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Missing out on NHS IVF

(8 Posts)
Brymumnet Wed 12-Jul-17 07:46:36

I am a 39 year old woman who has had two ectopic pregnancies, which left me with one remaining fallopian tube. I spent four years in my last relationship with a partner where the relationship wasn’t really going anywhere due to various problems with my partner and although we wanted children, in hindsight, he wasn’t mature enough to go through the process.

My GP told us that they would refer us to a fertility clinic if he got help with his addiction problems. Alas, he didn’t and we split up last year.
After much consideration, I decided that I would like to have a child on my own and am strong enough to do this. The issue is that my GP is now informing me that my borough in London will only offer me IVF treatment if I am in a partnership with a man who I have been trying to conceive with for twelve months or more. I was previously told that I would be offered 3 free cycles of IVF before the age of forty and one up until the age of 42.

I am currently in a relationship with someone new (for the last seven months) and all is going well except that he is eight years older than me and doesn’t really want children. His attitude is that “well if it happens, we would deal with it” which are not the most encouraging words.
I would like to have a child with him but am not sure how to broach the subject and do not want to push someone into doing something they were not planning to do.

I’m feeling a bit lost with the situation and wondered if anyone could give me some advice? I have eight months until I’m forty and as they say, the clock is most definitely ticking! and I would like to fulfill my dream of being a mother.

Thank you

honeysucklejasmine Wed 12-Jul-17 07:49:09

The relationship you're in doesn't sound like a goer. You obviously want children and he doesn't. He's not going to go through IVF willingly. If you want funded IVF then you'll need a different partner. sad Are you in the position to pay for a round?

Brymumnet Wed 12-Jul-17 08:46:20

Unfortunately I don't think I am in a position to pay for it financially :-(, unless it's a credit card job.

It does seem like such a waste to lose three free cycles...

cherryontopp Wed 12-Jul-17 14:47:33

This is a bit out there but would u ask him to be your donor? Just to go along with it and if he doesn't have to see/provide for the child then he doesn't have to?

Brymumnet Wed 12-Jul-17 16:20:43

Thank you for the last message. I really think it might be worth a shot. It would be nice if he wanted to be involved but it's not essential

cherryontopp Wed 12-Jul-17 19:04:59

Why not? People use all sorts of unconventional ways of having a children. I know a lesbian couple who wanted a child, instead of going through fertility treatments and so on, one of them slept with a random guy on holiday fell pregnant and now they have a daughter. Who cares what other people think.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 12-Jul-17 20:25:59

Tbh sounds like he doesn't want kids so very unlikely to go through all the mental and emotional and physical side of ivf and agree and sign all the paperwork etc

If you really want a child then he is not the man for you

Time Isn't on your side

Sorry if that's harsh 🌷

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 12-Jul-17 20:26:58

ANd nothing wrong with putting on credit card. That's what we did as well as loans as time wasn't on my side either

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