Baby/Pregnancy envy anyone?

[3ndlessdreamz]

Hi everyone,

I've been struggling with baby/pregnancy envy since July last year, since there was a new addition to DH's cousin's family. Although DH and I decided that we'll be having IVF with PGD for his genetic condition (50% chance of having the abnormal gene and the gene is dominant), it didn't help ease the envy as DH also suffers with delayed ejaculation since he was a teenager. Also that our friend who got married later than us is 3 months pregnant. I did try to be happy for her, but I just couldn't do it.

We knew that the PGD process is going to take 1-2 years at least and we're only going to get funding for 1 cycle, but we weren't too bothered to begin with as we only got married last May and wanted to enjoy married life for a while. But things really took a wrong turn last week. MIL said we shouldn't TTC naturally because we have 50% chance of passing on the genetic condition. I was absolutely livid that she said that! It actually made me more envious as well, because in my head what she said implies that DH and I were never going to have that beautiful and perfect child (i.e. cousin's baby).

I'm just so envious at the moment. I can't even look at news of other people that are unrelated getting pregnant/having baby/becoming a father.

I'm also seeing MIL later on and I just don't know how to face her :(

Thank you for reading my rant and if anyone's on the same boat or have any advice please join the conversation! x

[hopsalong]

What is the condition, and how early in pregnancy could it be detected? Is it perhaps the case that embryos with the affected gene are less likely to develop into ongoing pregnancies?

Either way, I think in your case, if I was desperate for a baby, I would seriously consider TTC normally. If your fertility is otherwise good, then you must have at least a 1 in 4 chance of having a perfect, beautiful healthy etc baby in your arms in a year (at least 50% chance he doesn't pass on the gene, 50% chance you'll be pregnant in three months). That's a really good statistic compared to anything infertility treatment/ PGD will do for you. Of course, if you feel you wouldn't be willing to have a baby with the condition, or to terminate a pregnancy where it was diagnosed at, say, 12 weeks, then it isn't the right choice for you. But I wouldn't rule it out.

And given that your DH presumably has the condition himself -- it seems strange for your MIL to think that a baby with it wouldn't be absolutely perfect and welcome, just as he was to her? How limiting is it? What does your DH think?

[3ndlessdreamz]

The condition is Tubular Sclerosis, it can cause serious other syndromes because it causes cycsts in any tubes. So say if it's in an important part of the brain, it can cause severe epilepsy. However, DH only had mild epilepsy as a child so I doubt the TS will cause anything more than that in our children.
They have already located the gene that causes it in DH and the geneticists have said that it can be detected as early as 9 weeks where we can choose to have a medical abortion if we wanted to.
DH agreed that we would try naturally and if we get the funding we'll stop because we don't want to be on the hormones and then to have multiple pregnancies.
It just really annoying that we see cousins and baby every week (because MIL wants to see them so she invites them over for Sunday dinner every week) and then every conversation is about baby. It's almost as if she's rubbing it in our faces :(

[hopsalong]

for dealing with what sounds like a very difficult MIL! Do you think there is any positive way to interpret her behaviour -- e.g. that she was very frightened by her son's epilepsy and is trying to protect you from having to deal with the same thing?

It is good news that your DH has agreed to try normally, though! And sounds as if you do have a good chance of having a baby who's completely unaffected or has only a very mild form. I guess the stressful thing would be waiting to see how severe it is likely to be, if the genetic test is positive -- would they be able to see that on a scan as early as 9 weeks? At any rate, wishing you the v best and hoping you can have a healthy pregnancy.

[3ndlessdreamz]

DH spoken to her last time we saw her and she didn't seem to bother about the statistics of naturally conceiving (around 38% chance) vs IVF success rates (33.3%). It's like she's already condemned us to a child that's going to have many health issues.

It'll be a needle to extract amniotic fluid to test, because the fluid has the same genetic composition as the embryo.

Thank you very much for the support!! Really appreciate it!!