This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Infertility insensitive comments. Anyone got a winner?(226 Posts)
Sorry if this has been done before. But I just wanted a thread to talk about the absolutely awful and insensitive comments people suffering with infertility endure on a regular basis.
Anyone experienced this too?
This thread is incredible. I feel vindicated in my decision not to tell anyone now. Least of all colleagues!
We have no mental load, apparently and can just waft around looking after our mental health. Oh and I can walk away from all the things that are currently stressing me.....oh god. Why do I bother? Might be time to take some time off from here.
Just checking in to say I hate the world today. My 18 year old niece is pregnant. Her parents are horrified (as she's in the first year of a law degree). While I just keep thinking how fucking unfair it is.
Correct - the people who do ivf to have one baby (and maybe get lucky and have a second??) are ruining the planet! Oh ffs!! What selfish people who have biological children and criticise others for wanting (needing?) the same! We're biologically programmed to procreate!!!
But I digress.
Hugs to those still living in infertility limbo...
Need a thread with nice and supportive comment now
I agree entirely! There was a horrendous thread that ended today on whether IVF should be funded where an utter arsehole of a poster told people they were selfish for wanting to have biological children and creating new lives when there were children languishing in foster care was morally wrong. Apparently we are also responsible for the over population of the planet. Lovely.
Need a thread with nice and supportive comment now
It was four years ago now, Viletta - an incredibly horrible time but I got through it by hook or by crook - and with incredible support from the uber barrens of MN. to everyone dealing with people's crass insensitivity on top of everything else.
I’ve had all the usual ones
Stop stressing just relax!
It will happen in time!
Which are not said to be hurtful just to try to help I suppose. The only thing that does help is when my mom says it’s just a matter of time, I don’t mind that one it stops me when I’m feeling bitter and angry.
Mil and bils are horrible, had some nasty comments and they don’t even know about our infertility. Mil has told me she doesn’t think I’ll ever have a child and that I wouldn’t cope if I did. 🙄
Bil said in front of whole lot of them that my ohs balls are not working (that one I never got over and haven’t spoke to him properly since)
A friend of mine said she would just give me her eggs hahahaha. No fuckoff.
@BipBippadotta my god, these comments were just awful! I hope you have supportive people around you who will help you get through it.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Oh my God @BipBippadotta that's appalling. You still grew and delivered a baby. There seems to be such a gap in care for parents whose babies have died.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter .
From my otherwise lovely mum: 'having kids doesn't necessarily make you happy. Some people hate their kids.'
Friend after we'd buried our stillborn daughter: 'do you think it was the right thing to do, having a funeral?' Like I had defiled hallowed ground. Clearly I should have just chucked her in the clinical waste bin at the hospital and moved on with my carefree childless life.
Lots of prurient curiosity about what was wrong with me that I had had 6 pregnancies and 0 live births - and total disbelief that I didn't know. Lots of 'if I were in your shoes I'd demand more tests!' Like I was only in this position because of lack of assertiveness poor problem solving skills.
HCP clangers in the aftermath of stillbirth: GP receptionist unsure whether I was allowed to have a 6 week postpartum check when I turned up for it, given that my baby hadn't survived. She was totally prepared to just send me home. I had to plead with her because I wanted my c section scar looked at. She eventually relented and said, 'yes, and I suppose it's still possible you might have postnatal depression' Well yes! Funnily enough having your baby die doesn't do much to enhance your mood.
Oh and re ivf, the "why don't you adopt" comments by people blessesd with multiple children who admit haven't experienced any infertility issues make my blood boil!!
After having lost my daughter at five months when her body was released12 weeks later (delay due to post mortem) I had to arrange a funeral.
After reminding boss I had annual leave the next day and him having grilled me as to what I was doing I said my daughters funeral. His response was "do you not think you're making a bit of a meal out of this" - I was back at work after 5 weeks, three of them were annual leave.
I love this post it's really cheered me up! People have no idea how insensitive they can be, I'm finding TTC with secondary infertility so upsetting I've had a breakdown and had to be put on medication!
Some of the faves I've had, all from friends/family...
"It took my sister 10 years to get pregnant"
"Some couples just aren't compatible"
"Have you tried folic acid?"
"Have you tried downloading an app to track your cycle?"
"Do you put your legs in the air after sex?"
"You just need a night in with a bottle of wine"
"Just relax and don't think about it and it will happen"
And my personal favourites, from a 'friend' who I had helped through a year of struggling TTC who was now pregnant...
"You don't need 2/3 kids anyway, why would you want to get pregnant it's horrendous"
And..... "well if you're finding it this stressful why don't you just go back on the pill and forget about it" 😑😑😑😑
We went through a terrible time trying to have a second dc. After my second miscarriage my uncle turned to me and said ‘oh well, you should have kept your legs together’. Still cannot believe it to this day.
It took us 6 years to have dd, am so glad we did not follow his advice 😡
Love this thread! If I hear one more time- just relax and it will happen- I will lunch this person in the face.
What annoys me is constant suggestions as if we didn't research it: have you tried eating more nuts, have you tried the herbs, have you tried praying on a Virgin Mary/going to Buddhist retreat
@bananafish81 I recognised your name then when it popped up. Thanks so much, got there in the end but never thought I would. Hope you're good
@Lauren83 I'm so sorry for the comments - but just wanted to say congrats on your DS! I followed your journey on FF and am so chuffed to hear this news, you so bloody deserve it after everything you've been through. Hope you are all well
When I was waiting for a D&C after an IVF MMC the receptionist in theatre was talking to me telling me how she had 4 kids and only wanted 2 but couldn't step getting pregnant (this was just after we discuss my situation)
When I had DS a midwife who knew he was from donor eggs came in the night to remove my catheter and commented how long he was and asked how tall his mum was ￼
Friend who was telling me that she was pregnant with her second. "I'm happy I'm pregnant but sort of sad it happened so quickly as well. I wanted us to be bump buddies. Oh well maybe I'll have to have another after this, maybe by then you'll be pregnant and we can be preggers pals!?"
When last cycle failed, DS joked that I had fried eggs.
I'm a vegetarian and my mum (yes mum!) told me that what I need to do to solve 18months UF is to eat some meat and recommended a big juicy burger.
I've got a good one to add today..
My future SIL when she popped round for me to to try on my upcoming bridesmaid dress spotted Folic Acid on the side in the kitchen. I should add she is aware of our infertility journey.
Her: "Ohhhhh Folic Acid.. are you pregnant?"
Me: "No. We are now preparing for IVF"
Her: "Oh good well at least not yet because I need you to fit this dress!"