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Feeling overwhelmed :-(

(7 Posts)
MrsDarcy4092 Sun 05-Feb-17 17:40:35

I just need a space to let it all out really and see if anyone else has been here.
We have been trying to conceive for over 3 years, we have severe male factor infertility and are waiting to start ivf. Like everyone its been very hard at times and i made some huge lifestyle changes to help me cope. On the whole i now find myself being fairly positive about things, i have coped with friends having babys and cousins and i have coped working as a health visitor and visiting babys all day long. I am grateful for how strong our marriage is, how much weight i have lost in order to have ivf and how its shown my who my real friends are and who i can rely on.
The hardest thing yet though is my sisters pregnancy. When she told me i was fairly upbeat about it , afterall her being pregnant does not mean that i never will be. As the weeks have gone by its become harder as its all my parents talk about. Which i know is normal but surely given they know our struggle to have a baby i expected them to be a little more sensitive. Having said that they have never asked how we are or whats happening and i am rather angry about that. I am also angry with so called close friends who i now regard as not that great friends and who i dont even think i will tell if i do get pregnant.

Anyway, as my sisters bump grows the harder i am finding it. Her photos on social media make me very sad. as much as i am pleased for her it reminds me how hard this has been for us. I am dreading seeing her as i can no longer ignore it and everyone else talks about it a lot. I just do not know what to do.

Anyone got any advice? and does anyone else feel angry with people they thought they were close to but have been useless at supporting you through this? i feel like its shown me i have two amazing amazing friends who i love dearly. and everyone else doesn't deserve to know anything about it now as they have shown so little interest by this point they clearly do not actually care.

It is also a really hard time as i have started to think of the links between having icsi and the risk of any son being infertile and while i know fertility treatments will be improved in 30 years and he may not even want children, this has been the absolute hardest thing to go through and i would never want my child to go through it. So i am really starting to wonder whether donor sperm or adoption is the better answer. I feel so maternal to these little embryos that do not even exist and i just want the very best for them and forcing a sperm to create a baby which biologically could never do it alone... i am having difficulty lately justifying that to myself.

I am feeling very overwhelmed with everything at the moment.

outputgap Mon 06-Feb-17 02:57:05

That all sounds really hard. I know that I couldn't bear to see pregnant women or hear pregnancy news. I'm not on Facebook thankfully.

Can you maybe sit down with your mum and tell her how you feel?

languagelearner Mon 06-Feb-17 03:53:09

I have never felt anything close like this, but I know a lot of people have, and some travel to Denmark to get help. You might want to do a search and see what it is why and where they go.

Out2pasture Mon 06-Feb-17 03:54:02

when you and your partner were going through the investigations did you share the challenges with your parents?
if you have, let them know how you are feeling now. if you kept things private they may not realize.
part of me thinks it's a bit of fear on your part that maybe things will not go well and your being very sensitive.
my son has azoospermia sad, eventually our son told us. they chose IUI but kept all details private. so it was hard to judge what was expected or excessive as my DD was expecting.

MrsDarcy4092 Mon 06-Feb-17 12:23:39

I was open wth parents and told them everything but once I told them 2 years ago they haven't asked a single question even just how are things or any news. So I feel like they actually just not bothered, they have 5 grandchildren why care about not having more. It's unlike me to be so angry but that's how I feel angry hurt and let down. And lonely.

outputgap Tue 07-Feb-17 00:18:21

It does sound very very hard for you, but sometimes people just don't know what to say, what questions to ask, and because of what it is, they are worried about offending or precipating a great wave of grief. I'm presuming and hoping that's the case for you and that what you need to do is spell out that you want support. Not that you should have to, obviously. And not to take away from how very hard this is to bear.

I wouldn't give a 2nd thought to the infertility in your child thing though.

toffeepuddin Thu 09-Feb-17 12:06:28

Hi OP. I understand your pain I really do. I have a 2 year old nephew who I love dearly but at the same time very sad. My brothers girlfriend had my parents first grandchild and will most probably give them their second. All the while I'm clocking on to 30 years old and I'm can't have children. Ive been trying for over 4 years and recently been diagnosed with Adenomysis. It's very hard seeing everyone pregnant and parents be excited. My advice is try not think about everyone else...they can go f* themselves. When your baby is here, you and your partner will be so excited and full of joy, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Let things fall as they

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