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Infertile midwives and nurses?

(17 Posts)
pineapplecolada Tue 01-Aug-17 09:06:13

NC for this as potentially outing. I'm a midwife in the NHS and apparently infertile. Just seen my GP and being referred for investigations, wondering if anyone here works in the NHS and how you've managed to fit this in with your rota? Nipping in and out for quick scans and appointments isn't an option for me or DH (also in clinical care in the NHS) especially if we need to book on short notice.

Also, how do you manage? It's rubbish enough to be asked daily whether I've got any DC, why I don't have them (as I'm clearly so great with mums and babies), or to have my capabilities questioned, if I'll really know what the birth or breastfeeding will be like as I haven't got any DC of my own just like the male obstetrician who you haven't questioned.

ForeverHopeful21 Tue 01-Aug-17 14:07:41

Can't help with your initial query, but I sympathise with being judged professionally based on having no children.
I'm a prenatal massage therapist hmm and I'm constantly asked if I have kids, do I not want kids? Am I going to have kids? etc etc.

I see some clients instantly judge me and my capabilities. I had one client literally sigh with disappointment. Luckily I'm very good at my job and they always change their tune after the treatment.

I used to take it with a pinch of salt, but since my MC in March I now pretty much hate my job and can't stand listening to so many pregnant women moan and whine about being pregnant. I just nod and smile. Then rant to my poor husband!

Rosieroo123 Tue 01-Aug-17 20:27:00

I'm a midwife too! It's a nightmare! Just starting IVF and I have no idea how I'm supposed to "rest" around EC and ET when I work on a busy labour ward on my feet for 12+ hours!
My manager is really nice but she doesn't fully understand everything so she's trying but it's all still proving to be a bit of a challenge to say the least!

Jenga0808 Tue 01-Aug-17 23:44:19

Hey I'm a midwife too.
Had first ivf cycle in April which failed. So fed up with moany pregnant women too!
In terms of resting after egg collection etc, just go off sick for a couple of weeks. I didn't last time. I took a week off after egg collection (because I felt awful) but went back pretty quickly after the transfer. I'm not doing that again. I didn't get breaks or have time to eat and now I resent work more than ever. This is so much more important.

crashandburnt Wed 02-Aug-17 10:23:49

In your position I would just be honest with your line manager but ask them to respect your privacy. You should not be embarrassed. Treat this as any other medical condition. I know that it is easier said than done but do put yourself first. The very best of luck and I hope you get your positive very very soon.

crashandburnt Wed 02-Aug-17 10:25:45

Just read Jengas post. Absolutely just go off sick where appropriate.

My work, not NHS, has an ivf policy. More places should.

Rosieroo123 Wed 02-Aug-17 19:07:04

I'm worried about going off sick as you get sickness managed after a so many days off! Feels like a second cruel blow with the infertility stick to me!

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 03-Aug-17 20:20:52

Hi Pineapple I'm a nurse. I've had 3 IVF cycles. For my first cycle I worked on a busy ward. My manager was very supportive, put me on all lates for the time I was stimming so I was able to attend scans/bloods without it affecting work. I then went off sick from egg collection. My gp gave me a sick note and my manager knew that was the plan. For the next 2 cycles I had moved trusts. My new trust had an IVF policy and I was entitled to have time off for all appointments which was great as I didn't have to change my working pattern. Wishing you all the best flowers

NoCupcakesOrCocktails Thu 03-Aug-17 20:23:47

Also totally sympathise on the judging. I'm a paeds nurse and a lot of parents don't think you can understand if you don't have children hmm I very luckily now have a DC from my 3rd cycle but don't think I'm any better at my job because of it! Hope it works for you all

whirlywoo2 Tue 19-Jun-18 21:22:10

I've NC'd for potential outing...

Would love to hear an update from you all, I've just stumbled across this post being a midwife myself also dealing with infertility.
It's a toughy and I have to admit I'm struggling a bit at the minute. I'm also concerned about the obs/gynae crossover and colleagues becoming all too familiar with my bits and pieces, but I know I need to leave those hesitations at the door!

MysteriousSheep Tue 26-Jun-18 09:20:41

I’m a midwife too! Struggling with secondary infertility (have one dc aged 11). Not going down ivf route as can’t really afford it, amongst other reasons. Just posting to say good luck, and have you noticed that loads of your midwifery colleagues struggle to conceive too? Don’t know if it’s to do with shift work or something? I know some of the women I work with asked to be moved to less ‘stressful’ areas whilst undergoing IVF -ie community or the wards instead of labour ward. Also some stopped doing nights. Also took sick time as needed. The management response has been.....variable!

whirlywoo2 Tue 26-Jun-18 20:29:18

@MysteriousSheep Frustratingly I did request to stay in a less stressful area (no nights, better balance) for that reason, however it wasn't even briefly entertained by management. They do understand however that I'll be needing time off for treatment/care (with an added reminder from them about the sickness policy.....) 🙂

Zadocthepriest Tue 26-Jun-18 20:36:54

Just to cheer you up, years ago when I was having my family, not one put two of the community midwives had ivf triplets! Everyone wondered if it was more than just coincidence (identical twins plus sibling in both cases).

Fin3 Sun 16-Dec-18 23:02:57

Hello all,

I'm probably super late on the uptake in this convo however having only just joined this group as am in need of some support with feeling like I don't have many other options in terms of places to turn to. It's all very well talking to friends and family however I feel like they don't truly understand as far as I know they haven't struggled with infertility in the way I have for the past 2 years. I am also a midwife working in an incredibly busy unit on labour ward. I know my journey of TTC isn't as long as others have struggled with but it has felt like an eternity tbh! Had 2 miscarriages last year both in the first trimester then have spent this whole year with no joy. I did 6 months on clomid but unfortunately it just hasn't worked. I'm now on a different ovulation induction drug for 3 months and have been told if I wish to embark on IVF (which the impatient self inside of me wants to get straight to it) then I have to pay. It really is awful enough when you go through this journey but feel as though it's twice as bad when the environment we work in is a constant reminder of what we a going through. Sorry for the essay & thank you for listening/reading.
X

Twiglet2353 Mon 17-Dec-18 18:02:27

@Fin3 it's really difficult isn't it. I wish I knew how to make it easier for us, but I'm still trying to figure it out too.
Since I last posted on here I've actually taken up a core post in the community. I never thought I'd be a CMW but actually it's done wonders for my physical and mental health whilst going through fertility treatment. Having a normal body clock (bar the on calls) is just so much better, and my hormone levels have already started to improve.

I'm currently on my fourth round of clomid (first month of 100mgs as not ovulating yet)x

Twiglet2353 Mon 17-Dec-18 18:04:08

Just realised I say since I've last posted but I've changed my username. I was @whirlywoo2 f

Lauren83 Mon 17-Dec-18 18:36:57

Not a midwife or nurse but I went through fertility treatment and I work in an IVF clinic. Luckily work were great as they were one of the few employers who really understand why I could only give 48 hours notice of when I needed time off and it was great getting lots of extra advice, they also knew why a 30 minute appointment could become a 2 hour one too

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