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Am I being unreasonable?

(7 Posts)
Scottishgirl85 Sat 04-Feb-17 21:00:53

We went through an awful lot to have our daughter and now starting the ivf process to try to have a second after a long time trying naturally. My sister in law is expecting her first (due date 9 months after wedding, of course) and has asked if she can borrow a lot of our baby bits, bouncy chair, play gym, toys etc. Handing them over would break me as it would emphasise that we don't have another, and I also feel that if we are lucky enough to have another things would then be 3rd hand and very worn. I have such special memories of our daughter using all these things, and always think about a future baby using them, I'm extremely sentimental about things.
They gave us £100 when our daughter was born, so I've suggested we buy her all the bits to the equivalent value, rather than giving them money. I've explained that it makes sense for her to have new should she go on to have more. I'm sure she'll say that's fine, but now I'm wondering if I'm being mean not offering her things?
I find infertility very hard mentally (as I'm sure we all do), even now we have a child, and somehow feel that handing these things over for someone else's baby is just too difficult for me.
What would others do? Am I being ridiculous? Hubby says he understands what I mean but he would lend her things. I just don't want his family thinking badly of us. Writing it out makes me sound so silly...

blue2014 Sat 04-Feb-17 21:03:42

You need to do what's best for you. I'm not sentimental at all about any of DS (also ivf) stuff but my friend (an instadiff) is very sentimental about hers. Your stuff, your choice. Do what you need to flowers

JCleRoux Sat 04-Feb-17 21:05:47

Agree with PP. do what feels right for you. If you think she will agree to your suggestion of buying her own new things then that solves the problem.

Northernlurker Sat 04-Feb-17 21:09:00

Why would you lend your things when you expect to need them yourself very soon? Tell her no, you hope to use them yourself and buy her a lovely gift. The think no more bout it.

Scottishgirl85 Sat 04-Feb-17 21:31:14

Thanks ladies, really appreciate your support. She's having a boy so some of the stuff isn't suitable, and she has cats which I'm highly allergic to, so I can use those things as an excuse too. They know a bit about our fertility issues but really have no idea what it's like and just don't understand, so I feel the cat excuse is probably my best bet at making sure they don't think badly of us! Thank you for your reassurance x

Blueroses99 Sat 04-Feb-17 22:43:01

I'm sentimental too and I would hate to hand anything over in your situation xx

Meredith501 Sun 05-Feb-17 17:38:59

You're not being unreasonable. It's your stuff, hopefully you will need it for another baby and even if you didn't plan to have another, you might want to hold onto it for sentimental reasons.

It's her baby, you shouldn't feel obliged to provide the necessities for it. Just buy her a present.

Best of luck with the ivf.

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