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Coping with a MMC after IVF

(19 Posts)
bluebell19 Sun 07-May-17 11:13:18

Just looking for anyone who might have been through the same as me. After ttc for 3 years and a failed fresh cycle last year, I finally got my first bfp in March after a frozen cycle. Everything seemed to be going well, scan at 7 weeks with a good heartbeat, no bleeding or anything to indicate anything was wrong but at my 12 week scan last week we discovered that the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. We're completely devastated at the thought of having to start all over again when we were so close to our dream.

If anyone else has picked themselves back up and gone on to get pregnant again after a similar experience then I'd love to hear from you. I just feel so low at the thought of starting all over again and need to hear from others who understand how awful this is.

bob1985 Sun 07-May-17 14:51:23

Oh bluebell, i am so sorry. Big hugs.

I had a failed fresh transfer in august last year. And then got my first bfp from a frozen in Nov, heart beat seen at 7 weeks but sadly lost the baby a week later after a bleed.

I got pregnant again from my other frozen at the end of March but we have just had our 7 weeks scan and doctors couldn't find a clear heartbeat, back on Wednesday to confirm if the worst has happened.

It's horrible I just wanted to share my story so you know you are not alone. flowers

bluebell19 Sun 07-May-17 17:01:45

Thanks so much for replying bob and I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have my fingers crossed for you that the scan on Wednesday brings good news.

It really is horrible isn't it? I just felt like after 3 years not conceiving, we had finally got there, only to be hit with this. It just feels desperately unfair to have to go back to the beginning and start all this all over again. I'm hoping this will get easier, I know it will, it just feels like the disappointment will never end.

Best wishes for Wednesday, I'll be thinking of you flowers

bob1985 Sun 07-May-17 17:06:43

Thank you flowers

It is so cruel. You get that little bit of hope and think it's finally your turn. We will be back to the start as well if it's bad news, feel exhausted even thinking about it.

Take good care of yourself. Don't force/rush to feel 'better', it's taken me a little while to understand it's ok to be upset and even angry.

Will be thinking of you too.

AgainPlease Sun 07-May-17 17:40:32

Hi bluebell I hope I can offer some hope after my shitty story below:

TTC for 2 years, all tests under the sun and turns out we had unexplained infertility, nothing wrong with either of us!

Not eligible for treatment on the NHS so we started private treatment...

1st Fresh cycle resulted in BFP. I went in to labour at 20 weeks and gave birth to my beautiful son who was born alive but died 3 minutes later as too small to survive. I can't even write in words our devastation at burying our tiny baby. We later found out it was all preventable as the hospital missed some key problems in my pregnancy.l even though I presented myself to A&E TWICE the week before going in to labour.

1st FET: failed cycle and no embryos left

2nd fresh cycle: BFP resulting in mmc complete at 9 weeks. Lots of tears and heartache

2nd FET: BFP and saw a heartbeat today at 6 weeks. So early days.

Failure sucks but you've just got to keep going. Mc/mmc after IVF is so much worse than mc after a natural pregnancy as many couples can just try again and get lucky after a few months. Stay away from the miscarriage board, I didn't find it useful at all as women haven't gone through the pain of infertility and can't relate.

AgainPlease Sun 07-May-17 17:42:02

Sorry to read your story bob flowers

bob1985 Sun 07-May-17 18:23:08

Thank you Again.

Your story brought a tear to my eye. Huge hugs and I will keep everything crossed for you 🎉

bluebell19 Sun 07-May-17 19:52:32

Oh I'm so sorry to hear your story, I can't even begin to imagine how painful that was at 20 weeks. Thank you so much for sharing, of course I wouldn't wish this on anyone but it helps to know that others are going through it and have come out the other side. I wish you all the luck in the world this time, you deserve it.

Thanks for the advice about the miscarriage board. Obviously a miscarriage is hideous for anyone but I do agree with you, part of the pain for me is knowing that I have to put myself through months of planning, injections and expense all over again. And even then it might not work.

Best of luck to you both. I hope there is a happy ending for all of us.

bluebell19 Wed 10-May-17 08:32:58

Thinking of you today Bob flowers

bob1985 Wed 10-May-17 09:51:44

Thank you bluebell. Appointment is 11.20.

FlipperSkipper Wed 10-May-17 10:24:42

The same thing happened to me. I was thrilled to be pregnant after our first ivf and at our first scan there was nothing there. I even got asked if I was sure if got a positive test! I had 2 re scans and eventually had an ERPC. It was horrid. We picked ourselves up and had 2 FET cycles, both of which failed. We took a little break, moved clinics and did another fresh cycle. I got pregnant but started bleeding the morning of my 7 week scan, by the time we got to the scan there was nothing there. We nearly quit, but decided we'd give out 2 frozen embryos a go. I had tests in the recurrent miscarriage clinic and they found no reason for the losses. Did a natural FET and got pregnant. Was so anxious but had early scans through the recurrent miscariage clinic abs we saw a heartbeat. I was so anxious all the way up to 24 weeks, but that frozen embryo is 15 weeks old tomorrow and asleep on me. It's been a long hard journey for us and we've really had to dig deep to keep going. I won't say don't quit, but time is a healer and gives you strength to try again.

FlipperSkipper Wed 10-May-17 10:25:36

bob big hugs to you too today.

bob1985 Wed 10-May-17 15:00:05

Well not good news I'm afraid. No HB seen again which confirms the MMC. Feeling a bit numb right now. Have opted to 'wait and see' if I miscarry naturally before any medical/surgical help. Odd feeling of at least knowing we are not in limbo and can start planning next cycle.

Flipper thank you for your kinds words. So happy you have your little one. Gives me that encouragement to keep going.

AgainPlease Wed 10-May-17 16:09:51

So sorry to hear that bob. I found the thread "multiple failures, a place to chat" on the infertility board really helpful and lots of lovely ladies on there that are all childless but keep on going.

It's nice to hear a happy ending flipper smile

FlipperSkipper Wed 10-May-17 16:50:43

I'm so sorry bob, be kind to yourself and I hope it's over quickly for you.

I'm glad my story helped, positive stories didn't always help me, but you can see we've been through a lot to get here.

bob1985 Wed 10-May-17 17:01:21

Thanks all flowers

bluebell19 Wed 10-May-17 17:18:44

Oh I'm so sorry Bob. As the others have said, be kind to yourself and take some time to look after yourself. I hope it is as painless as possible flowers

Thanks for sharing Flipper - it certainly gives me hope to hear that you got there in the end. I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for the rest of us too smile

tigerdog Thu 11-May-17 07:54:53

I'm so sorry for your lossesflowers

I'm also in the same boat. Four years ttc and finally got pregnant last October following a FET. This was my third transfer (previously had a CP and a bfn). Had a couple of scans and all seemed well - heartbeat strong and everything as it should be. Then discovered at 11 weeks that the baby had stopped growing around 10 weeks.

I was devastated. Totally heartbroken. Drank my way through a miserable Christmas, socialised with a smile plastered on my face whilst dying inside.

Then - total surprise - I got pregnant naturally in January. Sadly that also was not to be and I miscarried again at 9 weeks. Another mmc but I had loads of bleeding earlier on. No miracle baby for me. Has given us some hope that we can conceive without intervention though.

It's been awful but we're just about coping. My due date, 22 June, is looming. I'm also dreading my birthday. Oh and my best friend and SIL are both pregnant.

About to spend £3k on immune testing and then think about more IVF.

Sorry not to offer more hope and positivity, I really hope you get your happy ending!

Sprogletsmuvva Thu 11-May-17 20:32:54

Blimey, some of these really are heart-rending.flowers

We started ttc in my late 30s, found I had fibroids and got that sorted. Decided to go for IVF with PGS at 40 - no infertility diagnosis, but didn't want to do natural/transfer with high risk of chromosomal abnormalities.

It took 5 months and 3 rounds of stimson/collection to get enough embryos to test. Only one was normal. It was also a good, hatching blasto by the time it went in. We were pretty optimistic when we got the bfp- after all, in the absence of obvious health issues, genetic problems are the usual reason for mc, and we'd bypassed that.

Then my DP rang me at work to say he'd had a call from the cons' office - that the HCG wasn't rising and we should prepare for the worst. Cons didn't prepare me for the possibility of a MMC - said it would all end with a heavy bleed. Well, it didn't, and for 2 weeks I had a faint hope that the embryo had survived after all, before checking in with Dr Google. Just over 6 months from start of IVF to ERPC.

Our story did ultimately end happily, though. For various reasons, I lost confidence in my cons after the above, and we changed clinic. Halfway through another stretch of banking-for-PGS, someone mentioned immunes - and sure enough, I turned out to have thrombophilia and raised nk cells. 5 months of banked cycles at the new clinic resulted in bfn; but I persuaded my cons to prescribe me the thrombo/immunes drugs for a natural try pending getting back on the IVF horse. While obviously nervous at a bfp given 1) my history and 2) being 41, things were mostly uneventful after that, and DD is now sleeping next to me.

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