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How do you come to terms with the end of your IVF journey?

(7 Posts)
MillieMillie Sat 18-Feb-17 07:41:17

I'm just starting my 4th IVF cycle, I've been TTC for approx 18 years and never once had a positive pregnancy test.
I'm a poor responder, 40 and have immune issues.
I've decided this is my last attempt as the odds are against me and we don't have an endless post of money to throw at it anymore.
I'm totally drained and an emotional wreck and feel very very scared of this final cycle as I know it will be the end.

So I'd like to know how you come to terms with stopping?
I'm worried how I'll cope knowing it's the end.

bananafish81 Sat 18-Feb-17 10:03:42

Come and join the multiple failures thread - we're all in a similar place. You're amongst friends xx

bananafish81 Sat 18-Feb-17 10:04:14

Multiple failures, a place to chat

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/2846529-multiple-failures-a-place-to-chat

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 18-Feb-17 22:26:39

Personally with your history I would look at using donor eggs before giving up

I ttc for 10yrs and had 4 failed attempts all private

we did t think the 5th would work tho was a fet from cycle 3 and it did

Df and I said if the frozen ones we had left all failed we would do a Round of donor eggs before giving up (I'm 43) tho always told had good eggs for my age

Only you and your partner can say when you have had enough 💐

Smidge001 Sat 18-Feb-17 22:46:35

I don't think the miracle 20th time lucky, don't give up hope comments are very helpful to be honest. Sorry. Yes i know it can work. But (sorry if I'm wrong), but the OP is asking for how to come to terms with the end of the road. Hope is a bastard when trying to come to terms with that, and hopeful stories are just cruel. She's been going through this for 18yrs FFS.

I had 6 attempts and no positive tests. We've got no known fertility issues but it just isn't working. We have "given up". Which means we have stopped trying anything medical, and stopped assuming it will happen one day. I'm nearly 41. And my DH's 44&1/2 year old sister has just had an unplanned baby. So i know it could happen, but I need to know it can't. I need to lose the hope. So that I can stop fucking wondering every single effing month whether maybe this sign or that sign might mean it is going to happen naturally. And to stop kidding myself that by stopping taking folic acid I am in fact just trying to tempt fate into getting me up the duff.

Hope is what makes it unbearable and impossible to move on.

So, OP. When do you decide it's the end of the road? Well, we just decided we weren't going to go through any more treatment because our lives had been on hold for too long. We set ourselves one last attempt, and planned a big trip for afterwards. It didn't work, and I found myself actually not being surprised that it failed. The earlier attempts I really thought the odds would be in our favour (20% success rate meant the more failures we had must surely mean the closer we were to succeeding...hmm) . But this time I truly was expecting it to fail. So it seemed a good time to stop, as I hazard lost faith in it ever working.

The trouble is I haven't lost hope that it might - naturally. I'm not sure how to move on properly while I still have that hope every time I go to the loo and can't stop myself doing knicker-watch.

Do you think this attempt will work? if you still do, then it's worth carrying on. Is the treatment different from before? Are they still learning from your results? But if you're getting to the stage where you feel you're just banging your head against a wall and you've tried all options available to you don't they say a sign of madness doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different response then you will know it is time to stop.

Smidge001 Sat 18-Feb-17 22:49:02

*... as I had lost faith, not I hazard!

MillieMillie Sun 19-Feb-17 09:05:22

That's it smidge.
I'm absolutely exhausted with it all, I feel my life has been put on hold for 18 years on knicker watch and calculating ovulation dates EVERY SINGLE MONTH! There isn't a month go by when I don't think 'is this the one'
I think once I've had this cycle I'll still wonder if it will happen naturally and it's torturous.

But 'IF' this cycle doesn't work then I'm so scared about how I'm going to cope. The other failed cycles have hit me hard but this one has so much pressure on it it's even worse.

This cycle is different as I'm on immune drugs BUT I'm still a poor responder so who knows if I'll even get 1 egg this time. It feels like I'm paddling through treacle uphill in flip flops.

I'm desperately trying to think of positives to cushion the blow of accepting defeat in April on test day (if I get that far)

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