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How long can I put off IVF?

(44 Posts)
Thomasina76 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:05:37

DH and I have been TTC since Nov 2015, so around 17 months. We have no known fertility problems other than age (I am 40, 41 in July and DH is 47) and have had a number of IUIs, all unsuccessful. Next step is IVF and consultant said not to wait too long as our chances go down every month. My AMH is 8.9.

Problem is, I can't seem to make a final decision to do IVF. I had a nurse consultant yesterday to begin the preparation month and I'm just not sure I can/want to go through it. I keep holding on hoping we will conceive naturally. DH and I each have 2 kids from previous relationships so were fertile at one point!

Should I keep putting it off until I'm certain I want to do IVF (which might never happen) or just get on with it. I feel like pushing it back a few more months to give TTC naturally one last try but that means by the time we do it I will nearly 41. How fast are my chances dropping?

Chattycat78 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:29:41

What's putting you off doing it? If cost isn't an issue, I would probably do it asap if it was me. As you say, as you get older, the odds get worse. Ivf itself isn't that bad- all the needles and stuff. The hardest part by far is the emotional side.

Thomasina76 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:38:50

Thanks Chatty. What about the massive needles for the progesterone injections???

anametouse Thu 23-Mar-17 14:42:04

I didn't find the needles that bad and I was needle phobic. In my opinion you really don't have time to keep putting it off. IVf is physically miles and miles and miles easier than labour!

Chattycat78 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:47:06

Needles are fine. I didn't have progesterone injections- it was pessaries.

Yeah I agree with the above poster. Unfortunately your eggs get worse as you get older. I would do it asap if it was me. You can still try naturally.

Mollymolly76 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:49:10

In 40 and started ivf at aged 39. My biggest regret is not doing it earlier as I have hardly any eggs left so each cycle I've only had 1 egg to play with despite being on the highest amount of drugs.

The longer you leave it the lower your chances get unfortunately.

Chattycat78 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:51:13

Yes. Although your amh OP implies that your egg numbers are ok. I wouldn't let this allow you to settle on your laurels though. Quality is more important than quantity when it comes to eggs.

juneau Thu 23-Mar-17 14:51:21

Once you're over 40 the chances of IVF working are very low. Quite literally every single month counts. However, if you just want to let nature take its course and leave it up to chance that's fine too. But do understand that leaving the IVF decision on the shelf for now is a decision in itself and it lessens your chance of it working if you do try later.

FilledSoda Thu 23-Mar-17 14:53:26

It's reasonably urgent if you are sure you want another child.
I started IVF at 33, had four unsuccessful cycles and now we are out of time , I'm 45, so that's that.
The needles are fine, to be honest the needles are the least of your worries.

Thomasina76 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:57:55

Thanks all. This might be the kick up the bum I need to do it.

anametouse Thu 23-Mar-17 17:51:54

Good luck flowers

bananafish81 Thu 23-Mar-17 17:58:40

Your chances of success decline every month you delay unfortunately - the decline in egg quality accelerates precipitously quickly after the age of 38, after 40 the decline is even more steep and even more rapid

The chances of success are low over 40 because of the small % of eggs that are chromosomally normal. That % gets less and less each month

Sorry to be blunt but I would not delay. If you're going to do it, do it now.

Thomasina76 Fri 24-Mar-17 11:40:30

Thanks Bananafish. Guess I should stop dithering. Is it natural to feel very reluctant, do you think, or does everyone feel a bit like this? I guess it's noone's preferred route! Just feel freaked out not only by the medication/injections but with the whole concept of IVF. I can't really get my head around making a baby this way.

bananafish81 Fri 24-Mar-17 12:11:08

I don't think there is a right or a wrong reaction - everyone is different

I was doing IVF within a very short space of time after starting TTC because investigations indicated we were unlikely to conceive naturally, and we didn't want to hang around.

We just wanted to do whatever was going to give us the best chance of becoming a parent. We don't have any children so we would walk over broken glass if it meant we could become a Mum and Dad.

I did 4 IVF cycles within the space of 12 months, plus 6 months of ovulation induction cycles with injectables - the injections are an absolute doddle. Anticipation is the worst bit. Then you do the first one and wonder what all the fuss is about. The injections are the easy bit tbh!

Sadly for us it's the end of the road with my body and the only way we're going to have a baby is through surrogacy. So we're going to sell our house to find the six figure sum we need for surrogacy in the US. You do what you need to do and whatever you are comfortable with. There is no right or wrong. Just what is right for you and your partner.

Would you consider seeing a fertility counsellor?

bananafish81 Fri 24-Mar-17 12:12:15

(I can't get my head around making a baby through some sex - it seems like such an alien and incredible concept!!)

Mollymolly76 Fri 24-Mar-17 12:24:34

Banana - I feel the same now! After 17 years TTC - How the hell to people have babies through sex?!? Odd ;)

Thomasina76 Fri 24-Mar-17 12:37:22

Thanks Bananafish. Very sorry to hear you have not been lucky so far. Is it definitely the end of the road in terms of IVF? You too hear about people finally getting pregnant on the 7th or 8th go but of course money is a massive factor.

Not sure if it will help seeing a counsellor. I think if I didn't have any kids already then I would feel very differently about this. That said, both DH and I would love to have a child together and I think i will have massive regrets if we don't manage to have one. I also paranoid about the cancer risk.

bananafish81 Fri 24-Mar-17 13:00:03

Unfortunately we have almost certainly reached the end of the road

We can't get my lining to work and my body can't sustain a pregnancy. I've miscarried two chromosomally normal embryos and had three surgeries and spent the last 6 months doing treatment just to work on my endometrial lining to try and do one more cycle. We can't do another cycle because we can't get my uterus to cooperate. We have 5 genetically perfect embryos on ice but my uterus just doesn't work. We've tried every experimental treatment under the sun, but we don't have the chance to do a 7th or 8th cycle because we've had to cancel so many cycles as it is.

Money wise we've spent about £35,000, but surrogacy will be somewhere in the region of £100-150,0000

If there was any possibility of trying another go in my body I would. But I can't even have a period let alone keep a baby alive!!

Good luck with whatever you choose.

bananafish81 Fri 24-Mar-17 13:01:58

What cancer risk?

There is no proven link between IVF and cancer. There's no anecdotal link either.

The US is such a litigious society if there was a risk that patients would turn around and sue for getting cancer from the treatment, don't you think American clinics wouldn't offer IVF?

Thomasina76 Fri 24-Mar-17 19:16:44

Oooh, good point Bananas, I hadn't thought of that! So is it definitely not proven? From what I read, they cannot rule out a link or slightly increased risk in ovarian cancer. I know it's small and that loads of other things increase your risk, but still.

MsJuniper Fri 24-Mar-17 19:24:37

I am exactly the same age as you and facing a slightly different issue in multiple (6) mc (I have 1 DS). I have delayed investigations as I have to put off ttc for a couple of months during these and just kept hoping the next cycle would be "the one". Now kicking myself I didn't do it ages ago but sometimes you need to get your head around something.

As well as the tests I am having a fertility MOT as I thought it would give me an idea of how desperate things are in terms of egg reserves etc and inform the next steps. I would have IVF if I thought it was going to help, but it probably won't in my situation.

Cutesbabasmummy Sat 25-Mar-17 19:35:23

If you are sure you want a baby do the ivf. We had DE FET isci and it wasn't bad at all. 2 rounds resulted in one beautiful little boy x

Thomasina76 Sun 26-Mar-17 17:20:03

MsJuniper, so did you decide to do IVF?

MsJuniper Wed 05-Apr-17 17:23:18

Hi Thomasina,

I have been for a consultation today at Create which was quite useful. They are (unsurprisingly) recommending I start IVF asap as every cycle counts in terms of egg age. All scans came back normal as did dh's sperm. I get the AMH and TSH results tomorrow and they have given me two pathways based on the result (natural or mild stimulation IVF / ICSI).

I am concerned about whether it will be any use for me as it is not clear what my issue is so I could just mc a healthy embryo. If cost were not an issue, I would definitely go for it. A 3-cycle with 1 embryo transfer and pre-genetic screening would cost around £10k plus various fees.

I have heard mixed things about Create but I was fairly impressed, nice facilities, pleasant staff and clear information. There was a feeling of being slightly pushed into a quick decision but not to the extent of a hard sell, more that they were talking about it as if I am definitely going ahead rather than considering.

Have you made any decisions?

Goodluckjonathan76 Fri 09-Jun-17 00:10:39

Hi all. So here I am 3 months later still dithering. Chickened out of doing IVF in March then did a cycle of IUI with injectables. 3 mature eggs, great lining and dr even told me this would be the cycle I would get pregnant, followed by a BFN and a very heavy period. Crunch time and trying to psyche myself up for IVF next month. Exactly how bad it is? Feels like the IUI was a bit of a dummy run as we got used to doing the injections which is really no big deal but it's the idea of giving up on the idea of a natural conception that making me sad. Also, seems so much to go through with not a very high chance of success. How likely is is that it will work first time?

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