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Help on telling friend going through ivf about my pregnancy

(11 Posts)
ricepolo Fri 20-Jan-17 13:51:07

Firstly-I'm sorry if this is not the right place to post this or if it comes across insensitive in any way.

I'd really like some advice.

I'm 9wks pregnant - we were going to tell people after a scan in a few weeks (we already had a private scan this week).

My friend is going through ivf. I knew this already and was going to tell her before any general announcement (it'll be a status update on FB: no scan picture or anything too attention grabby. I don't like FB but we have lots of friends all over the world so it's just easiest). However she's just told me that she's half way through another cycle, meaning she'll find out if she's pregnant a few days before we were going to announce.

I already have DC so she probably won't be too surprised at another baby.

We're close but not extremely close-but I care deeply about her.

When would be best to tell her? Asap (before she finds out about her cycle)? Just before we tell other people as planned?

What would be the least painful option?

Again, apologies if this is a tactless or hurtful post.


Whereland Fri 20-Jan-17 15:52:38

This recent thread might help

ricepolo Fri 20-Jan-17 16:31:33


MrsDarcy4092 Fri 20-Jan-17 18:19:05

A friend told me via text and I was so glad that's how she did it so I didn't have to fake happiness for her while dying inside. I dealt with it and then when I saw her I could be excited for her

MrsDarcy4092 Fri 20-Jan-17 18:19:49

Timing wise I don't no what's best really. Sorry!! There prob is no right but it's nice you are being thoughtful

Blueroses99 Fri 20-Jan-17 18:20:00

It it were me, I'd want to know ASAP (before finding out the result of my cycle) and by text rather than face to face or by phone. It's kind of you to tell her before announcing on FB. I had a friend texting me her news just after I got the results of a failed cycle and I was heartbroken from the failure and it didn't feel right to explain what I was going through (physically, emotionally, mentally) but had she told me a few days earlier, I would still have had hope that I might join her in the pregnancy club, and responded more positively.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Fri 20-Jan-17 18:21:19

Agree with texting so she can wrap her head round it without holding in her emotions.

TammySwanson Fri 20-Jan-17 18:25:03

Yes, I'd agree to tell her before she finds out if her IVF has worked or not. If you are coming to terms with another failed cycle you don't want anything else added on top. Telling her before (by text as others have said) is kinder imo. But also bear in mind that if she's halfway through her cycle that could mean she still has a month, or weeks to go before she is testing - depends on what kind of protocol she's on.

ricepolo Sat 21-Jan-17 16:35:12

I'd thought texting was the way to go so thank you for confirming it-I don't want to force her to respond immediately. Will do so asap, well before she finds out if it's worked or not.

drinkyourmilk Sat 21-Jan-17 16:53:41

Agree with everyone else. I'd want to know ASAP and by text. I would obviously keep it to myself.
It's very good of you to consider her feelings- especially when I'm sure you want to sing from the rooftops. My friends gave me the same consideration and I was very grateful. It meant that I could deal with my own feelings in private, enabling me to celebrate and get excited with them later on.

everdene Sat 21-Jan-17 17:01:06

I had to do this when I announced my pregnancy.

I emailed a friend and said I was pregnant and was letting her know in case she wanted to deal with it in private.

She'd just had a third failed cycle. She emailed back and said she was totally thrilled and loved babies which is why she wanted her own. I don't know if that was her first reaction but she was v graceful about it and since then she often doesn't mention it but I totally understand. Good luck!

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