Sorry for following long rambling post, zippy + wine = bad!!
Yesyesyes I've been there. Brain completely absorbed by infertility for years at the expense of all else. I couldn't read or take pleasure in anything. Its been a bad few years for us full of death, infertility, surgery, botched surgery, failed ivfs. We are just now starting to come to terms with the fact that we may be forever barren. Sometimes I wish I could comfort or advise or even just hug myself a year or two ago as DH and I had no one else..
We had a number of occasions when we were told very bad news with regards to our chances. Each time I actually physically felt like I was freefalling from a great height. Seriously, like walking out of an aeroplane. For days on end. Whilst having to carry on - work, meet people, pretend all was normal. Beyond horrendous. I wish I could hug myself then and say you are amazing, this is the hardest thing that most people have to face and you are surviving and you will get through this.
For me infertility is definitely very similar to grief. Except its worse as grief has a definite timeline, infertility just goes on and on, there is always hope no matter how small, you can never put it to bed. The stress of infertility is known to be at least as bad if not worse than some life threatening illnesses. And yet we all have to keep it private, there's no support, and if you tell anyone they immediately say something very insensitive like 'be positive :)' Cause that will help. yeah.
I guess what I want to say is I feel I am coming out the other side. I have a new job - surprisingly I love it. I thought I had long ago lost all joy in my profession. I have had a hell of a time recently with some noninfertility related awful personal stuff. Its been all absorbing, and horrendously every time I see a little break in the clouds I suddenly remember we are barren like a crushing weight. But its getting less and less.
There are many ways to become a parent. It may not be what you first thought, but my friends who are donor egg parents or parents of adoptive children are no less happy than those who had children easily. In fact they are probably more grateful for what they have.
DH and I finished our 4th round of ivf with a crazy joint euphoria. We just felt if we can survive this...... I count my blessings every day that this hasn't destroyed our relationship as it has so many.
We are not looking at donor or adoption at the minute. we are just having a LONNNNG break. And fucking hell do I need it. I feel a little more whole every month.
And worse case scenario. You get to be DINKis (double income no kids). Its every parents dream!!
Sorry for my rambly post. What I actually wanted to say was that i read something on another thread that suggested people had to choose between a simple medical condition and permanent infertility. It helped me see how my non infertlile self would see our predicament. we would have chosen anything other than this. And so we did - no caffeine/alcohol/money/personal space/holidays/life etc etc etc. Stand tall. We are the barren army. Yesyesyes I've been there. Brain completely absorbed by infertility for years at the expense of all else. I couldn't read or take pleasure in anything. Its been a bad few years for us full of death, infertility, surgery, botched surgery, failed ivfs. We are just now starting to come to terms with the fact that we may be forever barren. Sometimes I wish I could comfort or advise or even just hug myself a year or two ago as me and DH had no one else..
We had a number of occasions when we were told very bad news with regards to our chances. Each time I actually physically felt like I was freefalling from a great height. Seriously, like walking out of an aeroplane. For days on end. Whilst having to carry on - work, meet people, pretend all was normal. Beyond horrendous. I wish I could hug myself then and say you are amazing, this is the hardest thing that most people have to face and you are surviving and you will get through this.
For me infertility is definitely very similar to grief. Except its worse as grief has a definite timeline, infertility just goes on and on, there is always hope no matter how small, you can never put it to bed. The stress of infertility is known to be at least as bad if not worse than some life threatening illnesses. And yet we all have to keep it private, theres no support, and if you tell anyone they immediately say something very insensitive like 'be positive :)' Cause that will help. yeah.
I guess what I want to say is I feel I am coming out the other side. I have a new job - surprisingly I love it. I thought I had long ago lost all joy in my profession. I have had a hell of a time recently with some noninfertility related awful personal stuff. Its been all absorbing, and horrendously every time I see a little break in the clouds I suddenly remember we are barren like a crushing weight. But its getting less and less.
There are many ways to become a parent. It may not be what you first thought, but my friends who are donor egg parents or parents of adoptive children are no less happy than those who had children easily. In fact they are probably more grateful for what they have.
DH and I finished our 4th round of ivf with a crazy joint euphoria. We just felt if we can survive this... I count my blessings everyday that this hasnt destroyed our relationship as it has so many.
We are not looking at donor or adoption at the minute. we are just having a LONNNNG break. And fucking hell do I need it. I feel a little more whole every month.
And worse case scenario. You get to be DINKis (double income no kids). Its every parents dream!!
Sorry for my rambly post. What I actually wanted to say was that i read something on another thread that suggested people had to choose between a simple medical condition and permanent infertility. It helped me see how my non infertlile self would see our predicament. we would have chosen anything other than this. And so we did - no caffeine/alcohol/money/personal space/holidays/life etc etc etc. But there is life at the other side, you just have to hold on till you get there if you can, and come here to chat if you cant.