine. I'm 41 in a couple of months and am thinking that maybe its time to call it a day, count my blessings as I have 1 DC. DH is desperate to continue though, thinks we should go to Spain for one last try, pull out all the stops etc. If i do this it will be my 6th round of ICSI in total. I hate taking the drugs, hate it! Don't want to end up with ovarian cancer (i know rationally that the risk is minimal, but these are the things that haunt my thoughts on sleepless nights). I am so fed up, don't know what to do. I feel so sad and desperate for another child.

[isthismummy]

I'm so sorry weedance that's really shit

Ultimately it's your body and your decision. DH may be desperate to go again, but it's you who has to go through the physical side of things. Maybe take some time out to decide your next steps? It's just so so hard

[Weedance]

Thanks for the support and kind words isthismummy. Both you and I (and everyone else on this forum) deserve a result! If one put this much time, passion and effort into anything else in life, surely we'd see some reward. I just feel so wretched and pissed off and tired and, and, and...

Yes its my decision. I suspect that my eggs are crap now due to age and we're at the point of throwing good money after bad. The last 3 cycles broke the bank, so this really would be a last ditch attempt. In the back of my mind I've been thinking about DE. Somebody mentioned on another thread that chances go up to as much as 65%. Much better than the paltry 11% chance I was betting on using my own eggs. I feel a bit silly now, having hoped i'd be one of the privileged 1 in 10.

So the options are limited now: we have to go abroad as can't afford treatment in this country now (and i keep hearing its better abroad anyway). We have to decide whether its going to be DE or high dose stims to try and get my poor ovaries to respond. I have lost confidence now and just feel like its not going to work. I don't know if thats my gut trying to tell me something or just shitty despondency.

Otherwise, i just call it a day and get on with my life. But then poor DH! The guilt really gets me down. Shouldering a loved ones hopes and dreams as well as your own is a pretty hefty suitcase to carry around. What are your thoughts on DE right now? Do you think you could do it?

[isthismummy]

Oh Weedance I'm so sorry you're going through such a rubbish time right now. I didn't want to mention DE first, but I really think it's something worth considering if you and DH are so desperate for another baby. The chances of success are so much higher. Have you and your DH discussed DE at all? How do you both feel about it if so?

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about though. You've already given it 110% and none of this is your fault. It's cruel biology that conceiving at 40 is going to be that much bloody harder. I'm sure your DH understands that.

I honestly think that listening to your gut is the most important thing in these situations. Others can tell you what they think, but for such a massively personal decision I think you need to pay attention to your own feelings first. It sounds like your gut is screaming at you right now tbh.

I'm actually very much at peace with the idea of using DE I've suspected it might be required for some time now and tbh DH and I just want a baby! We've discussing it tonight and we're going to go ahead with it. Having a clear plan is such a relief.

Really hope you can get some more clarity soon. It's awful when you haven't decided what to do for the best. Take some time and make the decision that is right for you.