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It's so unfair :(

(24 Posts)
Shrekisgreen Tue 28-Feb-17 06:34:03

Been ttc for over a year and nothing has happened and starting fertility tests next month.
My best friend knows all this and announced her pregnancy to me last week. I'm obviously really happy for her but I was on the verge of tears when she told me. She then kept going on about how excited she is and showing me pictures of baby clothes etc.
Now I totally get that is an exciting time but would a little bit of sensitivity towards me have been difficult? She has only been trying for 3 months and had gotten pregnant straight away.
My parents are desperate for me to have a baby and drop hints all the time but I haven't told them that we are struggling. I'm now dreading them finding out my friend is expecting.

Argh life is such a bitch. Sorry just needed a rant.

JCleRoux Tue 28-Feb-17 06:40:41

Didn't want to read and run. Sorry it's taking so long for you to conceive. Hopefully all the tests you're about to do will shed some light on why it's taking so long. Hang in there. flowers

esiotrot2015 Tue 28-Feb-17 06:41:55

flowers

Your friend sounds insensitive though

FourToTheFloor Tue 28-Feb-17 06:45:26

I know it's tough. Two of my very good friends shared due dates with my 2 mc. But I think you need to be a little less harsh on your friend. She's excited.

There will all be someone out there with something you want, it's how you handle these things.

But I do know it's tough and I hope your tests give you some answers flowers

Scrumptiousbears Tue 28-Feb-17 06:47:45

Does your friend know you've been TTC?

I think it something that until you have been through it you have no idea of the upset it causes.

Good luck OP. We TTC for 2.5 years, had tests I wasn't ovulating by all accounts and was given Clomid. On the second month I fell pregnant with my first then when she was 1 year old i naturally fell pregnant with my second. There are positive stories out there even though it feels impossible at the moment.

Rainbowqueeen Tue 28-Feb-17 06:51:05

flowers.

Would you find it helpful to tell your parents? It might ease the stress.
I wish you joy in your TCC journey

FuzzyFalafelz Tue 28-Feb-17 07:05:06

I know it's hard. I had infertility which lasted years. turned out to be ovulation issues (very common) and now have 4 kids. Those early years were so painful though. Can you explain to your friend that your very happy for her but also explain it makes you a bit sad too as it highlights your own frustrating situation. Hopefully she might be a bit more considerate after that. Could you also ask your parents to stop talking about babies and you will talk to them when you're ready. Don't have to give reasons.

FuzzyFalafelz Tue 28-Feb-17 07:05:51

With clomid I conceived all mine on the 3rd cycle. Spooky!

Shrekisgreen Tue 28-Feb-17 08:00:29

Yeah she is the only person I have told about ttc and knows about the doctors appointments and stuff I have already had. That's what makes it so much harder.
I will tell my mum what's going on. She will be nothing but supportive but I do feel very down about it all.
Thanks for everyone's kind words

FuzzyFalafelz Tue 28-Feb-17 08:28:45

Maybe tell your friend how down you feel

esmaesmomma Tue 28-Feb-17 09:27:46

Op it's a really hard situation and I totally feel your pain before I had my dd I had miscarriage after miscarriage ttc for 2 years. I had to watch countless friends and family members become pregnant and have their beautiful baby's.

Be careful how you react and act towards your friend. You'll feel differently about her pregnancy in a few months and depending how you act you risk alienating yourself. You don't want to be that woman who is the last to be told anything because about baby's or children because they fear you will get upset.. I've been that person and it's horrible one of my friends had a baby shower and didn't tell me incase I got upset because I when I was ttc and not getting anywhere I found it hard to be really happy for anyone else.

Equally I know what it's like to be the pregnant lady who is being avoided by someone and that sucks too. Every time someone who was ttc conceive themselves looked away, went to the bathroom for a min to themselves, changed the subject or just played down my pregnancy it took away a bit of my happiness.

You will get there and you'll have your miracle baby. For a lot of woman ttc is a massive struggle and for others it seems to be so simple. flowers big hugs for you xxx

Londonjam Tue 28-Feb-17 13:45:33

Sorry you are going through this, it's shit. I'm in the same position OP - trying for our first and we're on cycle 15, almost 16... we've got our first fertility appointment this week. I think I've reached a point where I've accepted this is our lot, and forgotten the giddy naivety I had at the beginning when I assumed it would happen first time...

I second talking to your mum - it sounds like she'd give you the support you need and will hopefully then stop pressuring you.

Reframe the tests if you can to a positive - you are finding out more information, getting help which will help your journey move along more quickly.

And keep posting here! MN has kept me sane the last year...

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 28-Feb-17 20:43:58

She's excited but tough when gets preg easily in 3 mths

Maybe send her a text and say you are very happy for her that's she's preg but you are finding it a bit hard at mo as you've been ttc for a year which isn't that long tbh (sorry) but Obv every month is hard when get af

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 28-Feb-17 20:48:19

@esmaesmomma - ditto. There one friend who is finding my preg hard - I'm almost 36w and never seen her since being preg but get texts every now and againa. She is also struggling to conceive

But

This preg has taken me almost 11yrs and 4 failed private ivf and no 5 worked. I deserve the joy and shouting from rooftops etc - but she's finding it hard and tbh has pissed on my bonfire slightly

It's not like I had sex and got preg first month

120 months of trying in between ivf failures

esmaesmomma Tue 28-Feb-17 21:30:29

Hi blonde. Yeh I've been where you are it's so hard I've been at both ends of this so can see it from both points of view my issue wasn't so much getting pregnant it was staying pregnant. I had the joy over and over of a positive pregnancy test the joy of scans and then the heartache of a miscarriage. I had another miscarriage before Christmas my dd is only 9 months old but we wanted the pregnancy.. I still feel pangs of anger and jealousy when I see a pregnant lady or I see scan photos on Facebook. I'm just grateful for my little lady and I hope one day il be blessed with another miracle or 2 xx

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 28-Feb-17 21:35:11

💐💐 that must be so hard

To fall preg then lose baby. Life is not fair

I hope you get your no 2 x

Shrekisgreen Tue 28-Feb-17 21:44:36

I am really happy for her and I told her this and I am excited about it.
I don't want to tell her how I feel and put a downer on it. I want to be a good friend and not make my issue her issue. It would just have been nice for her to maybe think about my feelings a bit. She knows how tough I have been finding it and how it was massive step for me to admit there might be a problem and see a doctor.

I don't want to be a bad friend sad

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 28-Feb-17 21:53:47

You aren't a bad friend or you wouldn't be feeling like this 💐💐

esmaesmomma Tue 28-Feb-17 23:30:04

You're not a bad friend! Things like this throw up some really complicated feelings don't be hard on yourself xxx

toffeepuddin Wed 01-Mar-17 16:15:34

Sorry OP I really for you. It must be hard or you, your friend should be excited for her pregnancy of course, but if you've told her that your struggling, she should be more sensitive.

I have one colleague and another one trying (she fell within 6 weeks of ttc with her 1st) and all there doing is talking about baby clothes etc. They both know its been 2 years and I'm waiting for IVF. Very insensitive but I suck it up and breeaathhee. lol.
Talk to you friend flowers

Isthismummy Thu 02-Mar-17 07:55:08

It sucks op, it really does. Have some flowers and some of the wine we shouldn't be drinking.

Definitely tell your mum though. You say she's a supportive person, so you will probably feel a bit of a weight lifted when you tell her.

Good luck with everything.

sjcampbell Tue 21-Mar-17 21:54:00

I can completely relate to you. We've been trying for over a year too and my close friend told me just before Christmas she was 18wks pregnant. I put on my big girl smile and congratulated her and told her how excited I was (which I was) but when I got home I couldn't hold back the tears, kept asking my husband why it wasn't use and that I couldn't take anyone else close to us getting pregnant cause it's too painful, then just last week he told me his best friend and wife are expecting and on our anniversary no less 😔. I feel like our day will never come and wherever I go there's someone new saying their pregnant, it's painful and tough but only get through it with the support from my other half.

There will always be others we know getting pregnant before us but we just need to smile

Ozzyboo Sat 25-Mar-17 17:08:09

I know exactly how you feel, my best friend and I got pregnant at exactly the same time (2 weeks difference in our due dates) unfortunately mine was ectopic and I had my right tube removed with it. I was devastated to say the least. Now she is 6 months and I am finding it so hard to be around her.

She has had her share of problems, 5 mc, so I am so happy for her as I know what it's like to want it so badly. But doesn't stop the unbearable feeling of jealousy. I feel like such an awful friend so I am just smiling through it and cry on my own in private!

I really hope you get the happy ending you deserve, life can be so unfair and your feelings are normal trust me x x

somethingwitty3432 Sun 26-Mar-17 22:17:25

I feel your pain! We've given up TTC now after years of misery. The day we got our results back from the docs confirming we would never conceive my cousin & best friend told me she was pregnant. Then my sister-in-law within a few weeks. For a long time it felt like everyone I knew was pregnant. I confided in a close friend & spent many an evening crying into my wine glass with her. Until she fell pregnant just before xmas, first time. Obviously thrilled for her but I thought she of all ppl would know how much it hurt yet she & her husband giddily told me how surprised they were & how easy it was for them.

Hugs to you OP 💐 don't think anyone can understand it until they've been through it x

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