Feel so crap

[ohbigdaddio]

Sorry for the self indulgent title, I'm feeling sorry for myself and have been crying all afternoon. A friend has just announced her (2nd) pregnancy and it has hit me like a ton of bricks. She decided she wanted another child fairly recently and is already expecting. I feel like a bitch for feeling like this but it hurts so much and I feel so jealous and inadequate!

I'm sure this topic comes up over and again but I just feel so alone I needed to hear from anyone feeling the same?

We've been TTC #1 for 16 months, I'm 38 and have never been pregnant. DH has no children to previous relationship and his tests are fine. I've done all the tests - last one was tubes and they are clear. Nothing has come up from all the tests apart from a fibroid which I've been assured is ok. Oh, and apparently my ovaries are 'polycystic-like' but I do not have PCOS. Not sure what this means but the doctor wasn't concerned. We've been told to try for a few more months and then go for IVF. I'll be 39 at the end of year and am terrified about time.

It all feels insanely unfair!

[Emilyxeliza]

It's perfectly acceptable to feel like this sometimes.
Also in a similar situation to you, and I got insanely angry (behind closed doors) about two ladies I know who both accidentally fell pregnant... I still get mad about my situation and have a cry alone, but I don't let it get the better of me. I've been TTC for almost 2 years and never been pregnant either.

I think NICE guidelines are 6months TTC before an obgyn needs to get involved, for ladies over 35. So I would press for the IVF referral

Big hug to you.

[katieferg81]

Joining your club although no recent pregnancy announcements but this is because all my friends have their 2.4 children and have completed their families. I had my infected fallopian tube out Mon which has possibly contributed to our infertility of the last 4 years and I got a peak on CBFM today and yesterday but I've not seen my OH as he has been up early and out late both days working. So I'm home alone post operative feeling about as sexy as cold baked beans but wanting to at least try and DTD but can't because I'm solo and will be sleeping the GA off by the time he gets home. I know practically it probably wouldn't be a good idea this close to surgery and we are still working our way up the IVF list if I can stop eating and shift my last 10lb but since when does rational thought ever come into infertility.
Fingers crossed for you and me and for us both. At least on here you can rant in good company

[ohbigdaddio]

Thank you lovely ladies. I know lots of us feel like this. I think it stings especially as she's a really close friend rather than an acquaintance and she's knows what's going on for me.

She's given me 'advice' (1.Relax 2. Relax 3.You've really got to just relax....argh!!!! ) and even tried to make me feel better saying "you know, just because we have 1 child doesn't mean there's any guarantees that I'll get pregnant again with a 2nd."
And then she did

Fingers crossed for all of us xx

[snowy1982]

I feel exactly like you do every time I hear a pregnancy announcement and then I hate myself for it which makes me feel even worse, its just a vicious cycle. I was away on a hen do earlier in the year and one of the girls on it missed AF and was worrying she might be pregnant, now being a hen do she had had a bit to drink and I think we all assumed she was just overreacting but I still got jealous (AF is never late for me so have never even had that little flutter of thinking I might be pregnant). Came home from the hen do and thought nothing more of it, then a week before the wedding the announcement came. I was actually seething with anger and jealousy (DH had a fight with me about my reaction) for a few days and then the guilt hit because this is girl is older than me and I know after she had her last child she tried really really hard for another and went for IVF etc and it didnt work so her surprise pregnancy was actually a brilliant thing. Rationally I knew all these things, but for the first couple days after hearing the news I just wasn't being rational. Thankfully by the time I came face to face with her I was back to being my normal self and was able to give her my genuine, heartfelt congratulations.

I am 34, TTC for 30 months with no success whatsoever, all tests are clear for me and DH, have had 3 cycles of IUI privately and am no on waiting list for NHS IUI (due to start in August) and NHS IVF (9 month waiting list and was only put on it at end of April) so I think the red hot rage and jealousy is to be expected from time to time

[broodynmoody]

OP I feel for you I really do. The jealousy and envy just comes in waves, Its consuming and can be irrational. I was trying for over a year with my ex when my brother's girlfriend announced she was pregnant with my parents first grandchild after 4 months of going out with him. I lost it.
For nearly 3 years ive been trying with my partner now, ive ranted at every announcement, infollpwed a hell.of a lot of people off Facebook. Dont feel guilty about it,people don't understand not even our DPs of how destroying it is at everyone else getting pregnant so easily.
We've just had our first IVF and I'm now 5 weeks pregnant and with any luck ill be one of those people. It doesnt get easier but don't ever feel guilty for it.

[2014newme]

I'd skip straight to ivf. It's a long process. Took me 4 cycles over 5 years for it to be successful. I wouldn't wait more months
💐
I know how hard it is, I had the same with my friends, it's very traumaticm