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Jealousy and sadness whilst infertile...

(13 Posts)
meadowlark3 Wed 07-Jun-17 19:00:54

Having a bit of a wobble today...We have been TTC #1 for 18 months, fell twice in that time with one miscarriage and one ectopic. Baby bombed at work today and it feels like daggers to my heart to hear about other women's scans and shopping and showers. Last week was at a training led by someone who was about 7 months...and every bloody word from her mouth was about her pregnancy (Of course, completely unrelated to the training!) I almost ran to the loo for fear of crying...and similarly felt wretched for being so jealous. She was a beautiful young woman with a radiant glow and perfect bump. I just felt so very sad.

Sorry for the whinge, as I know many other women here have struggled so much longer. Just not sure how to get through the day any longer.


Scottishgirl85 Wed 07-Jun-17 20:45:38

That feeling is utterly horrendous flowers
When I see pregnant ladies I don't know, I imagine to myself that it may have taken them a very long time to get there. It's family /friends that I find the hardest, as in my experience it is nearly always baby exactly 9 month after wedding...
Spoil yourself and take it one day at a time. Did you decide on next steps yet? Sometimes having a plan helps you to focus. Hugs x

JoJoSM2 Thu 08-Jun-17 07:24:26

I seem to be a bit unusual in that I don't experience those feelings much - perhaps an occasional 'I wish it was me'. I think it helps not to compare yourself to others - everyone has a unique life with a unique set of challenges they face. I remind myself of having a balanced view of my life and all the positives in it. Fixating only on the infertility bit makes women miserable.

Macarena1980 Thu 08-Jun-17 09:21:12

Hi, I think it's totally natural to feel like this. I've experienced the same thing many times and while you feel happy for others you are allowed to feel sad for yourself...
Just try to focus on the positives and move on quickly though.

MiriAmmerman Thu 08-Jun-17 09:30:47

I understand - DP and I (both women) are currently ttc DC1 via donor sperm. We've had 6 unsuccessful cycles in 15 months (1 was ectopic, but the others were nothing). We're doing IVF now.

Every time I hear about someone else's pregnancy it feels like being stabbed. It feels like everyone else has it so easy and it's only us who has struggled (I know that isn't the case, but in more self-indulgent moments it feels like it). It doesn't help that, in our immediate circle of friends and family, we are the only couple (gay or straight) that has had fertility problems.

flowers To you OP. Hopefully it will happen for us all, and then we can go back to being charitable grin

broodynmoody Thu 08-Jun-17 11:42:31

Ive been there OP, its horrible. When you can't jave children it just seems everyone else falls pregnant so easily and take thinhs for granted. I stayed off social media, couldn't go anywhere near baby aisles.
Today I was in mother care looking at prams and I felt I didn't belong there. Got my BFP last week after 2 years of TTC via IVF.
Your day will come..are you heading towards IVF?

dollystrumpet Thu 08-Jun-17 11:44:56

No need to aplologise for the wings op. We've all been there and it bloody hurts.

I can only imagine how that training course must have felt. What an insufferably smug woman as wellangry

Right there with you today. Just gotten my period and even though I logically know my body is fucked (I've got POF) it still hurts that it can't just work like it's supposed tosad

flowers to you, me and everybody else wading through this river of bullshit.

user1487941567 Thu 08-Jun-17 11:49:30

I took 3 years to conceive DS2. My friend had two babies in that time, one cycle each time. I had to avoid her because her "advice" was just utterly irrelevant to me and she had zero understanding of any of it. I tried metformin and it worked brilliantly for me so don't give up hope. I don't remember feeling jealous as such, just annoyed that some people couldn't grasp that falling pregnant isn't the easiest thing in the world for everybody. I was surrounded by tactless people though. As JoJoSM2 says, focus on the other bits of your life flowers

IWillCrushYouLikeABug Thu 08-Jun-17 11:50:02

I haven't been on there for years but I used to find the website very good.
They have a forum and it's helpful for when you just feel jealous and bitter and want someone to get it.. It happens.

Oooblimey Thu 08-Jun-17 14:12:51

I sooooooooo get it chick. It's absolutely big massive PANTS!! sad big love to you xxx flowers

meadowlark3 Thu 08-Jun-17 20:19:12

I've just read through all of your messages, many thanks for the kind words of support and flowers I'm so sorry you all have had to experience this, too...though it is reassuring to know I am not alone, even when I feel like a bitter and jealous crone. JoJo, you are lucky to not have these feelings...I feel I don't recognise myself sometimes! Crush, I'll have a look round the FF site, thanks.

As some of you said, one of the hardest bits seems to be how easy it is for so many others. Miri, all of my friends got upduffed in the first month or two (a couple of honeymoon babies, even!) or with multiple unplanned (but loved) kids. DH also comes from a family of perfectly spaced superfertiles so we really feel like quite the anomaly.

We had our second BFP just as we were due to start IVF, but it was ectopic which was so, so gutting. We will likely go back to IVF in a month or two once I've had a couple of periods, but I'm torn between being terrified of getting pregnant again and wishing desperately for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby in my arms, but our failures thus far make it almost too painful to imagine.

Broody and user congrats on your successes! I hope we can all join you one day.

dolly POF is wretched...what are your next steps?

Scottish, I've dropped off of the June thread...I think you may have you already begun? How are you getting on?

xx and flowers to you lovely lot

Scottishgirl85 Thu 08-Jun-17 21:09:35

My advice would be to not look too far ahead. So think about when you'll get back on the ivf journey, then when you reach that stage focus on the injections, then focus on the egg collection etc. That way it seems like a lot of small steps that are each achievable, rather than looking way ahead to the later stages where you'll understandably be nervous about loses etc. It's so tough but please know you're not alone and we're here when you need to vent.
Yes time has flown and I'm in the 2ww of my ivf cycle...

meadowlark3 Sat 10-Jun-17 10:28:10

Thank you Scottish, that is good advice and kind support.

Thrilled to know that you're in your TWW! When is your test day, and how are you feeling? I've got everything crossed for you!

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