Did anyone else feel depressed in the run up to their IVF treatment?

[isthismummy]

Due to start stimming in the next month and I feel so down about it all.

Had initial appointment on Tuesday and I've been getting steadily more miserable since. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm terrified about the process. I think I also feel sad that we've been told it probably won't work. It seems like such a difficult thing to go through for such low odds.

My biggest fear was always that I would have fertility problems and here I am

Can anyone relate? Feel I have no one to talk to about this. Everyone just keeps telling me to "think positive"

[closephine85]

Hi isthismummy you could be me :) I am literally starting my protocol today and I feel the same. I have a virus at the moment (cough cold etc and feeling generally run down). This morning I spent 4 hours going back and forth from the hospital to the pharmacy, the the hospital etc and by the end I just felt so overwhelmed by it all I ended up calling DH in tears in the middle of the street. It all just felt far too much! I'm hoping that once I actually start the injections it will all just become real and I'll man up and get on with it. The wait has to be the hardest part...

[isthismummy]

Bless you closiphene. Have a big bunch of these

It is so overwhelming isn't it? It feels like something that only happens to other people, and when it happens to you it's a total mindf**k. Hope your DH is helping you through? It feels like so much of the worrying and practical action falls on the woman's shoulders.

The injections are the bit that is really scaring me. Plus I'm terrified of the EC and ET. It's really surprised me how frightened I am as I'm normally pretty tough. Like you say it just feels far, far too much to handle.

Hope your virus clears up soon. I've got one too at the moment and it really is pants

[Zippybear]

Yes yes yes me, completely. I think anyone who doesn't feel depressed hasn't thought much about it or taken on board the success rates. I've done it four times now so I'm fairly well seasoned. I think the run up is by far the worst bit, all that unknown hanging over your head, the way your life goes on hold etc. Weirdly once you get started its actually not so bad as time goes more quickly and it feels good to be doing something proactive after years of infertility. So hang in there. I didn't mind injecting, it does seem to be something most people can manage. Egg collection is a bit more involved but embryo transfer is very easy, less complicated than a smear. The ivf itself is so much easier than the emotional side to it.

Oh and people with their 'be positive' can fuck right off. Seriously that is my pet hate. It manages to invalidate your worries, blame your attitude for your infertility and cut you off in one short sentence usually just after you have bravely opened up to someone about how petrified and stressed you are. There is no other medical condition or treatment where people would come out with that. They can fuck off.

I found no one ever gives you the option of not doing ivf, but that is an option too. It's a hell of a thing to go through and it's a hard rollercoaster to get off once you are on it (unless you get pregnant). I'm in my tww of my current cycle at the minute and I've been so crazily happy for the last few days. I realised yesterday I am so happy because I don't have any ivf coming up. This is no way to live and I think I am getting to the stage of no more. Anyway I'm miles further down the track than you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it is normal to be feeling the way you are and it will get better when you start.

[isthismummy]

Thank you Zippybear. I really, really hope that this cycle is successful for you

The be positive speech just makes me want to stab whoever it is uttering it. Would you tell someone with cancer to just stay positive? It's so true that people dismiss your fears. Unfortunately I just don't think it's possible to comprehend how infertility feels until you live through it. Tonight I'm lying in bed because I feel too sick with fear to get up, whilst dp huffs and puffs I'm living room. Ugh!

[Zippybear]

Thanks isthismummy. I also get stabby with the be positive. I have one friend who every time I start to open up comes out with it. I have tried to explain to her a couple of times but she just won't let up! Grrr. She's trying to be so supportive too, and it just sends me into a rage! Best to share with fellow barrens in here, people who understand. Sorry you have taken to bed, but do whatever helps to make it through!

[waitingimpatient]

I've swung between depression and excitement for my IVF/FET cycles
IVF 1-excitement-planned that in 9 months I'd have a baby .....big crashing disappointment
FET 1-excitement
FET 2-depression
IVF 2-excitement
FET 3-depression

It's a rollercoaster of emotions that's for sure

[Blueroses99]

YES! I had the worst anxiety and depression the month immediately before each of my cycles. I have to say though that it mostly lifted when I got started, it helped me to feel that I was actually doing something.

[isthismummy]

Ugh well depression not helped by putting on weight. Weighed myself this morning and I've put on 3 pound! Not a massive amount, but I'm going wedding dress shopping tomorrow and now I feel a bloated blob

This nourishing IVF diet is just basically making me pointlessly fatter! So pissed off today

[isthismummy]

And I don't even get the plus point of bigger boobs. They've sank to sad flaps of skin as I enter day 38 of my totally fucked up menstrul cycle. My fucked up menstral cycle that my doctors/consultants aren't interested in helping me with

[sunshinegirl12]

I feel the same, just feel really negative about the whole thing. It feels like such a lot to go through for something that should be so simple.

I was due to start IVF round 2 yesterday but it has been delayed due to a large cyst on my ovary. Today am feeling very sorry for myself as wanted to get it over and done with.

And just to add the injections are ok, I'm petrified of needles so DH had to do them for me but once I eventually plucked up the courage to let him near me they didn't actually hurt. Saying that, I'm still scared this time around... xx

[EveningShadows]

Sorry to jump on your thread, but just wanted to wish you all the best for your IVF cycle. It's nearly 11 years now since I had my first one (started middle of Feb) but I can still remember it like it was yesterday - and the insensitivity of friends who truly didn't have a clue what we were going through.

It remains the hardest thing I have ever done

[Blueroses99]

Weight gain goes hand in hand before, during and (if all goes well!) after treatment so don't be too hard on yourself. Good luck with the wedding dress shopping. Try to relax and enjoy it! I read your wedding thread and it sounds like a lovely intimate do xx

[littlebee21]

Me, I'm the same. I'm on the run up to my 4th ivf attempt and I've never felt so low in my life. I've just posted in chat something similar

[broodypsycho]

Hi isthismummy, short answer, not yet.
I'm due my top of the waiting appointment this Tuesday, for my 1st round of IVF where ill hopefully book my egg collection date. Ive been anxious and a bit excited for it as its finally approaching, but now the reality is kicking in a bit.
I'm trying my hardest not to think about he injections, the time off work, being dosed up on all the medication and then for it not work, but I'm finding it really hard.
I keep getting my hopes up, and thinking that I could be pregnant, but I know deep down its not going to work first time you said they told you it probably wouldn't work? whats your percentage?

[isthismummy]

Thank you for all the well wishes and to all who are due to start/in middle of cycles themselves. I really hope things work out well for every one of you.

Broodypsycho. I have really low amh, which to doctors is the equivalent of car mechanics who suck air through their teeth and tell you they don't have the parts! Not been given a percentage, just that my chances are substantially reduced.

I got a beautiful dress yesterday (plus one for night do) Gorgeous vintage frocks always cheer me up