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(26 Posts)
Fiestylittleowl Sat 13-May-17 21:33:25

Hi I'm new to this board and looking for some support as only my best friend knows we are struggling to conceive and she is currently pregnant so I am finding it very difficult to talk to her about it.
I'm 32 and been ttc for 18 months and so far nothing.
I know it sounds silly but I always had it in the back of my mind that I might struggle to have a baby.
I've had an ultrasound which came back clear and day 21 bloods which showed that I am ovulating. I'm going to see a gynaecologist in a few weeks as I have been having spotting in between my periods and I have been referred for more fertility tests but need to wait for my dh to have a sperm analysis first.

So there we are. As I have already said I have only told my best friend that we are struggling. People keep asking me when I'm going to have a baby and I keep shrugging it off but it's so hard and it's really getting me down.

Hoping I can open my heart to you guys on here to try and help me get it all off my chest smile

Fishface199 Sat 13-May-17 22:48:23

Why at 32 you are a mere whippersnapper! You are young and have time on your side so don't panic!

You are doing the right thing having investigations and IF there is an issue you are young enough to have that dealt with! Fertility treatments work best with those under 35 so even if you need them you will still have a good chance of them working (IF you do need them) . Wait for those results and discuss the best way forward.

Good luck!

Jenson81 Sat 13-May-17 23:36:33

Hi I'm new also! 😊

I've stumbled across this blog and so far it's already helping. I also clam up when people ask (and EVERYONE asks!) about babies and when etc. I wish people would just not ask but I know they mean no harm. And my favourite "it's about time now yous had your baby" 😡

Anyway, we are both learning allot as we go.... recently I was advised about taking starflower oil which is what lead me here. I'm going to try it. I'm also spotting a week before periods so think something is happening but I need a kickstart of hormones being balanced maybe. Have been to doc had bloods done all good to go they said .... hubby had too all good to go. But if it doesn't happen within the next 2 attempts, we will go back
To the fertility clinic/doctor. Have only done the ovulation kit once and tried properly for first time a week ago .... before that we were only guessing.... I am 36 and we have been trying on and off for about a year .... also I've been off the pill for around 10 years! Have been told because of this I might need hormone rebalancing!? It's all so new to me! Nobody I know very personally has been through this in the same way.

I do realise people are only trying to help, but I just get such anxiety when physically talking about it! Writing is allot easier! 🤗

Anyway, best of luck with everything!

Filipinam Sun 14-May-17 12:38:04

Hi Fiestylittleowl! OMG this is actually my story as well. I hate it when people ask me about having kids. It is so frustrating as this is my number one goal at the moment. I am 34 started trying a while ago but as you also said I have always had that thought that I might be struggling with getting pregnant, not sure why but I have always felt that way and I was right! Anyway I am after my first initial appointment at fertility clinic the doctor was supper understanding and approachable, my hubby needs to do his sperm test again and I need to do HSG and an ultrasound again. Provided everything is still ok I will be then prescribed Clomid. My DR said that her ladies usually get pregnant after 3rd round of Clomid so that made me smile ;-) Also I have low progesterone hence I do not ovulate on a regular basis which is the reason why I am not pregnant yet. I also have spotting between periods hence I will have one more ultrasound to determine the cause of it. I have no option but stay positive although I do have moments when my I suddenly feel tears coming to my eyes especially when I ask myself why me. I guess there is no answer to that. I am a Catholic and when people say when I will have kids I just smile and say' when God lets me have them' this usually shuts peoples mouths;-) good luck Ladies!

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Fiestylittleowl Sun 14-May-17 20:04:27

Thanks for everyone's messages.
Just found out a family member is pregnant. Trying to be happy for them but it is so unfair sad

JoJoSM2 Sun 14-May-17 20:14:00

Owl, don't compare yourself too much or you'll go mad ;) One of my best friends has just announced her pregnancy too. My sister has 2 fantastic DC that were both conceived in the first cycle that she tried... There are also more babies due amongst family and friends this year... I do get jealous but try really heard not to compare myself or feel hard done by - everyone has their own struggles in life...

I do dread being asked about having children, though... What do you girls tend to answer? I usually go for 'maybe'.

Fiestylittleowl Sun 14-May-17 20:31:13

I know you shouldn't compare but it's really difficult. 4 of us got married within months of each other at work and I am the only one who has not had a baby. I get asked most weeks when am I going to have one. I just laugh it off but inside my heart drops.
I know I should be greatful for all the good things in my life but all I want is a baby

JoJoSM2 Sun 14-May-17 20:45:35

Hopefully, it won't be long now that you've started the ball rolling. We had our tests back in February and we're going to have our first IVF in July.

18mnthsandcounting Sun 14-May-17 20:56:11

Hi guys I am new to this too, has anybody been on clomid?

Filipinam Mon 15-May-17 11:04:51

I will be on it once I have had 2 more tests.

JoJoSM2 Mon 15-May-17 14:40:40

No experience of Clomid here.

Littlepigrosie Tue 16-May-17 22:12:54

Hi all.
I'm a newbie too. I totally feel you feistylittleowl. Two friends, both of whom have struggled with fertility problems, have just told me they are pregnant for the second and third time. We have been trying for 2 years and have got nowhere. I have always had irregular periods and, same as you, just knew it would be a problem someday. I have had to come off social media because so many friends have babies and even though I love them all, I can't cope with seeing that perfect little window into their lives when it is everything I want. Decorating the nursery and late night feeds and cute swaddling wraps is all I can ever think of. My arms ache to hold a child of my own.
People ask me all the time too when we will have a baby. Or worse, parents tell me why it's so awful to have kids and to be content without them. I haven't told people we are trying so I know they don't realise how insensitive they are being, but still, it's hard to keep pretending.
But then I don't know about you, but I can't help being so insensitive to myself. I have read so much material on pregnancy and baby care. I have researched the best cribs, car seats and high chairs. And if I'm feeling really reckless, I'll go round the JohnLewis baby section and imagine what I would buy if I had a little one. Then I just get super depressed about it all! Crazy I know! smile
We have just started down the doctors route who have cleared my ovaries, blood tests, general health and my husbands sperm count. Here's hoping that it's a short journey from here.
Thanks for posting. It's really nice to know we are not alone even though it feels that way sometimes.
X

Fiestylittleowl Wed 17-May-17 21:33:51

It's so nice to hear from others going through the same thing as me. I haven't let myself think about the actual reality of having a baby as I don't want to upset myself but I do think about being pregnant.
I have a friend who constantly moans about how tired she is and how much hard work her kids are. I would give anything for that. She doesn't know how lucky she is.

Got my appointment at the gynaecologist next week. Think once that is done I'm going to have to tell my mum. I have not told her anything because I know she will be massively supportive but I don't want to upset her. All she had ever wanted is to be a grandmother.

Fiestylittleowl Sun 28-May-17 10:55:57

So it's happened. My mum asked me when we were thinking of having a baby. I told her we were trying and didn't elaborate or say we have already been trying for 18 months. She seemed to get all excited and started talking about when she found out she was pregnant with me etc. I didn't have the heart to tell her we are waiting for fertility tests. My god this sucks.

ForeverHopeful21 Mon 29-May-17 10:29:11

It's so difficult not to compare yourself to others when they have the thing that you want more than anything.
I'm 32 as well, and although aware that this is by no means old, it doesn't mean that it's not frustrating and worrying if you've been trying for some time.

I've just passed our 3rd year of TTC sad and like you, hate that people ask when are we going to have a baby! I had a MC in March which some of the family found out about, so that's actually kept them off my back. But my clients at work ask me constantly! I'm getting to the point where I'm finding it increasingly difficult saying "children aren't on our radar just yet" and quickly changing the subject. Think I might just blurt it out one day and see what happens haha x

Londonjam Mon 29-May-17 10:39:59

Hi girls, very similar story over here. We've been trying for 18 months with no success. I'm finding it really, really hard.

We've had all the tests. Mine all fine and my cycles are like clockwork, no problems there. I have some cysts on my right ovary but no PCOS as I ovulate normally. I've had a HSG too and my tubes are clear.

DH had low morphology on his first few tests , started taking Proxeed and his levels came up to normal. I still think this could be causing us issues, but the consultant says his results are completely normal and the kind of numbers he sees all the time. Hmm.

I've recently bought clomid from the oxford online pharmacy and started it this cycle - only 25g. Our consultant wouldn't prescribe it as I already ovulate, but I've read it can help women who ovulate on their own too. I'm only on day 4 of it and feel okay - some hot flushes, some mood swings and a bit of an upset tummy but generally okay. 25g is a really low dose.

Will see how it goes! We are also now on the NHS waiting list for IVF - got 5 months to wait for that to start...

Fiestylittleowl Mon 29-May-17 14:53:43

One of my employees had a very early miscarriage after falling pregnant in her month of trying recently. She was obviously devastated and had the week off work and I was very sympathetic but inside I couldn't help but think "hey at least you got pregnant". I know that sounds awful writing it down but is how I felt.

ForeverHopeful21 Mon 29-May-17 15:17:57

I couldn't help but think "hey at least you got pregnant"

As someone who has had a miscarriage, I won't lie, this is really hard to read. But at the same time, I can kind of understand how you could feel like that.

Just because you get pregnant and have a miscarriage does not make anything easier, trust me. I have no idea if I will ever get pregnant again. I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on worst enemy because it is truly horrific.
I often wish I could go back to a time where I had never been pregnant. Yes TTC and not getting pregnant is frustrating, worrying, deflating etc etc. But this honestly doesn't compare to losing a baby.
Sorry you're feeling this way x

Sillysausages007 Mon 29-May-17 16:42:07

We were TTC for 8 years (!) before we got our one and only +ve pg test - DD is now upstairs playing on the Ipad!!!!!

I had all sorts of crass comments over the years - the one that stuck in my head was "Are you sure you're doing "it" properly?". I kid not. Words failed me.

We only told parents and a few friends after several years of TTC. Mostly I came up with "you can't miss what you don't have", not that I ever believed it. Even now, years on, I can't feel unadulterated joy when I hear of someone else having a baby, because I don't think you ever get over the pain you feel when you are TTC. No pearls of wisdom, but you are definitely not alone, and I hope with all my heart that you all get the news you hope for. Hugs!

JoJoSM2 Mon 29-May-17 17:24:47

Owl and Forever, I'm guilty too... Feeling that people who have had that bfp are somewhat lucky even if it didn't stick. I do realise that a MC must be horrendous but struggle to fully empathise sad

Londonjam, you've given me hope. DH had morphology of 0% in Feb. He's been trying very hard to stay super healthy and has taken his supplements religiously. His next SA is next week and I'm really, really hoping me wishing it comes back as at least 1%...

Fiestylittleowl Mon 29-May-17 17:52:38

I know it sounds awful but that's how I feel. I do feel sad for her and have been supportive.

Isthismummy Mon 29-May-17 18:00:25

sillysausages007 your doing it properly comment reminded me of the time my dm asked if we had thought about trying a turkey bastershock

I had to gently point out that the act itself wasn't the problem we were facingsmile

Londonjam Mon 29-May-17 18:36:25

The thing is the point in getting pregnant, in all of this, is to have a baby. Its not to be pregnant for the sake of it. In 18 months of trying I've never had a single BFP and there's a part of me that would have liked to have seen one positive pregnancy test, even if it hadn't worked out, just to know my body can do it. It means a sperm has met an egg and implanted. At the moment I don't know if that will ever happen naturally for us.

On the other hand the thought of having a miscarriage terrifies me. I know I would be deliriously happy if I got a BFP and to then have it come crashing back down to earth and lose it would be unbearable.

Jojo what supplements is your oh taking? My DH had morphology readings of 2%, then 1% then after 4 months of Proxeed 4%. I really think it's made a big difference. His count is very high anyway but it also improved his motility to 77%!

JoJoSM2 Tue 30-May-17 02:38:38

Isthismummy, how do you use a turkey baster? hmm

Londonjam, DH is taking Profertil, which was recommended by the doctor. Following nutritionist's recommendation, he's been taking Pycnogenol and eating a diet rich in lycopenes + drinking pomegranate juice. However, he is naturally healthy anyway. Similarly to your DH, the morphology is an isolated issue as his count was ok (160m) and motility excellent (78%) to start off with...

Isthismummy Tue 30-May-17 07:01:23

I assume you're supposed to put you're supposed to put your other halfs goods into it and inseminate
yourself Jojo? My dm wasn't explicit on the detailsgrin

Turkey baster baby used to be a bit of an expression at one point I think?

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