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Does anyone else feel even shitter after reading fertility books?

(41 Posts)
Isthismummy Tue 23-May-17 14:25:45

Bought a copy of The Fertile Female by Julia Indichova.

Whilst I'm sure it's a wonderful book it's done nothing but make me feel even worse about myself. I think it's all the "eat no sugar, live off beans" advice that does it. Quite frankly living with infertility is so fucking painful that the only thing that makes it bearable is chocolate and booze! Then I beat myself up for not being as saintly as I should be.

It all just seems to hard and pointless though☹️

Can anyone relate, or am I just not a very committed infertile? Is my inability to live a 100% healthy diet the only thing standing between me and motherhood? You'd seem to think so reading this book!

BiggerBoatNeeded Tue 23-May-17 14:31:53

You're definitely not alone. It's pretty unachievable in the long term (have been doing this for years now, would have had a bloody dull life if followed all their suggestions!) and more importantly for me I really feel it shifts the 'blame' for infertility onto us. In my logical moments I know that's not true, but I've been feeling bad about this for ages now and so much 'advice' seems to suggest that if only we tried hard enough we'd get there. So we who aren't there aren't trying hard enough hmm

ZiggyForever Tue 23-May-17 14:36:51

My diet isn't great, although I take a multivitamin and get a decent amount of exercise from outdoors hobbies. My infertility issue is lack of eggs (premature ovarian failure) and I very much doubt quitting sugar will suddenly endow me with luscious, healthy, ripe eggs ready for the fertilising.

So sod it, I'm eating the damn Mars bar.

Isthismummy Tue 23-May-17 14:57:19

I don't think you're being illogical biggerboatneeded I also feel that these books do lay the blame at our feet (even if they don't mean to do so)

I'm really not convinced by the whole diet and fertility thing tbh. Who is to say the people who DO eventually get pregnant wouldn't have anyway? Plus I've just walked past three different women on the high street all pushing prams whilst scoffing Big Macs and frieshmm

Ziggyforever I have POF too. There's nowt quite like feeling like an old woman 15 years ahead of your time is there? Have that mars bar and have one for me too. We both probably need it.

Interestingly I spent the five months leading up to my NHS ivf cycle eating mega healthily, bankrupting myself on ubiquinol and dhea, the full works. My reward? My fsh rocketed from 6 to 45 in that timeframe and they cancelled my treatment permanently. Healthy eating definitely worked for mehmm

Veinarde Tue 23-May-17 15:02:11

I tossed 'Is Your Body Baby-Friendly' book straight into the trash. Was the most depressive read ever. Now I'm staying away from all those book, just using common sense.

Isthismummy Tue 23-May-17 15:06:53

I've missed that one Veinarde were there any particular pearls of wisdom we should know about?grin

My other bug bear is 'It starts with the egg' There's some interesting stuff in it granted, but telling us to avoid plastic in the year 2017? Plus I live in London, so I'm breathing in deadly toxins everyday anyway.

Plus I tried switching all my products to organic and then realised I couldn't afford to feed myself as well. So expensive!

BiggerBoatNeeded Tue 23-May-17 15:11:00

I have 'It starts with an egg'on my kindle and I don't know how to delete the bloody thing from my library. Wish I could toss it out smile

Isthismummy Tue 23-May-17 15:16:35

Is that kindle made of plastic though biggerboatneeded? Tsk tsk if sowink

Isthismummy Tue 23-May-17 15:18:02

My copy is in book form. I was actually thinking of just giving all my infertility/IVF/ Kale is the secret to motherhood books to the charity shop. I feel like it would be admitting defeat though!

BiggerBoatNeeded Tue 23-May-17 15:40:25

Do it! Let's rise up and throw off the shackles of the vitamin supplementing, plastic rejecting, carb killing overlords. Or something grin

Isthismummy Tue 23-May-17 15:50:58

Let's overcome the tyranny. I've had enough of sourcing micronised dhea and eyeballing my Tupperware suspiciouslygrin

BiggerBoatNeeded Tue 23-May-17 16:50:50

I'm already eating quavers in solidarity - bring on the carbs!

Persipan Tue 23-May-17 19:46:53

For my first round of ivf I basically lived off cake. Got to transfer, but no joy ultimately.

For my second round I was so good. No carbs. Tons of protein. Supplements. The whole shebang. And... I completely failed to respond to the max dose of stims and got cancelled. Bollocks to that!

JoJoSM2 Tue 23-May-17 22:10:51

My experience has been different so far... The world isn't black and white and it isn't a case on either being 'perfect' or scoffing chocolate and boozing. I've introduced the changes to my diet and lifestyle as much as possible and I'm very happy with it. I've got a few compliments on my glowy skin, my cellulite is 95% gone. I'm also a lot fitter - my 5k went down by 2mins within the first 3 weeks. I am not perfect but I've put in a lot of improvements: I've replaced my water bottle, I've gone eco for cleaning products needing replacement and my diet is mostly on track: 8 of my 5 a day, healthy fats, lots of protein, wholegrains, beans etc. Having said that, I did have a burger and a pint of cider at a barbecue on Saturday and I'll have a chocolate bar and a couple of biscuits every week. My husband has been on board with all the improvements too. We feel they are sustainable and make us feel great to we intend to carry on with all the stuff regardless of what happens on the infertility front.

BiggerBoatNeeded Tue 23-May-17 22:20:27

I guess we all deal with these things differently hey.

NoImBridgetJones Tue 23-May-17 22:36:06

I'm having this problem too. Recently bought three books including It Starts With The Egg. Thought I could be all cool and casual about it but find it massively anxiety inducing. I've lost hours this week trying to find new makeup products, have virtual shopping baskets full of new cleaning products, trying to find places to buy bpa-free organic beans because even the dry ones you soak yourself are sold in plastic. As id EVERYTHING else. It's bullshit and yes I also feel the enormous responsibility? of this on my shoulders, that if I just tried hard enough then my chances will improve. But when my sofas and carpets are supposedly poisoning me and killing my eggs too... It's overwhelming. Have a counselling appointment in a few weeks, hoping to find a way to 'cool and casual' but good to know I'm not the one feeling like this. Thanks for the thread, organic pesticide free flowers in no paraben, no phthalate wrap for all.

Isthismummy Wed 24-May-17 07:21:13

jojoSM2 I'm glad that you are managing changes that benefit. I'm not suggesting that these books don't contain some useful advice. More that their insistence of completely overhauling your life is unsustainable and potentially mentally damaging when you are already on rock bottom, full of fear and despair. I read them and the overriding message I get is "try harder"hmm

I've made changes myself. More water (out of my new, BPA free water bottle, more fruit and veg (when I remember!) totally slashed my alcohol intake. I already exercised regularly and veggie so few processed foods. However I still feel quilty, like I'm not doing enough and that I lack commitment every time a chocolate passes my lips!

NolmBridgetJones So sorry you're feeling so stressed out with it all. I can totally relate to the ISWTE anxiety. Like you say every single bloody thing is wrapped in plastic, so how the hell can you reasonably avoid it? I'm typing this message of. Plastic covered iPhone ffs!

I hope your counsellor helps you to find some useful coping strategies. My advice would also be to just eat the Heinz beans. You can always get some in the cardboard cartons for extra peace of mindsmile

Isthismummy Wed 24-May-17 07:22:32

On a plastic covered iphone even. You can tell it's earlygrin

JoJoSM2 Wed 24-May-17 12:42:34

Isthismummy, you're doing really well then smile Give yourself a pat on the back. I hope you can deal with feeling guilty.

Also, I'm actually cycling with Zita West - we both got a pat on the back from them too. And it was their own nutritionist who told us that people who want to be perfect in their IVF prep end up being the most miserable... She advised us to try our best in a realistic way.

On the BPA front - I think the most likely culprits are plastics with recycling codes 3,6 and 7 so perhaps try to minimise using those. Otherwise, my fatty, organic milk comes in a plastic bottle too smile

Sillysausages007 Wed 24-May-17 19:38:56

I think peace of mind has a lot to do with how you cope with the IF treadmill. I finally got pg after 8 years of TTC - cut down on alcohol (but didn't cut it out - no chance!!!), cut down on crisps - that's about it. DD is now at school.

IME a lot of fertility books offer the earth, and fail to acknowledge that we are all human and have to try to lead a normal life, plastics and all. If I had done everything the hospital nutritionist suggested I would, in all probability, have ended up in a strait jacket, frothing at the mouth (and desperate for a drink).

Hugs to you all. BPA fuelled or not, you're all doing brilliantly!

Isthismummy Thu 25-May-17 17:03:41

Sadly JojoSM2 it's all unlikely to work as I have POF and been told egg donation is my only likely option. There's a part of me that tries anyway cos I guess you never quite know!

Sillysausages007 So pleased you got there in the endsmile I feel a lot of these books promise the earth as well. I REALLY object to the ones like 'The Fertile Female' which go on about the mind being the key, positive thinking etc. I'm not sure I can positively think myself out of having no eggs lefthmm

physicskate Fri 26-May-17 19:22:06

My water bottle says 7 and bpa free on the bottom! Is suspect it's fraud!! But it's adorable because it has a periodic table on it!!!

Sod it. I'm eating pizza... and having a beer!

icy121 Sat 27-May-17 22:41:40

Crack addicts and the morbidly obese get pregnant. Fuck all to do with plastic. If you're subfertile, you're subfertile, I'm afraid.

Isthismummy Sat 27-May-17 22:57:07

Amen to that icy121

I've seen so many unhealthy looking people pushing buggies in the sunshine today. I don't think they drank from bpa free bottles to get therehmm

Fishface199 Sat 27-May-17 23:17:01

I sometimes wonder do a few women who have a baby against the odds, like the aforementioned author start peddling such things such as "visualisation techniques" to get pregnant, when in reality they just got very very damn lucky??

Is a bit like winning the lottery and claiming it was because you spent the previous 2 weeks eating nothing but Birds Eye potato waffles and doing 50 hand stands every day?

But I am just a cynical old bag.

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