Has infertility changed your sex life?

[meadowlark3]

DH and I were quite regular rabbits before TTC and I always enjoyed myself. As my desperation for a baby grew after our miscarriage, sex became quite scheduled and forced and I was quite anxious. (DH was generally quite obliging..) The day before our miscarriage we DTD and I had severe cramps, so I have been scared to do anything during the TWW. As we're now looking to begin IVF, normal sex has fallen off the diary. We still try to be active around my ovulation, but I often come home to evidence (TMI alert) that DH has been helping himself. And I haven't had an orgasm in months. Add to that the abstinence for SAs, hycosy, etc. and it seems we have gone from 3-4 times per week to 2-3 times per month. I imagine he is stressed by it all too so perhaps that's why he's releasing in that way but it just feels so lonely. I'm not only barren but perhaps not even attractive to my DH any longer.

I am of course grateful that we are getting on well otherwise but I am missing that sort of intimacy in our relationship.

Apologies if this has become a bit of a moan. Has this happened for anyone else? Does it get better? Or is it another one of the infertility joys that damages a marriage?

[Annab1983]

We have gone though similar, it is only now we are actually in the ivf process we can even laugh about it a little.. TTc naturally was fun then it was fraught the longer it went on, we had a loss, then i had surgery and it was confirmed it wouldn't happen naturally.. I found it became a loaded issue and easier to avoid, also the whole 'it's confirmed I am barren' thing made me too self conscious or upset or something.. I don't think it will damage us long term but it is very upsetting nonetheless.. as long as you are getting on well otherwise as you say and keep talking you will weather this storm.. if you think about it you could be married 40 years so helpfully (for all of us) the period of infertility is just a temporary blip, my husband put it in a lovely way one day -it's just part of our story, not the ending. Best of luck x

[Annab1983]

That should read hopefully not helpfully 🙄

[anametouse]

I think it's really normal for it to mess things up. My DH got sick or being used as a sleep machine. We had to take the occasional month off ttc to reclaim ourselves as a couple. It sounds terrifying to "loose a month" but it really helped us