Babies in the waiting area...

[meadowlark3]

What do you think about babies in the waiting area of your clinic? A couple came to our clinic and brought their small toddler (perhaps 18 months) and the baby played and babbled in the main waiting area. It seemed to make lots of other patients quite uncomfortable.

It surprised me to see a small child running about and wondering what others think.

xx

[toffeepuddin]

It's just one of them things I'm afraid. I too, at my first infertility appointment (after years on trying for a child) asked myself why is their pregnant women or women with you for children in the same waiting room? Simply put 'Gynaecology' is womens reproductive health which can go from infertility, to just HPV vaccinations, any abnormalities such as discharge, painful periods and so on. It's a bitch I know and I hate it but again, it's one of them things which is shit about being infertile

[LilQueenie]

I felt the same at first until I realised some were there trying for their second and their first was a result of the clinic itself. I started to look at it as a positive thing.

[MonkeyPoozzled76]

I guess it's one of those things just as toffee says, it's the same attending for scans during and after miscarriage. Sat sobbing in the same waiting room as lots of pregnant ladies with family, particularly hard to watch the excitement over scan pictures after positive scans. I had seven scans over two months due to a very long and complicated MMC and only once did a kind nurse take pity and take me to wait in the bereavement cupboard room. It's shit, and I feel your pain. I guess the NHS just can't stretch to multiple waiting rooms.

Sorry for the rant.

[Scottishgirl85]

We're going for ivf abroad in may and will have to take our toddler with us as we couldn't leave her with family for 9 days. She is a result of a long struggle ttc, but I will feel very guilty taking her. x

[bananafish81]

I think it's absolutely disgusting

Fertility clinics are a place where barren women go

Taking a child in is just rubbing it in the face of those of us who are tormented every day by the fear we will never become a mother

It's basically a message that 'hey well this is a place for barrens - well guess what some of us are less barren than you, you're the most barren one of all'

It sickens me.

Antenatal clinics, fine

Fertility clinic? Fuck no.

[bananafish81]

I'm talking about private fertility clinics here, not NHS units where reproductive units are shared with gynaecology

There are always bloody toddlers in the waiting room of my fertility clinic

No. Just no

Presumably someone with a child already won't take their existing DC into the labour ward with them? To a smear test?

Pay a babysitter. Get a family member to mind your child. Anything, anything, but bring a child into the space where barren women are feeling at their most vulnerable

[Aliveinwanderland]

Everyone's is there because they have struggled to conceive. The Ines with children are surely positive stories that give hope?

It's not as if infertile people don't come across children in every day life.

I initially thought it was insensitive, but actually the more I think about it the more I don't see the problem. Ideally they should be left at home for all medical appointments, hospital is not a good place for children to be.

[Aliveinwanderland]

Bananafish- I take my child to a smear test. I don't have any childcare during the day time and so have no alternative.

[bananafish81]

We see children in everyday life, and it's a knife to the heart. Every fucking day

The fertility clinic is supposed to be the one safe space where we're not societal lepers for being unable to conceive

When you're at your most vulnerable because you're shitting it about a scan. Because you didn't get as many eggs as you want. Because few of your embryos made it to day 5. To see a child in the place where you're there because you're barren, is just adding salt to the wound

My husband also gets apoplectic with rage about the boards of baby photos, because it's like 'hey, here's what you could have won! Look at how everyone else managed to succeed at fertility treatment and YOU can't'

I can overlook that because I just make sure I don't look at them. It's harder to ignore a chattering toddler or squalling baby

I don't want children not to exist. It's a beautiful thing! It's why we're doing this in the first place. But in a fertility clinic? When we're at our most vulnerable?

[GuinessPunch]

I agree with you banana.

[LapinR0se]

I completely disagree with people saying it's horrific.
I did IVF and loved seeing all the photos of babies around the (private) clinic and the toddlers in the waiting room usually provided some much needed comic relief.

Now I am going for round 2 and my 2.5yr old will need to come with me once or twice. Apart from anything else, our consultant said she'd love to meet her.

What I personally found absolutely unbearable was the EPU on the NHS where women were having dating scans alongside those suffering terrible miscarriages. That was horrendous and I wrote to the chairman of the hospital and the Secretary of State of health, both of whom responded and said they would do their best to create separate areas in acute gynae.

[user1487264922]

Thought I'd add my tuppence, I think it's pretty crap to be honest. I've had to sit in several waiting rooms in both ivf clinics and in EPU on several occassions having been told really bad news or going through shitty treatment to kill the pregnancy in my tube while watching the merry go round of excited parents to be or people fussing over their kids.

You don't know what people are going through sitting there and it's the one time when it would have been kind not to have what I will probably never have shoved in my face. I appreciate it is difficult to understand if you have kids and haven't been in the situation and babysitting is hard to find or not desirable but this is how it felt for me.

[welshweasel]

There were sometimes kids in the waiting room of the private fertility clinic we used for IVF. To be honest it didn't really bother me, I see kids everywhere, pretty much all my friends had babies, I couldn't escape them. If we were to have IVF again (we won't, we are sticking with one) we'd inevitably have to take DS with us on occasion as we have no local childcare options and as you know, IVF appointments can change on a daily basis so can't really book babysitters easily. I think it would be difficult for a clinic to say 'come here so we can try and help you create a wonderful child...but then never bring them through the doors again'. Infertility is fucking shit but other people's good fortune never bothered me.

[PotteringAlong]

Presumably someone with a child already won't take their existing DC into the labour ward with them? To a smear test?

Labour ward, no. Smear test? Yes. Where are these mythical babysitters who will take children for 15 mins whilst you pop to the drs? Not everyone has local childcare to hand. You cannot seriously be saying that if you have IVF you are not allowed to have another go for a second child unless you have family on tap to babysit?

[GuinessPunch]

I had ivf for my baby. If I go through the process again then no I will not be bringing him to the bloody ivf clinic.

[Isthismummy]

It really pisses me off as well.

I had my ivf cycle cancelled at the last minute this weekend and was instead given the wonderful news that I'm peri fucking menopausal.

My last image of the place was walking out past a woman holding up her adorable baby girl whilst the nurses cooed over her like they were on a frigging maternity ward.

No, just no

[welshweasel]

So what are you meant to do? I required scans sometimes daily and was called in for appointments with an hours notice on two occasions. I ended up stimming for a full 8 days longer than initially planned so it's not like DH could have just taken the whole period off work. I certainly wouldn't take DS with me if I had any alternative but if it was the only option then yes I would. What other option would I have?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

My uk clinic says no kids at all

I totally agree with this

They have photo albums of success stories so you can look in them if you want

But to have a crying babbling baby while ttc and going through the ivf cycles and scans and being told failed etc is wrong

[Chrisinthemorning]

I always thought that they were IVF babies and their parents were ttc a second. It shows it can and does work. It was probably the one place where they didn't bother me.

[Floggingmolly]

It would seem to be fairly insensitive, yes. Why would the sight of someone else's toddler give the whole waiting room "hope"?
They've presumably seen babies / toddlers on every street corner on the way there, they will again on the way home; but having to sit waiting for your appointment in the clinic itself while a toddler plays right in front of you seems particularly cruel.

[Blinkyblink]

When you're a mum, no childcare option at all for a half hour appointment, you do what you neee to do, and that might involve taking your child in with you. No other mother would judge you for that.

[MyHairNeedsASnip]

I think it's a difficult one and I've been on both sides. I've had lots of fertility treatment, many losses and also had to take my child to appointments when she was around 2.

DH would be away and I had nobody to have DD so I had to go myself and take her with me. I would always try to keep her quiet and not let her run around but I feel awful now that I could have been adding to someone's stress.

It's different now because she's at school so I can go during those hours, but at the time I really didn't have another option.

[GuinessPunch]

No "other mother". So the opinion of those who aren't mothers doesn't matter? Other mothers may not judge you as they already have their babies. It's very different.

[Floggingmolly]

What do you mean by no other mother, binky? . Isn't it obvious that a fertility clinic will have a high proportion of women who have yet to become mothers in the waiting room?
That was a crashingly ugly thing to say.

[welshweasel]

I think most people would agree that it's not an ideal situation, but no one seems to have any ideas as to how to avoid it!